Thursday, November 10, 2011

Baby Chafe - Play It Safe

If I sit here and knock all the library security guards then I'm seriously undercutting the moral standards of this site. We all know that the night watchman with the short sleeve button-down and tie is one of the best employees at BC behind RedBeard and the CLXF maintenance worker. But a chafe's a chafe, and sometimes some of the security guards go on a little power-trip. I'm here in O'Neill on a Thursday afternoon, and because I can't ever sit still in a library for more than 10 minutes, I got up and scoped out the talent on the 4th floor, which is usually above average. I was gone for probably 5 minutes, and if it wasn't horrible enough that I was in the library this late on a Thursday, I came back to find this condescending and sarcastic letter from security. This got me thinking about a few things: 1. The only letters that don't suck are either from your grandma on your birthday with money attached to it or from a chick back when you were in 5th grade. Safe to say that every other letter is not worth opening. 2. You're a security guard: it is your job to make sure nothing bad happens in the library. There is very little traffic here today, so when you see my shit unattended, instead of leaving a letter, why don't you keep watch for thirty seconds? I know it isn't in your job description, but it'd be more effective than just dropping a note then bouncing. There's really nothing else urgent going on in here that needs your surveillance, trust me on that. 3. Leaving a piece of paper only notifies any potential thieves that I have been away from my shit long enough for you to have passed by, which is the same thing as putting a bucket of candy out on Halloween with a "take one" sign attached to it. 4. Why don't the futuristic vending machines ever have anything in stock? 5. Why am I still here? The thing is, you can tell me what to do all you want while I'm in here. I'll give you that. But you will never have the power to take a Thursday Night from me. I know I have a shitload of work due tomorrow, but after this letter fiasco, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! IM SORRY I CAN'T!!

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