Hand motions at 0:20 are reminiscent of...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Hand motions at 0:20 are reminiscent of...
I'm not gonna go grab a fork to clean up the rubble. You've just fucked up my whole day. This can't even be called a burrito anymore. It's nothing more than an orb of Mexican chafe. As if not taking Eagle Bucks wasn't enough, this is surely the straw that broke the Fratsby's back. See ya never Chipoodle.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Daily Mail - When author Sheridan Simove sat down to write his new book, What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex, he drew a blank... literally. So he had it published anyway with a front cover and 200 completely empty pages. But it's proved a cult hit and has outsold both Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code within weeks of its release on cyber bookshop Amazon.com. The £4.69 masterpiece has transcended its original purpose as a novelty gift, and is being used by students as a lecture notebook. And it's selling by the thousands.
Nottingham university student Jess Lloyd told the Telegraph: 'I bought a copy for my mate as a joke and he started using it as a note pad for lectures. Now everyone seems to have one. It’s started a real craze on campus.' Mr Simove, 39, an Oxford University graduate, author, performer and entrepreneur, said: 'I never anticipated that my book would be used for students to take their lecture notes in.
'In a sense they are proving me wrong by filling my book with content. But I wonder how many of them go back to thinking about sex once the lecture is over. 'The item has sold out its first print run, slotting in at number 744 on Amazon's list, ahead of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code (2,910) and JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2,406).
You know those moments when you're just like, 'That should be me, I could easily have done what that sonofabitch did'? Yeah, you could say that this is one of those times. Dude fills the book with blank pages and just sells it the fuck out on Amazon? Cannot believe he beat me to that shit.
And he's right.
If you've got time (you do) watch the plane crash scene on YouTube too.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Update: ESPN and TBS are frozen now. Why?
Am I the only one who hasn't seen a single difference in Gasson's appearance since the construction crews have been out there? I don't really care that much (hence this being a baby and not a fully matured chafe) but I just want answers. What are those buffoons getting up to in there? Talking chicks? Debating where Cam Newton would fit best? Playing Words With Friends? What exactly is the finished product even supposed to look like? Are the rumors about the zipline leading straight to the Plex true? If all that heavy-duty weaponry is gonna be out there until I graduate that place better look fucking sexy upon completion.
Back in the day (I’m talking elementary school), it didn’t take much for a girl to grab my attention. If she wasn’t huge, she was an automatic 6. If she had long hair, that brought her up to a 7 at least. From there, it was all about popularity. What made a girl popular other than looks? Style and attitude. Even if a girl was skinny with long hair, I wasn’t chasing her if she didn’t have a choker necklace. If she rocked the choker necklace, I dreamed about unfreezing her in a fresh game of freeze tag during morning recess. I wanted to walk her home from school if and only if her neck was covered by that twisting piece of plastic. It's hard to believe that a single accessory was such a deal-breaker, but it was. Life was simple back then: wake up, race to school, some simple multiplication, play running bases or pick-up football, eat, scope out the choker necklaces, try to impress the girls with said necklaces, spread rumors about who liked who, cry after losing in gym class, color inside the lines, then go home and get a neighborhood game of cops and robbers or manhunt going.
Life was also socially simple. A girl was either skinny or fat: there was no other distinguishing feature about her body. Because of that, guys had no choice but to scope out the neck. And I’d be damned if a rumor spread about me liking a girl who didn’t sport one of those bad boys. I don’t think that I’ve ever encountered an Aphrodisiac as strong as a choker necklace. Back in the day when I’d think about my perfect wife, she definitely would have been rocking a choker at the altar. Now they sit in the shadow of society. Someone out there, please bring these back. I miss them.
Stealing family phone upgrades is as common as playing with the Vancouver Canucks in NHL '11. I don't know the exact time you have to wait to get an upgrade, but I do know that in a family of six, there is always one to be had. Sisters and mothers are the easy ones to pray on. As far as I'm concerned, they don't know what an upgrade is (I really hope they aren't reading this). Us technologically savvy Men know how many tins an upgrade can save you. The prices get rolled back and instead of dropping big dough on the new iFresh 4 for Verizon, you pay a measly 2hundo. With that being said, there is nothing worse than going in to a store to use an upgrade you've been saving since your 2004 LG Chocolate, only to find out you've been swindled by another family member. You're in as bad a mood as when you found out Chris Farley OD'd on drugs, but you eat it, because you know that you can't puppy guard your upgrades. It's a first come first serve type of thing. If I happen to drop my blueberry in the toilet and I need a new phone, well, tough luck for you Pops, I'm taking your upgrade.
ESPN.com - Oakland A's pitcher Dallas Braden is a master of the offseason getaway. Last year he traveled to Amsterdam, where he made snow angels in Dam Square and toured the Medieval Torture Museum. This winter he spent three weeks roaming Japan and Thailand, where he experienced the thrill of feeding a baby tiger and riding around the jungle on the back of an elephant.
Braden was accompanied by his close friend and fellow free spirit, San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson, the man who struck out Nelson Cruz for the final out of the 2010 World Series. On several mornings Braden rose to the sound of "The Beard'' cackling gleefully. As recurrent wakeup themes go, it was a lot more enjoyable than Bill Murray being roused by Sonny and Cher at 6 o'clock in "Groundhog Day.''
"There were days when we'd wake up and he just started laughing,'' Braden said. "I was like, 'What?' And he would say, 'You threw a perfect game and I won the World Series. That's not funny to you?'''
During their conversations, Wilson recounted the Giants' entire championship odyssey -- from the team's late-season National League West title push to the magical October run all the way through the ticker-tape parade. The more Wilson reflected on his experience, the more life-altering and vivid it appeared in Braden's imagination.
"You could hear it in his voice,'' Braden said. "It's something that can never be taken away from you. Never, never, ever, ever. Was I jealous? Yeah, I was 100 percent jealous. I was 4 million percent jealous.''
"There were days when we'd wake up and he just started laughing." "I was like, 'What?' And he would say, 'You threw a perfect game and I won the World Series. That's not funny to you?'''
"Yeah, I was 100 percent jealous. I was 4 million percent jealous.''
Monday, March 28, 2011
There is something about being on a roof that just tickles you the right way. When you're on a roof, it probably means one of two things; you're doing something illegal, or the weather is just too damn nice to not try and get closer to the sun (I'd say 95% of the time it is both). Roofs aren't made to be living rooms but there definitely are the flat roof tops that just ask for it. The harder the access to the roof, the more rewarding it is when you get out there. I've seen 300 lb men try and climb through a window just so they can feel the tranquility of being on a roof. You become all seeing when you're that high up. Life just seems to make sense on a roof. Plus, you have the upper hand if you were to have to throw something at someone.