I have a lot of time on my hands during the summer. With this extended free time comes a heightened potential for shit to get weird. It’s always great to party with the crew that you popped your booze cherry with back in the day. Now that we’re all a little older, most of us are a little crazier, and hardly any of us are any wiser, summer nights with the bros are spent testing (breaking) boundaries. I mean let’s face it: we’ve been boozing in this town for 6 or 7 years, and we’re all a little sick of going to the same house party then cabbing it home. We’re moving on to bigger and better things: we’re moving on to townie mischief.
We’ve always considered ourselves townies, but we’re all dedicating ourselves this summer to townie mischief. We’re off to a great start; it beats the hell out of the ordinary nightlife at home. This past weekend, for instance, the local university threw down a free concert for its students. This turned into a townie fest: a lot of high-school pride and tons of animosity towards the students. I’m sure the students felt out of place, because damn it I felt at home. That’s what being a townie is all about. I love the feeling. If you have a spot near your house that is considered “touristy” or welcomes a lot of people from the outside, claim it as your own. Demand respect. Go there whenever you’re bored and start trouble. You have to assemble a crew of bros who are willing to go to extreme lengths for a good time. It’s not fun if you half-ass this townie business, so go all out. Be prepared to look like an asshole to everyone there, and be prepared to communicate with fellow townies using only high-fives. It's childish, regressive, and absurd, but it's unbeatable when well-executed. Being a townie isn’t a glorious job, but summer is boring as it is and it would be unfulfilling without something like this to put on your resume.