Thursday, May 10, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Challenge: what do all five in common?
Challenge: Peerless Price
Sunday, May 6, 2012
My vote for the cover of the new chel. Some champion attributes:
• runner up for the
• hosts a great drinking game
• hooks it up with real-time chirps at ice level
• can fit into tight spaces
• starred in master of disguise
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
There's no reason to sugar-coat at a time like this: Thursday will be the last normal Thursday night of the school year and for approximately a quarter of BC students, it'll be the last one before...the last Thursday before...the last-JENKEMS STOP CRYING GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. What I'm trying to say is we gotta make this one count. Some of you may know Nicole Schuster: current BC student. She's a savage on the field-hockey field, and a class act off of it. Truly a quality person. Nix approached us recently with a very relevant event (a little rhyme for your bush right there) and we saw no better Grand-Finale Thursday than this. Her e-mail:
This Thursday, there will be an event at The Place in Boston (2 Broad Street, Boston, MA 02109) that will benefit my nephew’s chemo treatments and eye surgeries. The Place is not charging for this event so ALL of the proceeds will be going to pay for Edward’s treatments. Thanks in advance for your support in helping my nephew overcome his battle with cancer. I cannot stress enough how much this means to my family and me!
Kara Mackintire 508-847-0969
AJ Ferrera 617-699-5607
Thursday, April 26, 2012
And how did this job interview go?
"So tell me about your last job Mr. Fine"
"Sure, glad you asked. I joined Syracuse in 1976 and had a blast from the beginning. The atmosphere at Syracuse is unbelievable. The passion around the team is truly special. I went to 3 Final Fours and 2 Championship games, winning it once. I enjoyed keeping my players on track academically too. Most of my time was spent crafting defensive schemes, rebounding for players working on their jumpshot after practice, and touching little boys. Overall my time at Syracuse is what I refer to as "My Golden Years."
"Excellent. What would you say your weakness is?"
"OK, any other red flags I should know about?"
"None that comes to mind, no."
"Perfect. Mr. Fine, welcome to Maccabi Bazan Haifa!"
9:06 Tell me that isn't the rowdiest gym in the world.
16:09 Feature on Williams.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sportsbook.com NFL Draft props for this Thursday has first round QBs at over/under 3.5. Broston draft analyst and quarterback specialist Jenkems likes the over but let's see what our friends at the network have to say:
Kiper Mock Draft 4.0 | McShay Mock Draft 5.0 (buy insider)
Putting aside the first two picks, both Kiper and McShay still like Tannehill to the Dolphins at 8 as the only other QB taken in the first round and seem to believe that's a lock. Despite what our in-house draft analyst has to say I tend to agree with these two who are usually right when they share an opinion. I don't think that the better looking, more successful version of Shinskie (Weeden) is going to make it off the board in the first round unless for some reason Cleveland, who picks for a second time at 22, feels that he'll be taken sometime between 22 and their third pick at 37. Sportsbook likes the under also and lists it as a -180 favorite, winning you $11.11 with a $20 bet.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The 25-year-old Williams is a great athlete and talented shot blocker, but his personal issues have kept him from living up to his considerable potential so far. Williams was dismissed from the Boston College basketball team his junior year after being suspended multiple times, and was arrested in 2009 after being drafted by the Nets with the 17th overall pick in the 2007 draft.
YA BOY IS BACK. Sean Williams comes in at the right time to cool everybody down after an up-and-down season that featured such distractions as non-stop Rondo trade talks and non-stop Greg Stiemsma - Aryan Brother comparisons. Williams a.k.a. The King of Not Giving a Fuck once wrote obscenities on a fingerprint card and trespass warning instead of his name when he was tossed from BC's Campus in '09 despite getting invited to watch the Duke game. I will now point out that they lost that game by a point and maybe if there was just one more passionate BC fan in the crowd the outcome could have been different. Alas, I can't wait to see this dude ball. Mark my words: If Sean gets busted high off his ass tomorrow (very, very, very likely) he sails into the number 3 spot on the list of Ironic Celtics Jerseys to Own behind Chris Herren and Len Bias, respectively.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
As is tradition, we bring you the beautiful words of friend of the site, Notorious B.R.O. Fingers crossed Boggs comes.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of beer dragons danced in their heads. And Jenkem’s in his croakies, and I in my flatty, had just cracked ourselves our first scrumptious Natty.
When out in the Mods there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the window to see what was the fratter. Away to the Mods we flew with a flash, threw on some fresh pinnies to prepare for the bash.
Jenkem’s screamed out: “What’s that, is it chay?” I looked to the sky, dropped my jaw and said “Nay!” When, what to my blood shot eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh spewing out beer.
With a legend old driver, a drinking machine, I knew in a moment it must be Crunkushevene. Quicker than gravity he chugged like a boss, he howled and he shouted “FUCK YOU MIKE ROSS!”
He descended from the heavens, and called us by name. Then he echoed out amongst us and explained why he came. “I’ve come for the crunk,” he said with a grin. “I know of tomorrow, now, who brought the tin?”
Lucky for us, I was strapped with a tinny, and I pulled out the Skoal tucked under my pinny. “I’ve seen you before,” Jenkems said with a pause. “Me too” I agreed… "Aren’t you…Wade Boggs?”
My question amused him, he laughed and he said : "'Tis but a farce my good bros, you’ve all been misled. I am more than this beard and this Rays jersey of green. I am the Keeper of the Crunk, some call me Crunkushevene.”
“Now bros, I need pussy! Go find me a vixen. I’ve flown miles to be here, now I need me a fixin'. From the skanks of Co Ro, to the sluts of Walsh Hall, dash away, dash away, dash away all!”
The task at hand was not tough at all, just dropped the name Boggs and the sluts they did fall. After slaying 47 girls in 30 minutes or so, Boggs was done, and he was ready to go.
He climbed back on board his magnificent jet, and quickly inhaled 13 Miller Lites like a legendary vet. Climbing high into the heavens his plane it did soar, ascending to the ranks of Monday folklore.
There we stood, minds in a daze, still bedazzled by the great Boggs’ ways. From the stirrups to the biceps to the impeccable stache, his aura was majestic, his style unmatched.
Now it was bound to be a Monday unlike any other. Boggs came to Walsh as a god, but left as our brother.
He DUI’d his sleigh back to who-knows-where, beer dripping down his chin and Skoal ingrained in his facial hair. Off to a land where women were objects and “No means Yes”, how many he assaulted he’ll never confess.
Knowing not of personality nor brains, Boggs focused on breasts. The children lay warm anticipating a Monday of buddy sips and arrests.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
It has come to my attention that Sarah Hasselbeck was once struck by lightning. That's a pretty cool fun fact, but compounding that with the fact that her husband Matt has been struck twice makes me both horny and scared. Put a statue of Matt being hit by two lightning bolts outside Alumni 5 minutes ago, Gene. If I could choose one thing to survive unharmed (other than the upcoming apocalypse), I'd probably go with lightning. The electrocution would probably sting, but I'd be a hero. "Oh, you had a rough day? Work was tough? I had a rough day twice. Yeah the heavens dropped dick on me in the form of a lightning bolt, but I'm sure the fact that your boss didn't give you a good quarterly review stings just as bad." And this happened twice, Matt? They say that the odds of being struck by lightning in a given year is 1/500,000 (Wikipedia). The odds of surviving such a strike is something entirely different. Matt beat the shit out of those odds twice what a hero! And to marry fellow strike survivor Sarah, former BC field hockey player (Wikipedia), that just makes me want to get all kinds of nakey. I wonder what was more painful for Sarah: giving birth or being hit by a megavolt/meter flash. The odds of this are astounding, and that's what's got me so giddy. I'd gladly sacrifice a pair of soiled pants for the opportunity to start every bar conversation with "I got struck by lightning once. Lost a lot of good men out there." Matt, keep making your Alma Mater proud. And until that third strike comes, keep your ear to the grindstone (not sure if those are conductors or insulators).
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
It's been a while since I've written "A Word of Advice" but I felt compelled to let the people know about this documentary I just watched. It's directed by Adam Yauch (a.k.a. MCA of the Beastie Boys) and follows 8 of the best high school basketball players in the country leading up to an invitational game at Rucker Park in 2007. The players featured are: Michael Beasley, Tyreke Evans, Brandon Jennings, Jerryd Bayless, Lance Stephenson, Donte Greene, and ya boy Kevin Love. And also...Singler. The soundtrack is one of the best in any film I've ever seen. The trailer's below and you can rent the film for 2.99 on iTunes.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Our very own pen-pal Kevin Hall wrote us an uncharacteristically genuine email yesterday asking us to plug this event fighting cancer with comedy on April 11th. We've obliged for two reasons: 1. Kevin Hall will more likely than not be in the news one day (for good or bad, we still don't really know what he's all about) and I don't want to be sitting at home knowing that our email relationship in college went awry before we let him know how much we all appreciated his hatred. His alliance might be needed later on in life. Kevin might be a mild version of Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison for all we know (that's a joke Kev, we don't actually think you're violent). He's a mystery in our eyes and goddamn it we love it. 2. Most importantly, all kidding aside, we're plugging this because Kevin's got a good point: cancer sucks, and this seems like a unique way to raise money to support the cause. The event's gonna be a good time, and while we're not gonna sit here and encourage everyone to go and heckle Kevin, we're certainly not gonna sit here and discourage it either (Kev, we make joke again). Kevin and this blog have had an up-and-down relationship: he hates us as people and we love him as a hater. But despite our differences (and the fact that we've never met), we feel compelled to grant Kevin his wish and publicize this. Because if there is one thing that arch-enemies can agree on, it's that cancer sucks. I also gotta respect his resilience. Not many people love their grind as much as this guy does. He's the closest thing I've ever known to a chafeophile (lover of chafe). I literally know nothing about the event other than the information in this link, but that's what the internet is for. If anyone has interest, stopping by to help the cause would be a respectable thing, and it'd be greatly appreciated by everyone whose lives have been affected by cancer.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
I was at the bar the other night when I saw a gentleman approach a particularly attractive vixen. After some talking he offered to buy her a drink. She seemed pretty hesitant at first, but eventually said yes. I was standing right next to the guy, waiting to get a pitcher of the "cheapest thing you have on tap", when the barkeeper gave the him his change. After this Boggs-esque man went to put the change in his wallet he took out two crispy two-dollar bill$ and left them as his tip. Here I was sitting in sweatpants about to pay for a pitcher in quarters and singles and this absolute legend is wielding two dollar bills as tip. Shibby. If that girl didn't drop her panties for him later that night then she has some serious issues. When I got back to my table and delivered the pitcher to my mates it dawned on me...two-dollar bills are the shit. It's too easy.
Why are they so damn cool? Why did this guy think of this ploy before I did? A few thoughts I had: two is obviously the best denomination, and the two-buck bill is rare. It's where currency meets style. If you have Jeffersons in your wallet that means you care about your money and you like cool shit. It means that at one point in time you came across a two-dollar bill and decided to keep it for a special moment. Discipline. The bills are rare, but more importantly, they're economically invaluable. Anyone can stamp their name on them. The only reason they don't is because it takes time and it's ultimately a hassle. But because they're so rare, every time someone sees one they at least take note of it. It's a great conversation starter, and it's a cool phenomenon. Having a two-dollar bill is a sign of power without actually having to be powerful. All you need is two dollars (twenty cans) to get one of these and make yourself look a whole lot more important than you actually are.
I want a Jefferson cheddarbomb before my time is up.
Who’s Next to Join the 300 Club?
Milestone clubs in baseball are slowly losing their prestige as they become more and more diluted. I don’t know who the bouncer is for the ‘500 HR Club’ but he lets anybody and everybody through the doors with 10 members joining in the past 10 years (what are steroids?). What used to be a sure fire Hall of Fame ticket is now reduced to a Bud Selig hand shake followed by a full blown steroid investigation. As much as the steroid era has tainted the hitting clubs, the pitching clubs still have an aura of mystique. Two of the most defined clubs that come to mind are the ‘3,000 Strikeout Club’ and the ‘300 Wins Club’. If you had to name these two clubs on Sporcle, there wouldn’t be anyone that surprised you at the end. Everyone in the club belongs in the club and they don’t just accept anybody ala Northwestern Oklahoma State University. A lot of people say we will never see another 300 game winner but the people that say that are probably communists. While I may or may not have laid down some money in Vegas a few years back for Danny Almonte to be the next member, I do believe I will see another 300 game winner before I call it quits (Yes, medicine will be so good by the time I’m 100 that I’ll get to decide when I die). But who really has the best chance of all the current pitchers playing in the league? I realistically believe there are only two pitchers with a legitimate shot at doing it, as well as one dark horse who just began his journey. Lets take a closer look.
Age – 34
Wins – 188
Roy is a mere 112 wins from becoming the 25th player ever to win 300 games throughout his career. He turns 35 in May but is a known gladiator when it comes to working out. Starting young is a major advantage and Roy was in the majors at age 21. Here is how many games he won each year: 1, 8, 4, 5, 19, 22, 8, 12, 16, 16, 20, 17, 21, 19. He’s been one of the most consistent pitchers in the game for many years and with an effortless pitching motion he is able to place the ball exactly where he wants it to go. In my opinion, accuracy is one of the most important attributes needed to win games as you get older. Not everyone can gas it 100 mph’s at the age of 40 (Nolan Ryan is smirking somewhere). Roy has a plethora of pitches as well, including a fastball, slider, cutter, changeup and curveball. Here’s a look at where Roy compares to other 300 game winners at age 34 as well as their win totals over the rest of their career.
Randy Johnson, 143 (160 wins)
Tom Glavine, 208 (97 wins)
Greg Maddux, 240 (115 wins)
Roger Clemens, 213 (141 wins)
Nolan Ryan, 189 (135 wins)
Don Sutton, 217 (107 wins)
Phil Niekro, 110 (208 wins)
Tom Seaver, 235 (76 wins)
Steve Carlton, 225 (104 wins)
Gaylord Perry, 177 (137 wins)
It’s not farfetched for Roy to get another 112. Not farfetched by any means. Here are some various average win totals and how close they bring Halladay to 300 wins:
Through age 40
Six years, 18 wins per season: 108 wins, 296 total
Six years, 16 wins per season: 96 wins, 284 total
Through age 41
Seven years, 17 wins per season: 119 wins, 307 total
Seven years, 16 wins per season: 112 wins, 300 total
Through age 42
Eight years, 15 wins per season: 120 wins, 308 total
Eight years, 14 wins per season: 112 wins, 300 total
Through age 43
Nine years, 14 wins per season: 126 wins, 314 total
Nine years, 13 wins per season: 117 wins 305 total
Bill James odds to win 300 games – 49%
Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 39%
Age – 31
Wins – 176
This beast of a man in my eyes is the morning line favorite to be the next club member. He has double digit wins every year of his career and just recently signed a long-term contract with the winningest franchise in MLB history. He’s got the bats right now to give him a strong push these next few years and I’m sure the Yankees will sign some new studs as the Jeter era comes to a close to help C.C down the stretch. Of the 12 current 300-game winners who pitched primarily after World War II, none had as many victories through their age 29 year. He has started more games than anybody else in the league the past 3 years (with Halladay 2nd) and his second in innings pitched (with Halladay 1st). Because he pitches so deep into games, he gives the bullpen a very small chance to blow the game. He came onto the scene at age 20 and won 17 games as a rookie. He then proceeded to win 13, 13, 11, 15, 12, 19, 17, 19, 21, and 19 games. That means he has more than 15 victories in 5 of his last 8 seasons. That defines the word consistent. He has stayed healthy and only gotten better each year. Here are some various average win totals and how close they bring Sabathia to 300 wins:
Through age 37
Six years, 18 wins per season: 108 wins, 284 total
Six years, 16 wins per season: 96 wins, 272 total
Through age 38
Seven years, 17 wins per season: 119 wins, 295 total
Seven years, 16 wins per season: 112 wins, 288 total
Through age 39
Eight years, 15 wins per season: 120 wins, 296 total
Eight years, 14 wins per season: 112 wins, 288 total
Through age 40
Nine years, 14 wins per season: 126 wins, 302 total
Nine years, 13 wins per season: 117 wins 293 total
Through age 41
Ten years, 13 wins per season: 130 wins, 306 total
Ten years, 12 wins per season: 120 wins, 296 total
If Sabathia were to theoretically average 20 wins per season these next two years and then 15 wins per season over the following six years, he would end up with 306 wins at the age of 39. As long as C.C. lays of the hamburgers, I think he’s got a real good shot at winning 300.
Bill James odds to win 300 games – 48%
Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 69%
The dark horse. The 23 year old phenom who just won his first Cy Young will racking up the NL triple crown for pitching. Kershaw will soon be the best pitcher in baseball in my eyes. The tall lefty who works out like an Olympian and strikes you out like you never called his sister back after the first date. He’s got a slew of pitches (I feel like that’s the only time I use the word slew in a sentence, much like only using wily to describe a veteran) that allow him to go deep into games and he plays in a pitcher friendly ballpark that was just purchased by Magic Johnson. I know it’s early to peg his chances at 300 but there is just something about him that gives me hope. He’s ultra competitive and has unreal lettuce coming out the back of his ball cap.
Bill James odds to win 300 games – N/A
Lt. Jenkems odds to win 300 games – 25%
Felix Hernandez- Age 25, 85 wins
Justin Verlander - Age 27, 109 wins
Mark Burhle - Age 32, 161 wins
Disagree or think I've overlooking someone? Comment then you poon-tang