Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Beauty of a Two-Dollar Bill

I was at the bar the other night when I saw a gentleman approach a particularly attractive vixen. After some talking he offered to buy her a drink. She seemed pretty hesitant at first, but eventually said yes. I was standing right next to the guy, waiting to get a pitcher of the "cheapest thing you have on tap", when the barkeeper gave the him his change. After this Boggs-esque man went to put the change in his wallet he took out two crispy two-dollar bill$ and left them as his tip. Here I was sitting in sweatpants about to pay for a pitcher in quarters and singles and this absolute legend is wielding two dollar bills as tip. Shibby. If that girl didn't drop her panties for him later that night then she has some serious issues. When I got back to my table and delivered the pitcher to my mates it dawned on me...two-dollar bills are the shit. It's too easy.
Why are they so damn cool? Why did this guy think of this ploy before I did? A few thoughts I had: two is obviously the best denomination, and the two-buck bill is rare. It's where currency meets style. If you have Jeffersons in your wallet that means you care about your money and you like cool shit. It means that at one point in time you came across a two-dollar bill and decided to keep it for a special moment. Discipline. The bills are rare, but more importantly, they're economically invaluable. Anyone can stamp their name on them. The only reason they don't is because it takes time and it's ultimately a hassle. But because they're so rare, every time someone sees one they at least take note of it. It's a great conversation starter, and it's a cool phenomenon. Having a two-dollar bill is a sign of power without actually having to be powerful. All you need is two dollars (twenty cans) to get one of these and make yourself look a whole lot more important than you actually are.

I want a Jefferson cheddarbomb before my time is up.

Where Do I Hire Ray Lewis for Pregame Speeches?

I would follow this man into any sort of battle. At this point they should make a Gladiator sequel with Ray Lewis as the Maximus. I still don't quite understand why he's in the locker room for Stanford but maybe he owed someone a favor from some years back.....

Who's Next?

Who’s Next to Join the 300 Club?

Milestone clubs in baseball are slowly losing their prestige as they become more and more diluted. I don’t know who the bouncer is for the ‘500 HR Club’ but he lets anybody and everybody through the doors with 10 members joining in the past 10 years (what are steroids?). What used to be a sure fire Hall of Fame ticket is now reduced to a Bud Selig hand shake followed by a full blown steroid investigation. As much as the steroid era has tainted the hitting clubs, the pitching clubs still have an aura of mystique. Two of the most defined clubs that come to mind are the ‘3,000 Strikeout Club’ and the ‘300 Wins Club’. If you had to name these two clubs on Sporcle, there wouldn’t be anyone that surprised you at the end. Everyone in the club belongs in the club and they don’t just accept anybody ala Northwestern Oklahoma State University. A lot of people say we will never see another 300 game winner but the people that say that are probably communists. While I may or may not have laid down some money in Vegas a few years back for Danny Almonte to be the next member, I do believe I will see another 300 game winner before I call it quits (Yes, medicine will be so good by the time I’m 100 that I’ll get to decide when I die). But who really has the best chance of all the current pitchers playing in the league? I realistically believe there are only two pitchers with a legitimate shot at doing it, as well as one dark horse who just began his journey. Lets take a closer look.

Roy Halladay:

Age – 34

Wins – 188

Roy is a mere 112 wins from becoming the 25th player ever to win 300 games throughout his career. He turns 35 in May but is a known gladiator when it comes to working out. Starting young is a major advantage and Roy was in the majors at age 21. Here is how many games he won each year: 1, 8, 4, 5, 19, 22, 8, 12, 16, 16, 20, 17, 21, 19. He’s been one of the most consistent pitchers in the game for many years and with an effortless pitching motion he is able to place the ball exactly where he wants it to go. In my opinion, accuracy is one of the most important attributes needed to win games as you get older. Not everyone can gas it 100 mph’s at the age of 40 (Nolan Ryan is smirking somewhere). Roy has a plethora of pitches as well, including a fastball, slider, cutter, changeup and curveball. Here’s a look at where Roy compares to other 300 game winners at age 34 as well as their win totals over the rest of their career.

Randy Johnson, 143 (160 wins)
Tom Glavine, 208 (97 wins)
Greg Maddux, 240 (115 wins)
Roger Clemens, 213 (141 wins)
Nolan Ryan, 189 (135 wins)
Don Sutton, 217 (107 wins)
Phil Niekro, 110 (208 wins)
Tom Seaver, 235 (76 wins)
Steve Carlton, 225 (104 wins)
Gaylord Perry, 177 (137 wins)

It’s not farfetched for Roy to get another 112. Not farfetched by any means. Here are some various average win totals and how close they bring Halladay to 300 wins:

Through age 40

Six years, 18 wins per season: 108 wins, 296 total
Six years, 16 wins per season: 96 wins, 284 total

Through age 41

Seven years, 17 wins per season: 119 wins, 307 total
Seven years, 16 wins per season: 112 wins, 300 total

Through age 42
Eight years, 15 wins per season: 120 wins, 308 total
Eight years, 14 wins per season: 112 wins, 300 total

Through age 43
Nine years, 14 wins per season: 126 wins, 314 total
Nine years, 13 wins per season: 117 wins 305 total

Bill James odds to win 300 games – 49%

Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 39%

C.C. Sabathia:

Age – 31

Wins – 176

This beast of a man in my eyes is the morning line favorite to be the next club member. He has double digit wins every year of his career and just recently signed a long-term contract with the winningest franchise in MLB history. He’s got the bats right now to give him a strong push these next few years and I’m sure the Yankees will sign some new studs as the Jeter era comes to a close to help C.C down the stretch. Of the 12 current 300-game winners who pitched primarily after World War II, none had as many victories through their age 29 year. He has started more games than anybody else in the league the past 3 years (with Halladay 2nd) and his second in innings pitched (with Halladay 1st). Because he pitches so deep into games, he gives the bullpen a very small chance to blow the game. He came onto the scene at age 20 and won 17 games as a rookie. He then proceeded to win 13, 13, 11, 15, 12, 19, 17, 19, 21, and 19 games. That means he has more than 15 victories in 5 of his last 8 seasons. That defines the word consistent. He has stayed healthy and only gotten better each year. Here are some various average win totals and how close they bring Sabathia to 300 wins:

Through age 37

Six years, 18 wins per season: 108 wins, 284 total
Six years, 16 wins per season: 96 wins, 272 total

Through age 38

Seven years, 17 wins per season: 119 wins, 295 total
Seven years, 16 wins per season: 112 wins, 288 total

Through age 39
Eight years, 15 wins per season: 120 wins, 296 total
Eight years, 14 wins per season: 112 wins, 288 total

Through age 40
Nine years, 14 wins per season: 126 wins, 302 total
Nine years, 13 wins per season: 117 wins 293 total

Through age 41

Ten years, 13 wins per season: 130 wins, 306 total

Ten years, 12 wins per season: 120 wins, 296 total

If Sabathia were to theoretically average 20 wins per season these next two years and then 15 wins per season over the following six years, he would end up with 306 wins at the age of 39. As long as C.C. lays of the hamburgers, I think he’s got a real good shot at winning 300.

Bill James odds to win 300 games – 48%

Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 69%

Clayton Kershaw:

The dark horse. The 23 year old phenom who just won his first Cy Young will racking up the NL triple crown for pitching. Kershaw will soon be the best pitcher in baseball in my eyes. The tall lefty who works out like an Olympian and strikes you out like you never called his sister back after the first date. He’s got a slew of pitches (I feel like that’s the only time I use the word slew in a sentence, much like only using wily to describe a veteran) that allow him to go deep into games and he plays in a pitcher friendly ballpark that was just purchased by Magic Johnson. I know it’s early to peg his chances at 300 but there is just something about him that gives me hope. He’s ultra competitive and has unreal lettuce coming out the back of his ball cap.

Bill James odds to win 300 games – N/A

Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 25%

Other notables:

Felix Hernandez- Age 25, 85 wins

Justin Verlander - Age 27, 109 wins

Mark Burhle - Age 32, 161 wins

Disagree or think I've overlooking someone? Comment then you poon-tang

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Spot On

It's Official

I had heard some chatter about this combo taking Conte by storm but I promised myself after Smash Mouth didn't show up in the fall of 2009 that I would never believe concert chatter again until it was official. I know I don't really have to defend Nelly because he's cooler than anyone who doesn't think he's cool so I'll just say that if you don't think Third Eye Blind is good sing along music then go sit on a flagpole. Really impressed with the haul this year.

Tough video, but I'm not here to criticize UGBC. They just delivered big time.

Doors close at 6. Pregame accordingly.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

CEO4Teens - Where'd Your Money Go?

So this past fall, many of you remember that we co-hosted an event with CEO4Teens: a non-profit organization that aims to help underprivileged teenagers and young adults afford an education. The event, "I'M CEO Back to School Benefit Party" raised over $2000, and started the year off on the right note. In case anyone was wondering where their ticket money went, here is an update. With that money, CEO4Teens has been able to offer 12 scholarships to teenagers in the Boston area in order to help them get their GED. Virtually all of the applications CEO4Teens received asked for help with the cost of taking the test, which is $65. This seemingly small amount of money is something the candidates simply can't afford. Recipients of the scholarships are generally unemployed, and face problems that range from past incarceration, to a history of substance abuse, to life as a single parent. And keep in mind, the average age of the student is 21 years old. Some of the students we've helped sponsor are still in the process of studying for the test, but out of the 12, 5 have passed the test, and are continuing on with their education. With their GED a couple of the students are heading to Bunker Hill Community College (How do you like 'dem apples). Bottom line, the scholarships are helping to create a foundation for these students to stand on despite being dealt a tough hand in life.

The rest of the funds will remain with CEO4Teens so that they can continue to award more scholarships throughout the spring and summer. We are well on our way to reaching our goal of providing 20 scholarships, so with this said, thank you. Thank you to all of our supporters who shelled out $10 for a ticket this past fall. That small amount undoubtedly contributed to one of the scholarships we were able to award, and with that you have helped change someone's (OUR AGE) life.

Lastly, new CEO4Teens hats are on their way for spring/marathon monday. They're $10, and of course, you can think of this $10 more as a donation since 100% percent of the profit goes right back to the organization. Might as well get a decent lid to go with your donation.


and learn a little bit more about the organization,

Baby Tiger

Tiger Woods '13 came out today and yes, you can play as Tiger as a toddler in it. That's brilliant stuff from EA. Give me an MLB game where I can play as a young Ken Caminiti. Give me baby Terrence Cody in Madden. Or an NBA game where I can play as toddler Glen Davis/Javale McGee/Ricky Rubio.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Booze Crooze

I hate to say it but that G word is right around the corner. If the weather is anything like it was last week then mod residents can expect to get some more administrative emails spanking us. Tickets just went on sale for the 2nd annual Booze Crooze and Crawl. 75% of the world is covered by water, the other 25% is covered by Darrelle Revis. Here's an opportunity to get out on the water and drink your sorrows away. Information is as follows:

School's Out: Booze, Crooze, and Crawl

Pregame with a Booze Crooze while watching the sunset over Boston from 7-10 pm, then crawl to either Coogans, Jose's, or The Black Rose until 2 am. It's last night of finals and the night before Senior Week starts, let's rage.

**The bars and deals will be open for this crooze/crawl ticket holders only.**

Booze Crooze Details:
- 21+ (must have valid ID)
- 6:30 boarding
- 7-10 pm crooze
- 2 Boats (pictures below)
- Cash bars on boats
- Boats leaves at 7 from 60 Rowes Wharf, Downtown, close to Faneuil
- 700 of your best friends losing their minds watching the sunset over Boston
- Boats will be side by side, you can still wave, don't worry.
- Ticket to crooze includes entry to the crawl.

Pub Crawl Details:
- 21+ (must have valid ID)
- 10 pm - 2 am
- Coogans ($1 Bud/Bud Light Drafts)
- Jose McIntyres ($2.50 Miller Light Pitchers)
- Black Rose
- Go to whatever bar whenever. Have to have a ticket to get in.


Might be the best night of your BC career.
*Will be

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Amway Arena Goes Out With a Bang

Patting myself on the back for that pun in the title.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Hey that's pretty neat

Most of you have probably seen these but fuck it the first one's an absolute jam. Kazoos are the tits.

Floyd and Fitty in the Gym

I would not mess with that little kid.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Kevin Hall: I'm Confused By Your Style But I Kind of Like It

Bobby Fisher. Ted Kaczynski. Nyjer Morgan. Kevin Hall. No person I have ever come across has been as enigmatic, perplexing, and mysterious as BC student Kevin Hall. While I've never met Kevin, him and our blog have a pretty special relationship. We can usually count on a couple e-mails every month or so from him. Most of them shit on us: not the blog, but actually us, as people. I get the feeling Kevin has as much fun writing these e-mails as we do reading them. Anyway, Kevin is a stand-up comedian. Some of his e-mails include videos of him on stage, some better than others. One he sent us last week was probably his best, and Kevin still managed to throw in one of his classically baffling rants:

I realize you guys will probably find some way to just take a heaping dump all over this video if you do decide to post it, considering that's what you're good at. But I think this is a proper "fuck-you" comeback from what you did with the last video I sent you. It's up to you

I'm honestly not sure if we posted one of his previous videos but I don't think I shat on it? Don't quote me on that, I love shitting on shit. Maybe it's just the part of me that wants to do the opposite of what Kevin thinks I will (shit on his video) but I truly feel after all the effort on the e-mails that we owe this to him. Back to the e-mails: the next e-mail (which actually included the video, can't believe I've never written the baby chafe of forgetting to attach something) left us with a short but to the point message:

All of you can just suck it.

It's official: "Suck it" has made a comeback. Before finishing this, let me also plug Lieutenant Jenkems' first stand-up effort, happening either April 20 (lol) or 21st in a mod near you. Without further ado, I give you BC's own Kevin Hall. Utilize the comment box. Oh yeah the video's sideways.

Hall enters at 1:30

Buzz Williams: Fresh to Death

I'm a diehard bandwagon Marquette fan (did I mention Marquette Athletics follows me on Twitter). Much of that is due to their absolute boss of a coach, Buzz Williams. Bilas tweeted a really solid article on him a couple weeks ago, it's long but worth reading.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

BC Women's Lax Call Me Maybe

We asked and they hast answereth. This song is the GoldBond for all my metaphorical chafes. The wardrobe in this video is immaculate by the way. What a country.

I wouldn't mind seeing more of these videos made before this song fades out. So keep sending them in, and do it fast because chances are I'll only enjoy this song for another week (looking at you sweatpants girl, looking at you).

Thursday, March 15, 2012


Top 500 Feelings - #244 Getting Hot

Is there any more rewarding feeling than getting wet and knowing it. Whether you're on the table letting people know, running it in the Plex or just trying to piece together a good old fashioned heater with your favorite broads, piecing together the first couple Js and getting that no miss mindset is a no doubt fresh March feeling. Shouts to TJ Sorrentine and the legend with the hard to spell last name on Northern Iowa for some prime examples that we'll probably see our fair share of this weekend. The king of moisture when it comes to this feeling has got to be Tayshaun at Kentucky tho so just soak it in and enjoy yourself.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I've Been Wondering This For Awhile

I see these posters in 74% of girls' rooms and am assuming 0.74% knew where it came from. It's all right ladies, I'm here for you. Just don't pretend you knew what it was before.


There Is A Lot Right With This

UNC Women's Lax:
(hello Ray Bans)

Duke Women's Lax:

The Lady Eags better have started work on theirs 5 minutes ago.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Andrew Luck Will Make Me Buy Even More Nike Products

Love this, but I have a few corrections:

You have decided that you're getting picked first. (Love that he didn't say first or last but first or second)
You have decided that Indianapolis' fans will wear your jersey.
You'll be throwing to Indy's receivers who, other than Reggie Wayne, are pretty young.
Indy sees their future franchise quarterback.
I do have a crystal ball, and you're going to Indy.

Chafe - People Picking the Same Upset As You

No! I want Belmont over Georgetown! Vandy over Cuse was my idea! You're taking Murray State over Marquette too?! Stop! This is my one shot each year to look like a genius and you're ruining it. Go find your own underdogs. Side note: lightweight underdogs like 10's over 7's and 9's over 8's are hereby known as underpuppies. Back to the rant - when the games are airing on Thursday there's nothing I hate more than thinking I'm alone in cheering for a 14 seed when some shmuck walks in and proudly declares he picked it too. Get lost guy. And if any of you take those 3 picks I will find you. And I will kill you.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


If there was a bracket for funniest animated characters of all time I think the minions would run through the tourney untouched.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Gerald Green...Oh My

Even the players on the Houston bench can't help but react when he does this. I've never seen a replay with a player's head that high compared to the rim. But what else would you expect from a man that pulls off shit like this?

These are the times that try men's souls

End of the last thirty of the last pregame of spring break. Back to the grind, but it'll be a different type of grind. Seniors, better start going out like it's the play-offs, because it really is almost time to...can't even finish that sentence. Chafe's at JFK on a chayover, I demand anyone in the vicinity to buy that savage a drink.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Q & A With A Real Life Colts Fan

Let me start off by saying that Peyton Manning in my own eyes is the single greatest quarterback I have ever watched operate an offense. I think part of it has to do with me watching every snap over the past 14 years and the other part is only being alive for a mere 21 years, but hey, its not homerism if you're right. Instead of posters of beautiful women on my wall there are posters of Peyton dating back to his rookie year in '98. Instead of porno stashed under my bed there are Peyton trading cards and a Superbowl XLI DVD. When (if*) I go to confession I ask for forgiveness for worshiping a false God. With that being said, lets answer a few questions that Rome would be burning on if he wasn't such a dick and still had a show.

How did owner Jim Irsay handle this process?

I'd give him a B, curved to a B+ when I think about all the other owners in the league. In a time of transparency there is really nothing you can do anymore without the world finding out. Some of his tweets were questionable and the fact that he called Peyton a politician in public was one of his few slip ups but when it's all said and done, Irsay is a great owner who wants to win championships as much as the fans. He really saved his ass by flying Peyton on his private jet and driving him in his Range Rover (making sure to stop for the cameras). Peyton and Jim have a good relationship that will take a hit because of what happened but will prevail in the long run. In other words, they are on good enough terms for Peyton to come back and be involved in the Colts organization after he retires.

How Did Peyton Handle this process?

A+. Flawless. How many greats can more or less get run out of town for an unproven rookie who hasn't even been drafted yet, and not start a great schism? Uncle Chafe is calling Peyton's press conference the anti-"decision" and I couldn't agree more. Peyton is a ferocious competitor but he was all about class when it came time to be released. This was by no means a retirement press conference, it was simply an end of an era press conference and Peyton, for one of the first times I can remember, showed emotion that reminded me he is not a robot.

What are your thoughts on Luck?

Listen, if us Colts fans didn't believe in Luck, there would be riots in downtown Indianapolis right now. Peyton kept hinting at "circumstances" that caused this to happen. These "circumstances" were 1) Peyton getting injured and missing a full season which also was the first time he ever missed a game (there was no plan-B) 2) the Colts plugging in Kerry "I got too much gray hair in my beard to be a starter" Collins and Dan "I once ran out of the back of the endzone" Orlovsky which ultimately led to the Colts having the worst record in football and thus the number 1 pick 3) Andrew Luck, the highest rated college QB since Elway, coming out this year. Once in a blue moon he comes around and once in a blue moon the Colts have the number 1 pick. 4) Peyton having his 4th neck surgery in less than a year. Injuries are never a good thing and injured necks are even worse. 5) Peyton elected not to take the 5yr/$100 million offer that Irsay offered but rather took a contract that had an opt out after 1 year because he knew his neck was iffy. What a stand up move by Peyton (Eli has the same father also and has already restructured his deal this year, something Peyton does yearly more or less) All of these happened to coincide and ultimately led to Peytons release.

What are your thoughts on Peyton leaving?

I was holding back tears at the press conference, biting my lip. I never imagined this day happening, I thought the horseshoe would be on his helmet for his whole career. I even made a wager that Peyton would make every pro bowl until retirement, thinking he'd get in off his name if his stats ever took a dip. I have now become a Colts fan that will be rooting for Peyton to win rings until Luck has the Colts up on their feet running. Peyton for once wont have all the expectations in the world and will be able to play soul football much like Andy "Brink" Brinker could soul skate in the disney movie original. I wish him the best and am jealous of the fans of wherever he goes. Times they are a changin'.

Would you have done the same thing if you were the owner?

This is a tough question. The jury wont be able to settle this case until we see what Peyton does in his remaining years and what Luck does in his career. Winning cures everything so if Luck is able to get some jewelry, Irsay will look like a genius. Me personally, I probably would have traded the pick and reloaded for a 3 year run but that is just because I think Peyton takes last years Colts team to the AFC Championship minimum. Never in our lifetime have we seen a player that is more valuable to his team. He is proven to be worth 10 games but I feel the number is closer to 12. I understand it is a business and my business mind would tell me to move on but I just feel like my heart would never have the guts to let him go.

Was this handled better or worse than Brett Favre situation?

A million times better. The Favre situation was way more awkward, mostly because Favre is a dickhead. They were lucky to have Rodgers in the looms (I latched on to his greatness this year in the absence of "Football Jesus") and feel like the organization was the only one who really knew how good the kid was since we don't get to see practice. Rodgers did a seamless job replacing Favre and has laid out the handbook for Luck.

Where do you want him to go?

I want Peyton to take his talents to South Beach and bring his entourage along with him. They have a better defense than Peyton every played with (minus one defensive game changer like Dwight (who is now on the trading block)). He can bring his favorite wide reciever Reggie, who is so underratedly attached to "Da U" that he already openly admitted he'd follow. And he can also bring Saturday, the one guy Peyton trusts to have his hands near his gonads 80 times every sunday. This would allow Pouncey to move to guard, his normal position, and strengthen the o-line that already has Jake Long to protect his blind side. Peyton would have Marshall, Wayne, and Bess (assuming Stokley doesn't come pleading on his hands and knees) and Bush out of the backfield (assuming Bush learns how to pick up blitzes). A quick side note, the other day Devone Bess said he'd be "honored to play FOR Peyton" and then quickly corrected his statement to "play WITH Peyton." The guy is a head coach stuck in a QBs body.

Who would you root for if it was Colts vs. Peyton in the Super Bowl?

It would kill me but I would root for the Colts. I don't even want to think of the scenario but if the Colts were in the Superbowl that means Luck is the real deal and can match Peyton's total Lombardi Trophy collection in his first trip there. With that being said, I don't see this happening so I can sleep easy at night.

P.S. Yes I ordered a Peyton fathead before they sold out

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A Whiff Of Jenkem - Why Kyle Korver Has The Best Job In Sports

If you ever get into an argument where you have to decide to be one non-star athlete in sports, you'd be crazy not to go with Kyle Korver. The guy legitimately has the best job in all of sports. No high pressure situations like Billy Cundiff, no chance of committing an error in left field in the World Series, no ability to lose his front teeth. Just the job to play the game of basketball everyday. He's in his eighth season in the NBA and has already developed the eternal "shooter" tag that comes with milking threes consistently for a living. Hell, he could shoot under 33% from downtown for the rest of his career and continue to bounce around team to team for 6 more years before anyone noticing because everyone would always be willing to give him a chance to knock down threes and stretch the floor. Luckily he is making his shots right now and doing so on the best team in basketball. So he's got the best job in basketball on the best team in basketball. Pretty good gig for 5 million bucks a year. He's got a low risk, high reward job. Coach puts him in to knock three's down, if he's hot, he stays in, if he's cold, he goes back on the bench and another one of the Bulls deep role players jumps in. No one even cares when he's cold. The fans just politely ask him to exit the game and give him another chance the next night. It's a gig that earned Robert Horry 7 rings. Robert Horry killed this role and was only remembered for the big shots (hence the nickname) that he made. If Korver can make a big shot in the playoffs this year, he will only help his cause. If he misses a big shot, Derrick Rose gets blamed for not taking it. Throw in living in the fresh city of Chicago and being an eerily similar look-a-like to Ashton Kucher and Kyle Korver is on top of the world. He's also quietly 6-8.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Revenge Best Served As A Cold Chafe

A UK vs. UNC final is all I'm asking for

Friday, March 2, 2012