Monday, January 31, 2011

Tracy Morgan Being Tracy Morgan

As soon as Sir Charles reminds everybody that "he can't get fired," you knew Tracy was gonna say something Tracy-like. Gotta love how awkward Ernie Johnson is during all this. I vote Tina by the way.

Shawne Williams and Marvin Williams Hook Up

Someone remind these two that this is the NBA and not the basement of Copperfield's.

Chafe - Bapst Cubicle Outlets

Apparently one subject they don't have a book on in Bapst is gravity. What comm major designed this shit? Don't those bookworms in the Hogwarts library know Apple doesn't mess around with small chargers? I'm not here to make some sort of Rube Goldberg project just so I can juice my baby. Give me outlets at normal angles.

-Credit to "kylenak98" for this idea.

Top 500 Feelings - #275 Hitting the Snooze Button

I know, it's a temporary joy, but a joy nonetheless. When you hear your iPhone blasting the Jeopardy theme song at 8:15 in the morning (or in Notorious's case, a Buffet anthem at 3:00 pm), you want nothing more than to fire that fucker out your window. You probably would if it wasn't for the red tags handcuffing the screen to your windowsill (A word of advice: live off-campus). That's why God, God or Zuckerberg that is, invented the snooze feature.

To hit the snooze button is to give a big fat middle finger to the rest of the world. Nothing on Earth matters more than getting back to that dream of plowing Brooklyn Decker on the 50-yard line in front of a sold-out Alumni. And holy shit did the sandman come last night...your eyes are crustier than Bart Simpson's favorite clown. You have to piss like a racehorse but that means nothing at this point. You'll gladly accept minor bladder problems later in life if it means you get your extra 15 minutes of Z-time in (and climax with Brooklyn).

Here's to you, snooze button, you beautiful enabler you.

Who Wannnttsss Oneee?

As you can see, tickets are in, we're probably going to start selling later this week. Join the Facebook group here to receive purchasing info. Holler.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Intern Search

So here's the thing, and this may come as a shock to some of you, but Fratsby, The Lieutenant and I are only three men. We need more writers. It's become clear to us that this site could actually become "something," so it's time to start cranking things up in terms of quantity of material. We get tons of reader Chafes and Feelings, Bros You Should Know and Where Are They Now? suggestions, etc. which is great. What makes our site readable is that anyone/everyone can think of the shit we choose to write about. We're just funny as fuck. But hey, maybe you are too.

Surely there are several of you out there who think you've thought of the golden Chafe or the perfect Top 500. In fact I know there are. Surely some of you are confident in your ability to do what we do on a daily basis. We've tried using outsiders and guest writers in the past and failed. But you're out there intern, I can smell your Aqua Reef deodorant from my couch.

Copy and paste the questionnaire and e-mail answers to if you're at all interested in becoming a blog star.

Intern Questionnaire

Male or Female?


1. Ideal foursome on the golf course? Write three names.

2. Tweet something:

3. “Crocodile” or “Alligator” and why?

4. What baby chafes you?

5. What will be the next jersey you buy?

6. Favorite NFL kicker? Why?

7. Thoughts on pea coats?

8. Would you rather have the ball down 1 with 10 seconds left or be up 1 playing defense with 10 seconds left?

9. Write a haiku (Lines of 5 syllables, 7, then 5):

10. What happens when you die?

Can Zuckerberg Sue Us For This?

Outrageous Advertising

Notice the bros at 40 sec. mark and the flawless twirl at the 44.

I guess my invite got lost in the mail?


Do they do drug testing for Gorillaz?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

KG Goes For Channing Frye's Sack

Bush league move by Garnett. Props to Channing Frye for holding his own after, because KG is definitely in my Top 5 NBA Players I Wouldn't Want to Fight. Too bad the gloves didn't come off. KG lost a few cool points for this one.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Spitter Of The Week: Alien Fucktoy?

Only on this site. Imagine this kid's parents reaction if they saw this. "We send you to a $50,000 a year school so you can chew tobacco and spit into the vaginas of aliens?!" Kudos to this kid for avoiding cultural norms and letting his dipspit rain wherever he feels like it. Possible spitter of the year. Possible nightmare.

Wilson Back At It

George Lopez, shut your mouth and let this God speak. Absolutely unparalleled self-confidence. Points of discussion include semen costumes, Thai massage parlors, murdering people, Chuck Norris, Old Spice, and dry humping.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tickets Now $15

Fuck profit.

It's gonna be a great night.

Tickets should be in early next week. Stay tuned.

OK White Boy, OK

Site of Sound Pre Game Playlist

Site of Sound killin' it with some Thursday chunes.

Hope everyone is going out tonight.

Fuck Snowjam.


Rated R

Now that's how you utilize a snow day. You may have to squint to see what's going on in this picture.

(Shoutout to the Jezy's over at Fordham for this picture)

Chafe - Bad News Feed

Alright Zuckerberg, I'm on to you. I've seen White Chicks and I know how good make up can be. But you posing as Obama during the State of the Union address just to drop the word Facebook is crossing the line. But that's not the point that I'm going to dwell on in this post. What really has been bothering me recently is my news feed. I think the last 6 times I've logged onto facebook, I've had shitty news feeds. Now I don't ask a lot from you Mark but one thing I want is for you to provide me with a news feed that doesn't make me refresh the page thirty times for no reason. By now you know who I sleaze on with Facebook. You know who I like to keep in touch with and you know whose profile I haven't clicked on in 2 years. When I log onto facebook, my news feed should reflect this. I don't want to see a random kid's status with comments from people's names I can't even pronounce. I want to see what some hot babes are doing tonight and I want to see some funny posts from people I hang out with. I wouldn't go as far as to say this is a threat but you better figure it out (shoutout to Summer Sanders, sick show back in the day) soon. Call up Eduardo and write some sick formula on a glass window that fixes the news feed so it reflects who and what I want to see.

P.S. When does Microsoft Word recognize facebook as a word and stop underlining it in red?

Happy Thursday!

Is it not Thursday!? IS IT NOT THURSDAY!? Is this not what you live for? Thurs-day! Thurs-day! Thurs-day!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Will Ferrell On The Office

So uh yeah, Ferrell should kill it on The Office. Let's hope he stays on for longer than 4 episodes. Maybe this is what ole Ron Burgundy needs to get his career back on track. Can you imagine the back-and-forth's between him and Andy? Him and Stanley? Creed? That's good television, that's what that is. Let's also hope this isn't just Rainn Wilson fucking with us. I mean what else can that guy be doing when he's not shooting. Side note - what is Rainn Wilson doing with a Twitter? If Dwight had one that would be great, but I could give two shits as to what Rainn is up to (BroBible retweeted this, I swear I don't follow Rainn Wilson).

P.S. Ferrell is the only person who can play the exact same character in every movie and still be good in all of them. Tune in to see if The Office continues the streak.

Japan, We Gettt Ittt

With the 2010 World Cup a distant memory, Japan has started preparations for its 2022 World Cup bid. Judging by what they're showing FIFA, it's going to be ridiculously futuristic. Like real-time holographic matches beamed across the world futuristic.

Fans will gather in stadiums around the world and Japan will show a holographic version of the match, in real-time, on the field. Players will run, stars will score and fans will cheer—it'll be as close as you can get to watching the real thing.

Japan also plans to use buzzword technologies like augmented reality and 3D to complement the beautiful game and introduce newer tech like an automatic audio translation system and "Freeviewpoint Vision" (a more versatile version of the NFL's Skycam). No word on whether they can convince FIFA to take on replay by then though.

But the competition to host the 2022 World Cup will be stiff. There are a ton of countries in the running—the US, England, Spain and Portugal, Australia, and others—and since Japan co-hosted in 2002 and FIFA isn't exactly known for being technology friendly we may not see the awesomeness just yet. And here marks the first time I root against America.

- Gizmodo

Okkkkk Japan, we get it with the crazy holographic technology. Chill out. Stop trying to make us look bad with the fancy gadgetry. We're getting that World Cup anyways, so you guys can watch the Star Wars versions back in Japan while we enjoy the real thing on American soil.

Coaster Of The Weak - Ceiling Fan Blade

Courtesy Notorious for destroying my fan.

Top 5 Scenes - The Great Fratsby

5. Superbad: Seth Tries to Steal Alcohol
This movie was an instant classic. Easily could have chosen from about 5 scenes but this clip is pretty underrated/underquoted. Really hit the nail on the head of the lengths high schoolers go to just to get booze.

4. Ferris Bueller's Day Off: The Parade
An all around awesome scene from one of America's greatest movies. Ditch your classes tomorrow.

3. Good Will Hunting: "How You Like Dem Apples?"
British hoes, Massholes, and one of the more creative insults of our generation to finish it off. What more can you ask for?

2. Entourage Tie:
A show too good to be limited to only getting one scene in here. In my opinion these are the 2 best scenes we've seen of Ari and the boys.
One Day in the Valley


Give a Little Bit (surprised The Fighter used this song too, it was in this first and then in that Kia commercial)

1. Remember the Titans "Locker Room Antics"
If we're talking movies in general and not just scenes, this is also a lock for my top 5. Nothing like a little "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" to relax those racial tensions!

Yale Kid Rips Us (By Complimenting Us?)

"...For me, the weekend began in Chestnut Hill, not Cambridge. I’d driven up to Massachusetts with a couple of good friends and they had made plans to stay at Boston College for the night. It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time; surely, BC could provide the fun that was lacking across town. Indeed, as we rolled through St. Ignatius Gate and into Boston College’s maze of looming Collegiate Gothic edifices, we came across several other Yalies with the same thought on their minds.

But as the night wore on, I began to feel more and more out of place. Our hosts — a suite of 10 outgoing sophomore girls — were nothing but wonderful. Their enthusiastic welcome reminded me of the kind you’d get upon first meeting your younger brother’s new girlfriend: gregarious and eager to please. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel that there was an invisible barrier between us and them. As they zipped up skintight dresses and told colorful stories of grinding on the members of White Panda, we fumbled to find suitable subjects of conversation. They welcomed in bros with backward baseball caps and high-tops; I self-consciously noted that I’d donned boat shoes and a collared shirt for the occasion. We listened to a typical Friday night playlist, looked at a few random pictures of their friends and then skipped out the door.

Thirty minutes later, we were in Cambridge. An occasional acquaintance met me at the parking garage and I followed him back to Dunster House. On the way, we fell into a surprisingly easy conversation that flitted from the corruption plaguing Indian electoral politics to the quirks of Tommy Lee Jones to the history of Harvard-Yale gridiron rivalry. Before I knew it, we were stepping through the door of his suite and into the midst of my first Harvard party.

Dare I say it? It was a blast..."

- Rory Marsh, The Yale Daily News

Soooo yeah, not really sure where to go with this one. Suites of sophomore girls, skintight dresses, the White Panda, and Friday night playlists might just be four of my favorite things on this planet. I guess my dear bro Rory prefers Indian electoral politics. Dare I say? You're a tool.

P.S. Would I be one of the five coolest kids at Yale?

Read this almost-definitely-a-virgin's full article here.

This Guy's Got Talent

I'll admit I am a little bit jealous. It has always been my dream to be able to do something like this.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Has Anyone Else Seen This Shit?

NEW YORK - MTV is concerned that its racy new TV show, "Skins," might get the network in trouble with the law.

Executives at the cable channel are worried that its adaptation of the British teen drama may violate federal child porn statutes.

According to the New York Times the executives ordered the producers to make changes to tone down some of the most explicit content in the third episode of the series set to air on Jan. 31.

"Skins" features a cast of actors who range in age from 15 to 19, most of whom have never acted before.

Before the show even premiered, the TV watchdog group Parents Television Council condemned "Skins" as "the most dangerous show for teens." The group objected to scenes of drug and alcohol use, violence and sexual acts on the show.

- CBS News

So I've watched the first two episodes and it's literally as ridiculous as it sounds. High schoolers dropping E, kids just blazing down tree in school bathrooms, lesbians banging, chicks masturbating. Since there is literally no music on MTV (Music Television) anymore I guess they're pretty much forced to push the envelope. It's adapted from an identical British show so I'm not really sure why America is getting so worked up about it though. If you've seen the first two shows you're probably excited for the "most explicit content" to come January 31. I don't have any idea how it can get more explicit, but what do I know about testing the limits on cable TV? It's some strange, emo, hipster shit, but I'll obviously be tuning in.

P.S. "Skins" is the word they use for rolling papers. Had never heard that before. Everything about this show is weird.

USA Soccer Dougie

OK Teal Bunbury, I see you.

Love how the white guys have no clue what's going on.

Dunkin Donuts Ice Spitter

Not very seasonal.

The Artist Formerly Known As Ochocinco

First off, let me start by saying that if you have a Twitter and don't follow Adam Schefter, you are not a fan of the NFL. Glad I got that off my chest. Now on to "Chad", as we'll call him for now. The name change was the literally the lamest move possibly in all of NFL history. I know I'm forgetting a few other boneheaded ideas but I'm last minute chafed with this internship fair (corporate fellatio fest) and am still blogging for you guys. The point is, millions of athletes have nicknames. But they don't go to the trouble of legally changing their name to them. Even rappers who solely go by their rap handles don't change their name. If I was Ochocinco's father/brother/illegitimate child, I'd be a little bothered that he dropped my name and instead went for a Spanish number (a wrong Spanish number by the way, ochenta y cinco would be correct (what up one semester of intermediate espaƱol)). Point is, he never should have done it in the first place, and I haven't made my mind up on whether I like him going back on it now.

Baby Chafe - Having Your Facebook Messed With

So this has pretty much become a staple of life on the Social Network. You leave your Facebook up or a friend knows your password, and your status that was a Kanye lyric is now "Eating cock," or even worse, "I'm soooo in love with Chelsea." Clever. Anyways I'm calling this sort of tomfoolery a baby chafe instead of full blown because I'm personally not too bothered by it. It's usually obvious when someone's fucked with your Facebook, and in one "Delete Post" your online identity immediately returns to normalcy (The craftiest hackers are the ones who can make ambiguous statuses - the statuses could have been someone else, might have been the person, you're not really sure).

I guess you can argue that having your Facebook toyed with by friends turns actual chafe when they go beyond the statuses and in to personal info. You're now interested in men, your musical interests are Clay Aiken and Cher, your favorite movie is The Notebook, and you now "Like" Kyle Singler. This is all burdensome to change, but you have no choice but to put in the effort and re-do it all. Don't be too upset though, for revenge is inevitable.

P.S. Statuses and info are all fair game, but don't impersonate your friends on Facebook chat. Just poor taste.

Found the gem on the right on the Google machine.

Chafe - 5 Hour Energy Commercials

I don't know about you, but I feel as though 5 Hour Energy has finally established themselves in the energy drink market. A world that once was monopolized by Red Bull has seen new competitors enter the market while others have been banned (i.e. Cocaine). So at what point does 5 Hour start making commercials that don't look like they were a high school group project for film class? Not only that, but the casting is terrible. Some of the people on the screen make me literally cringe. I can't even begin to listen to them promote the product with actresses like that. They are better off filming the 5 hour energy bottle with no one around it for 30 seconds. At least then they have me thinking about buying/stealing (probably stealing) one before going out at night. I almost want to start to teach them a lesson and boycott 5 Hour Energy until they make a decent commercial or get someone we recognize in one. I don't even care who it is, just someone. They have to have enough money to hire Max Keebler, Topanga or Tyrese Rice for a 30 second gig.

Shit's just terrible.

What We're Doing Thursday Night

So this Thursday night our boy Rob Ankner (former Prince of Vanderslice Hall), is celebrating his 21st birthday at Rumor Nightclub in Boston. It's an open bar, a good mixup in terms of venue, not to mention the fact that your 3 favorite bloggers will be in attendance (Appearance fee is a 12 pack of Natty OR a log of mint Skoal tins).

Here's the deal:

- Thursday night 10 p.m.
- Rumor Nightclub, 100 Warrenton St. Boston
- $20 ticket (open bar)
- DJ Inkognito on the ones and twos
- Rumor has 4 bars, dance-floor, and lounge areas (Read: Rumor nightclub is an arena of sleaze).

Contact Rob by text/sext/call at (781) 264-6644 for tickets.

Monday, January 24, 2011

What Kyle Singler Doesn't Want You To Know...

Over these past few years I've experienced quite a few surprises. They've ranged from learning Dumbledore had a sister to finding out Tiger birdied every "hole" he walked by on the sidewalk. But one thing that somehow slipped past me until just now has really rocked my world. Kyle Singler has a younger brother who is infinitely fresher than he will ever be, E.J. Singler. E.J. is a sophomore this year, balling at the University of Oregon. Boom. Talk about learning from someone's mistakes. I guess when Kyle Singler sold his soul to the devil, E.J. saw how hated one man could become. E.J. didn't want to be Steven Glansburg at lunch and E.J. didn't want to find himself leasing a Nissan Leaf. So instead of going to play at the Evil Empire, E.J. decided to flock to one of the freshest schools in the country. If you liked what the Ducks wore in the natty ship against Auburn, please check out their basketball gear. The shoes, the shorts, the jerseys. They mix and match every game and sometimes can make a grown man cry.

Not only did E.J. make the better call by staying in his home state to play for the Ducks, but E.J. also doesn't look like a serial killer. E.J. got the better DNA strands from his parents (Yes, the same parents who spawned Satan himself) and undoubtedly raked in more chicks growing up. It must have been hard for E.J. growing up with someone like Kyle. Family vacations must have been brutal and I'm sure in high school it was tough to shake the stereotypes that the Singler name carried. Whatever you did E.J., God bless you. If there were two Kyle Singlers running around, well, I'd probably be tried with attempted manslaughter. Stay fresh E.J. and remember to stay away from Kyle, he's a lost cause, don't let him bring you down with him.


Is this a fucking joke?

A Bro You Should Know - Dan Finnerty

He created and is the lead singer of the cult hit group The Dan Band. His Los Angeles show, Dan Finnerty & The Dan Band: I Am A Woman was filmed as a one hour concert special on Cable TV's Bravo channel, directed by McG and executive produced by Steven Speilberg who then cast him in The Terminal.

Finnerty is best known for his foul-mouthed rendition of Total Eclipse Of The Heart as the wedding singer at Will Ferrell's wedding in the movie Old School, directed by Todd Phillips, who continued featuring Dan, using him as the sleazy bat-mitzvah singer in Starsky & Hutch and again as the irreverent wedding singer in The Hangover. He has released "The Dan Band Live", the full-length cd of his live show, which Entertainment Weekly dubbed "the hottest ticket in Hollywood." As well as a Holiday album called Ho: A Dan Band Xmas through Razor & Tie Records. The album consists completely of original Dan Band songs, with no covers. Songs on the album include "Ho, Ho, Ho" (a smooth R&B Christmas song about a prostitute) "Merry Christmakwanzakah," "Please Don't Bomb Nobody This Holiday," and "I Wanna Rock U Hard This Christmas" whose video featured Florence Henderson from The Brady Bunch making the moves on Santa at a retirement home.

- Wikipedia

This is obviously the hilarious wedding singer from The Hangover and Old School. Scenes in each movie still go underrated. No reason this guy shouldn't play the wedding singer in every movie requiring one from here on out. Actually had no idea who he was or about the whole Dan Band thing at all, but they're funny as hell and sing awkwardly well for being as hilarious as they are. Should make for a rock solid 10 minute Youtube session.

Official Sponsor Of The Australian Open

Shake It

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Pink And Red With Brenton Duvall At Copperfield's February 10

Luckily for us all, it's time again. Time again for great music, time again for bad decisions, time again for unadulterated, Broston College fun.

Come dressed in pink or red and get ready for Valentine's Day the right way. Our boy Brenton Duvall (shout out Boulder shout out Potomac, MD) is going to serenade an extremely lucky 300 of you at Copperfield's Bar on Thursday, February 10. Not many people have been able to see this kid play a live set. Plus he makes bangers. Do the smart thing and make sure you're there.

$20 tickets.

21+ valid ID required.

Ticket info and drink specials to come.

I wonder if these would be fun to hear live and drunk...

Oh yeah and White Out was OK I guess.

Apple, We Gettt Itttt

You'rreee freshhhhh

A Word Of Advice - Get A Twitter

I'm recommending this for a few different reasons. The first is that there's really no reason not to get one. Even if you don't want to use it and tweet yourself, it's still a great way to keep up with celebrities, athletes, news outlets, blogs, websites, etc. Second, it's fun as shit to do. I don't really know why, it just is. If your friends buy in to it, Twitter can be useful and amusing, and tweeting something clever really is a rewarding/satisfying sensation. Third, I'm funny as shit on the Broston College Twitter. Fourth, if you're a girl, I'll flirt with you via Broston College Twitter. Fifth, it's in right now. All the cool kids are doing it. Lebron, Drake, BC Forward Jimmy Hayes, the list goes on and on.

I'll just close by reminding you that you also resisted Myspace and Facebook. You were way too cool for that shit, and then you caved, so why not just expedite the process, get it over with, and create a Twitter now.

Listen, I'm not trying to marry Twitter. Nothing comes close to the Social Network and nothing ever will. I'm just looking for a solid one night stand that I don't wake up regretting. That's all I need it to be. Nothing less, nothing more.

Either way, follow us @BrostonCollege

P.S. You also might be interested in Twitter for some of the more, for lack of a better word, explicit language, like that from Florida Gators Safety Will Hill.

Commenting Works

Now you don't have to be logged in to any accounts to comment on our posts and can post them anonymously. Haters, present yourselves.

Celtics Going Hard In The Paint

The real question is where was Luke Harangody during all this?

The Celtics are being featured on a very fresh HBO-like (not nearly the quality obviously) ESPN series The Association. Check that shit.

Where Are They Now? - Shel Silverstein

Well I don't know how to put this so I'm just going to come right out and say it. Shel's dead. Has been for over 10 years. He died in '99. That means we were 9 years old. That means right around the time we were being force fed his poetry he was dying, and in all probability died when I was reading "A Light In The Attic" before going to bed. Parents/teachers definitely knew about his passing and were too afraid to break the news, probably because for most of us Silverstein poetry was the one productive break in daily 8 hour Mortal Kombat Sega binges.

Doesn't mean he didn't have one hell of a run.

Among Shel's classics are The Giving Tree, Falling Up, Runny Babbit, and the incomparable Where The Sidewalk Ends. We will remember him for his words, his bald head, and for what is truly an exquisite beard. The fact that he looks like something straight off of "To Catch A Predator" in no way taints the memory of our favorite childhood bard. Farewell, Shel (even-though you died over a decade ago), looks like you finally found where the sidewalk ends. The only fitting way to close this eulogy is with the immortal words of the man himself. I'll call on one of my personal favorites, "Gardner."

We gave you a chance
To water the plants.
We didn't mean that way-
Now zip up your pants.

Chafe - Going Back To Cali Intro

Just get me to 1:14 already.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

So Good It Just Might Work...

Ok X-games. You know no one watches your shit but you're awfully close. This advertising campaign is so goddamn good that I just might tune in to watch the bro of all bros, Shaun White (We will tweet at you Shaun, chillax (why'd you call us assholes when you read our blog last year?)).

Top 500 Feelings - #410 Toothbrush Shopping

I think dentists recommend buying a new toothbrush every 3 months. Although this is blatant propaganda put out by the ADA to sell more brushes, when you actually do go in to buy one, it's pretty fucking exciting. You examine each pistol looking for grip quality, size, and bristle arrangement, acting as if you have a background in dentistry education.

Every brusher is different. In a way, walking down the toothbrush aisle can make you feel a lot like a young Harry entering Ollivander's to pick up a wand. The brush chooses you. Color arrangements are what do it for me. I tend to go for really flamboyant colors cause I think my friends might think it's funny, but then again, why would my friends be looking at my toothbrush?

Thanks to roommates, I haven't spent money on toothpaste since high school, so I take that saved money and put it towards the sickest brushes on the market. I'm talking about those ones that after they design them, the boys at Crest say to each other, "Yeah, we fuckin' killed it." Can't wait for my next t-brush run.

Some Brenton Duvall/Young Prince For Your Face

Have rumors started yet?

Fresh Flat Top

Has anyone caught a whif of Scotty Hopson's high top? That thing is a piece of artwork. I'd love to get a ruler out and see how many inches this man is packing (grow up, I'm talking about the height of his high top). He looks like Will Smith from his Fresh Prince of Bel Air days. He must put all his efforts into two things, basketball and his hair. I wonder where homework comes into play?

The Period Of Time Between 4 p.m. And When You Start Drinking

I write this in part because I think it makes for an interesting blog post, and in part because it happens to be (roughly) the very time I'm speaking about as I write it. I'm bored. I woke up, kicked my hangover in the teeth, went to Eagle's Deli, decimated a #5 (A word of advice: Eagle's #5 for breakfast (3 eggs any style, hash browns, bacon/sausage, toast)), and now I'm essentially stuck. I'm too far from the plex, too normal to do homework, and I've seen the new Office 3 times already.

Which brings us to this discussion. What do you do from the lazy part of the day around 4 p.m. until you start drinking? How long can you hold out before your first taste? When do you eat? When do you nap? Do you nap? Do you work out? Drink a Five Hour Energy? When do you buy booze? When do you start shooting texts about plans? Just start drinking awkwardly early?

I know you think I have all of the answers. I don't. I'm just as lost as the rest of you. You don't want to eat too early because you don't want to be hungry again when it's time to drink. Then again you don't want to eat too soon to reckless binge drinking because you don't want to feel too full to crush. You may want to nap so you can go deeper in to a night, but you don't want to wait too long and wake up to a pre-game feeling groggy. Essentially it's a guessing game, but one that we're all in together. For the love of God just get me to 8 p.m.

Fifa anyone?

Chafe - Girls Taking Hats Off Your Head

I don't know what goes through a chicks mind when she's drunk but I do know they have a weird obsession with stealing hats off guys' heads. Ladies, if we wanted you to take our hat, we'd give it to you. When we wear our hats out, it means it is part of our outfit. For all you know it could be the glue that holds the whole thing together. Without the hat we might feel like the Cavaliers without LeBron James. Not only that, but you treat them like shit too. I average a 23% return rate when it comes to hats at a bar. And 89% of those returns, the hat is in worse condition than it started with. It would be the equivalent of a guy walking up to a girl and taking her necklace off. Oh, you need this? I thought since it was just resting on you that I could take it and prance around the bar with it for a little while, then give it to another chick as a birthday gift. Lay off the hats ladies. Let me grind on the dance floor in peace.

Top 500 Feelings - #449 Waking Up And Drinking Water With Cotton Mouth

There is nothing worse than waking up with cotton mouth after a long night out. Your mouth is as dry as Ray Ramano's humor and your head hurts like you got struck with a 2 x 4. The only remedy, a cold cup of water. At this point in time the water can come from a water bottle, a water fountain, a sink or even the water cup from the ruit table last night. Drink up and replenish for a speedy recovery. If you're making the walk of shame, fill up like a camel before you leave so you can make it back to home base. Enjoy the rush of liquid down your throat as you can finally lay easy in bed once again.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fresh NBA "Where Amazing Happens" Commercials

Stephen Curry ad to come. Either that or I couldn't find it. Either way I'm wet.

Baby Chafe - Getting A Drink Out Of A Vending Machine

Half of the time I feel the water bottle/Coca Cola/Blue Powerade is bigger than the hole. It takes me up to 12 seconds sometimes to get that beverage out and into my hand. They need to take a page out of the candy vending machine guys playbook. The candy guys know what's good. They give us the whole bottom to play with.