Monday, June 27, 2011

Cleaning Ladies



My cleaning lady is a good person. She definitely wouldn’t say the same thing about me, but she’s a good person. We’ve been in a silent war for about 8 years now, and I don’t see this one ending any time soon. It's a grind. Every Wednesday before I head downstairs, I go to find my deodorant and it’s not in the usual spot on top of my dresser. After a brief moment of confusion I realize my Aqua Reef is in the bathroom because my cleaning lady came in my room the previous day and put it there. Despite how much I’ve asked my parents, they won’t fire her for imposing this tiniest of baby-chafes on me every week. I strike back. Every time I lose something that my mom warned me not to lose, it’s just my instinct to throw my cleaning lady under the bus, accusing her of stealing anything from gift certificates to my 2nd grade art-works. Also, whenever I’m home on Tuesday mornings, I can’t help but get the feeling that the cleaning lady is following me around the house. I’ll start watching TV in the family room, then 5 minutes later she barges in with the loudest vacuum in the region, so I move. 10 minutes after that she’s in the basement disrupting me again. Jesus, lady. It’s like she’s out to get me.

I have long known that she comes on Tuesdays, and have recently started abusing that knowledge. If there’s interest to party around town I immediately offer my house if Tuesday is near. On Monday nights me and whatever selection of weird people I find can go into my basement and act like a bunch of retarded gorillas without a worry in the world. I don’t care because I know that by the time I wake up tomorrow, my basement lair will be cleaner than it was before the madness. It’s like clockwork. That should teach her to not touch my Old Spice. I clean up enough at school, and I like to consider this the off-season. Whenever my parents ask me to clean my room or the basement on the weekend, I give it about 30% because I know that she’s just gonna come in Tuesday and kill it for me. It makes me a terrible person, I know, but I just want my Aqua Reef on my dresser every Tuesday Morning. Ellie, if you read BrostonCollege, stop moving my deodorant so we can end this war once and for all and have a proper cleaning-lady (preferably maid) relationship like the people do online…

13 comments:

  1. hahahah heheh hahah!

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  2. god i hope this is the intern

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  3. Douchiest post in the history of this site?

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  4. some rare summer quality on this site.

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  5. it took you a week to come up with this?

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  6. We were all thinking this... Great to see you post it.

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  7. God, I hope the next post covers some common BMW or Lobster related chafes

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  8. Chafe: Your mom telling you to clean up for the cleaning lady.

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  9. so fucking true^^^

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  10. I bet every bro at BC has experienced that one. ^^

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  11. saw muldo this weekend... his hair is still killing it

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  12. My former cleaning lady (Tish) was the same way. Battled for years. Economy tanked, fired Tish, hired to puerta ricans to do the same job for less, told them not to come in my room ever. Problem solved.

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