Tiquan got to Indy looking like a million bucks as usual. Look at that 'do. It's better than Norris Cole in college. It's better than Scotty Hopson. It's better than Brandon Jennings. It's better than Carl Lewis. I want to see the Pats win for the sole reason that I get to watch him try to put a championship hat on top of that Chia pet.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
I would not be surprised if Ray and Ed put out a hit on Cundiff 20 years from now. The ball just never had a chance and now Tom and Eli are squaring off in Peyton's house. Tough times are upon those who aren't Pats or Gmen fans.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
After North Carolina State got penis-punched by UNC last night, I think it's safe to say that answering generic and tired media questions was the last thing Scott Wood wanted to do. Why would you even ask that question? Is the answer going to be informative? Of course an NC State player doesn't like the fact that his NC Sate team has never beaten their in-state rival. Really good stare-down outta Scott. No need to keep watching after the first 20 seconds.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I bid you adieu add/drop period. Your gratitude will not soon be forgotten as chafes officially begin today. I hate to take advantage of you sometimes but you are just so innocent. Most peoples "add/drop" week class attendance is similar to Craig Counsel's batting average from last year. So what if you drop a once a weeker only to add it back 3 hours later, everything is fair game during this grace period. It is a great time to be a college student and a horrible time to be a Cleveland Circle (aka our own little Times Square) bouncer. It is a time of risk taking and a time of regret. You can hinge on the word of others or you can go check out teach yourself. I've heard many great tales during add/drop. Tales of kids changing all 5 classes at the buzzer. Tales of rock, paper, scissors determining the last spot in an easy A class between two friends. BC UIS is a fickle beast but the aura of add/drop seems to squander my hated for the 1964 interface. I wonder how many syllabi end up in the trash during this week? (Bovada has the over/under at 372) I hope one day add/drop period is made into a national holiday.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Didn't know the sort of sadist my teacher was until today, and by golly that creautre wanted me chafed til the Armageddon. We never went over the syllabus in class on the day I was there (which should have been a telling sign) but I finally caught a glimpse of it today. This teacher is one of the professors who snuck in a 30 minute lesson on day one. Fuck those guys. That's a goddamn ambush. Anyway, teach assigned homework that's due tomorrow and just emailed the class a reminder telling us that the problems are on the syllabus. While I perused the syllabus my eyes caught a glimpse of something more vulgar than womenwithhorses.com (I haven't been there personally, but a guy I know...). Three Friday tests, one of which is following arguably the best Thursday of the spring. Let's see here, opening round of the NCAA tournament and St. Patrick's day weekend, or a math test? If I were a bigger man I'd reply all and warn everyone to get the fuck away from this cannibal before it starts eating souls, but I'm gonna go quietly. Partially out of fear, and partially because while I hate this teacher's guts, I don't know if there's any sort of legal ramifications for blindly accusing cannibalism. Anyway, go and check your syllabi.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
If I could guess, I'd say Hot Sauce is either in prison or drinking on his couch playing Madden '06. This dude was so fun to watch. The King of the Carry. He was the reason And1 was cool for 3 years.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Though Mark did forget to mention that Eagles' biggest flaw is that they don't take Eagle Bucks.
I think my top breakfast spots around BC goes a little something like this:
4. Cafe Nation...no homo
5. Johnny's (Newton)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
New Orleans at San Francisco (+4): New Orleans has been my Super Bowl pick for a while but they're a different team on the road. SF's defense is nasty but as good as they may be it's still tough to slow Brees. The game will come down to San Francisco's offense and the tiny hands of Alex Smith. I don't have it in me to pick against the Niners. 28-27, SF.
Houston (+9) at Baltimore: My guess is that Baltimore will win but not cover. The Texans are better than people give them credit for. T.J. Yates isn't amazing but he's not terrible either. Their run game will keep them going on offense and their defense is pretty stingy. It'll come down to how well Flacco plays. 25-17, Baltimore. And yes, these 2 picks mean we are one step closer to a Harbaugh Super Bowl.
Giants (+9) at Green Bay: New York won't lose by 9 but they are going to lose. Peyton's brother is not going to outdo Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau. No shot. The Packer defense is nothing to write home about (and by that I mean worst in the league) but it clearly has not been much of an issue thanks to their aerial attack (same goes for the team who's second to last on that list). I'm just waiting for the shot of Eli on the sidelines staring off into space with his mouth hanging open while Rodgers puts on a clinic. 30-24, Pack.
Tebows (+14) at New England: If not for last week's performance by Denver, logic might make it seem like the Pats could win this by 25. The thing is, last week did in fact happen and only an idiot would now bet against He Who Must Not Be Named. The story of the game, as it has been all season, is New England's swiss cheese secondary. Last week Pittsburgh assumed they couldn't be harmed by Tebow's arm so they loaded the box to defend the run. Tebow threw for 316. If New England can keep him in the sub 250 range Brady should take care of the rest. Pats, 32-21. If the Pats lose cue the talk of them trading up for Tyrann Mathieu in April.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
If this video is undoctored, this guy has some serious hand-eye coordination and is probably more talented at pleasing girls than the trojan triphoria. However, I can't help but doubt that this guy can do numerous paintings of this caliber in three minutes or less. Something's fishy here. You're suspect! Yeah, you...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
When is comes to ketchup, less is chafe. I'm not a man of moderation, and ketchup is no exception to this admirable quality of mine. That's why I can't believe a ketchup company hasn't made a bigger-sized packet yet. Even Hunt's could make a run in the industry if they expanded these Simon Birched-sized containters (sidenote: if you prefer Hunt's saltless ketchup to any other ketchup: do your parents a favor and change your name). If you're looking to eat healthy, don't eat food that requires any amount of ketchup. The grind of tearing open one of these bastards isn't worth the squeeze of three droplets that'll get me through a mere ten french fries. There's not a full meal out there that needs only one ketchup packet. I need more from a single packet. This here is what I'm talking about. This is what I've been waiting for. I'm tired of stealing the containers from Eagle's Deli when I have to take an order to go. Why can't these be everywhere? I don't want to have to look like a slob anymore, but if that's what it takes, lay off me I'm starving!
P.S. Catsup is also a grammatically correct spelling for ketchup. So is catchup. The more you know...
I don't know about you, but whenever I go home for break I go into a haunted dead zone where cell service is rarer than a well played game by Mark Sanchez (I will hunt you down and kill you if you ever do something wrong to Kate Upton). I take for granted at school being able to have a full set of service bars (except in Lower Live) at mostly all times of the day and in turn always being reachable. When I go home however, it is the exact opposite. When I'm at home, no one can reach me via phone and everyone is too scared to call the house phone. Things would get started earlier in the day if everyone could just roll over in bed and send out a few breakfast/workout texts to get the day going. Instead, everyone tries to fight the boredom until they can't bear it no more. Then usually the captain of your group has made a power move and plans start to roll in action.
Everyone knows though that there is one spot in your house where you have a statistically better chance to receive a text or call. That one spot is never in a convenient space, no, for some reason the cell wavelengths decided to work in a place where no human life would survive. When friends come over, that spot usually looks like tortoise mating season. Some phones are stacked on top of each other. Others are propped up against a window to get higher in the sky. When one text goes off, everyones heart drops hoping it was them that got the text and even being greedier sometimes and praying it was a text from a chick. The video games pause and the truth is revealed. If you have a girlfriend to text, don't bother putting it up there unless you want the whole crowd reading it. The moral of the story is, every place in a home should have service by now.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Gonna quickly run through a few Wild Card round picks here. This season has been the least predictable in recent memory and with that in mind I strongly encourage you to bet large amounts of money on all of these picks.
Lions at Saints (-11): New Orleans definitely takes this but I think the spread should be more like 8. The Stafford-Megatron combo could kill the Saints pass D (30th in the league). The Lions D-Line will get to Brees but he'll be able to dump off quick passes to Sproles for easy gains. Should be a high scoring affair but there's no way Brees and crew drop this at home.
Falcons (+3) at Giants: People are saying the Giants are heating up at the right time, but in reality they've won 2 games at home against .500 teams (let's not forget they lost to the Redskins 3 weeks ago). When they're on, they're great. When they're off, they are terrible. It's on Eli, and as a betting man I hate knowing my money rests in his performance. Matty Ice squeezes out a close one in JetLife stadium.
Pittsburgh at Denver (+9): My most confident pick - Pittsburgh. Denver scored 3 points against Kansas Fucking City at home last week. Tebow will get sacked 5+ times and complete 5-9 passes (less if Ryan Clark didn't have altitude sickness (wtf)). Big Ben will limp when he knows the camera's on him to get the commentators to discuss his rough/tough/blue collar etc attitude and proceed to poop on Denver's D. Love Von Miller but Pittsburgh could easily win by 20. Shutout is definitely not out of the question.
Cincinnati at Houston (-3): On paper Houston should take this one by more than 3 but like much of America I have a soft spot for the Andy Dalton - A.J. Green connection. The game will be decided by how well T.J. Yates plays against the Bengals fairly legit defense. I'll say 23-20, Cinci.
If my life depended on you laughing at this show then I would feel confident. Chris Lilley is a comical genius and I would love to know what goes through his head when he writes these shows. This show is an absolute gem and with fresh HBO GO you can easily watch the season. Anyone who doesn't like this show is a knob.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Watching Denver Broncos games is usually the closest I come to going to church on Sundays. Today was a little different, as I just saw some contortionist-type shit out of the Broncos captain Chris Kuper. God Bless his soul, this was a nasty injury. Getting rolled onto by a fellow 300 pounder is never pleasant, but the camera got a shot of Kuper's ankle just hanging and GOO!