Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sean Combs Up to His Usual Tricks

Admittedly I'm a little late on this (5 days but that's an eternity in internet years) but I could not let Sean Combs change his alias again without blogging about it. So his new name's Swag. Just Swag. Let that resonate for a minute.

Let me start by addressing the word "swag". I was almost sure this phrase had really seen the last of its days (along with: pwned, your mom, fail, that's what she said). I thought it was killed two years ago after Soulja Boy used it in his "half-fratbanger, half-headache",
Turn My Swag On. I thought it was really killed when this Gatorade ad beat it to death by creating the word "re-swagger". I thought it was dead after Bieber started dropping it every other sentence (as much as that pleased Uncle Chafe). Even Michael Scott (R.I.P.) used swag in 2006. 2006. Come on Diddy. If a fictional manager of a fictional paper company based out of Scranton, PA is using slang half a decade before you are, you're probably not that legit anymore.

Let's ponder the fact that Diddy is only making his name "Swag" for one week. A few cardinal nickname sins are involved here. First and foremost, you never give yourself a nickname. Never. Second, if you get a nickname, no matter how you get it, it never has a time limit on it. That's the most preposterous thing I have ever heard of. If your fat buddy nicknamed "Chubs" loses ten pounds it's not like you're gonna stop addressing him by his given title. It just doesn't work that way. I mean, what if I decided to rename my dog every week? Quick answer: my dog would be extremely fucked in the head.

These goons with Diddy just can't get enough of the word. It's like they're being paid in blunts just to keep yapping it (not a far-fetched notion). In all honesty, I think the peak of Diddy's career was his appearance in Get Him to the Greek. He was in it for like ten minutes and killed it.

Obama Crushing Guinness

The Head of State on his recent trip to Ireland staring down a Guinness with a look of pure alcoholism on his face. Even Michelle's into it.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Where Are They Now? - The Little Rascals

I had a solid crew when I was young, but these rascals put my crew to shame. They had meetings, they made cash, and boy they hated women. Spanky, Alfalfa, Stymie and the gang had something we all envied: a clubhouse. Moreover, they had order. They took an oath, and any member who broke the “He Man Woman Hater” oath was shunned. Damn they hated it when Alfalfa chose the ho over the bros. Where’s the crew now? Ironically, each one’s role as a women hater is probably the main thing they use to get chicks today

Bug Hall – Everyone knows that Alfalfa was soft. He broke the code, and almost broke up the group. But in the end he was a hero, and the crew’s meetings turned into make-out sessions. The clubhouse turned into a nice spot to take a chick. Bug Hall was in American Pie’s Book of Love, The Big Green, and Honey we Shrunk Ourselves, among other movies. Bug’s doing (relatively) alright.

Travis Tedford- Spanky was a man’s man. A stubborn little mastermind, he always had a game-plan. Spanky was the leader, mainly because he hated girls more than everyone else did. Since the '94 flick, Tedford made appearances in All That, Recess, A Bugs Life, and had a non-speaking cameo in an episode of Smart Guy. His best work was in the grape juice commercials. He nailed those. He graduated community college in Texas last year, and he’s just living like a normal dude. Probably rails a lot of chicks now, which is against everything he once stood for.

Kevin Jamal Woods – Stymie definitely had the best swag out of the male supremacists. The man loved his fidora, and the vest and cane combo kept the bitches screaming for him. He’d never oblige due to his commitment to the club, though. Woods was the voice of a puppy in the movie Babe. He now goes to community college in Texas. That’s about all I could get.

Jordan WarkolFroggy, what a voice. Warkol later voiced a bad guy on Rocket Power, and also played the role of “Frightened Boy” in an episode of Baywatch. Baywatch? Way to sell-out, woman-lover.

Zachary Mabry – So precious. Porky got the memo that none of his co-stars got and quit acting all-together. He’s graduating high-school this year. Good move, Mabry.

Ross Bagley – I always thought Buckwheat was a girl that the boys made an exception for because Porky convinced them to, but I guess I was wrong. Buckwheat and Porky were inseparable, and they were a great duo. Bagley later played Nicky Banks on Fresh Prince (solid) and was in Independence Day as well, among other things. He’s a senior at Cal St. Univetsity Northridge.

Courtland Mead – Uh-Huh was a yes man. He was the type of role-player that kept this group together. Mead later voiced Gud Griswold in Recess (really). If any of you could have called that I’ll buy you a thirty (not really).

Sam Saletta – Butch. Back when “jerk” was my go-to insult, Butch defined it. Such a bully, but he got his. Saletta later voiced Sam Squid on Rocket Power. He also had some role in 7th Heaven.

Blake McIver – I hated Waldo Aloysius Johnston III. McIver was later the voice of Eugene from Hey Arnold. A lot of sources say that the theater major is now gay, but he hasn’t confirmed or denied it yet.

Brittany Ashton Holmes – Darla hasn’t acted since 1996 when she was “The Girl on Boat” in Humanoids from The Deep. I never saw it but I bet she did an awful job. I resent that girl for almost breaking up the greatest group of friends to ever walk this Earth.

Their lives now aren't exactly what I thought they'd turn out to be. Most of them have been out of the biz since Y2K, but that doesn't change what they did for me when I was younger. That doesn't change who they once were. Stay strong crew: I'm sure at least one of you can fight your way up to being a D list celebrity one day.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Word of Advice - Look For The X's

I was watching The Depahted with Lane Piffin recently and he pointed out something pretty interesting about the flick. Apparently in almost every scene where someone is about to get killed, there is an "X" of some form in the background. Some are easier to spot than others. A few examples:

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

LeVon Washington Loves Peach Dip

Indians outfielder tweets about pretty much nothing except his love for peach dip. Gotta agree with his argument regarding cherry.


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #152 Realizing the Sirens Aren't For You

When gunning it on the highway, running down a dream, I often tend to bend the speed limit a little bit. Sometimes 55 isn’t fast enough, especially when you have a 12 hour drive you’re trying to make in 10. Whenever I think I’m gonna get nabbed, I don’t. Whenever I’m ignorant about the fact that I’m making the speed limit look like the work of a tricycle, that’s when the fuzz finds me. Tunes are jamming and it’s dark outside when all of a sudden the rear view turns into a multi-colored strobe light. It doesn’t even matter if I’m breaking the law at the time the sirens go off. I always think they’re for me. I’m always prepared to be fucked by the long dick of the law. Whether I'm in my car flying or sitting on some Natties in Brighton, when I see/hear sirens, I think the worst.

That “Oh shit” moment sucks, and I immediately hit the brakes. Then, through nothing short of a miracle, the copper switches lanes and flies by, not even giving a passing glance. The next five minutes are full of smiles and thoughts and timeless sentiments including “I can’t imagine how shitty that would have been if I got pulled over.” Hugs and high-fives all-around. The combination of relief and getting away with it nearly brings tears to my eyes every damn time. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

Monday, May 16, 2011

New Flintstones Episodes to Be Aired on Fox

MacFarlane will give a 21st century spin to the classic 1960s animated comedy series about the lives of Fred Flintstone, his wife Wilma, and their neighbors Barney and Betty Rubble. -LAtimes.com

I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it. The Flintstones are obviously a classic and with MacFarlane's twist this show could be gold. Like a South Park you could watch with your parents without squirming when Cartman talks about his mom fucking him (You had to be there). It's either gonna tank or be great but fingers crossed for the latter.

This Is How You Celly

Some random soccer team from Iceland setting the celly bar pretty high.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Scariest Movie Ever?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: James Franco is trying to create a drug that would cure Alzheimer's. They test it on apes and it works, but the apes become super smart, escape, and start taking over the world. Did Franco write this high or did Franco write this high? Comes out in August.

It's Just Around the Corner

Second semester finals are especially tough to focus for because my mind is always elsewhere. We're not studying in the endless dark of December. No, we're locked up in Carney looking out the window at this beautiful day, thinking about the glory that is only days away. My plans for summer are always ambitious to say the least. This summer, for instance, I have pledged to go skydiving, join a paintball league, learn how to break-dance, and join the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest on the Fourth of July. Obviously, there's a strong chance that none of these will happen. However, I am taking a stand this summer. I'm making a promise and I'm following through with it. If there is one thing I will do this summer, it's play soccer in jailbird outfits in a game refereed by a rabbit while wearing binoculars. I think going to flight school is a prerequisite for participation. Let's make this happen people. Cleveland Circle fields, Saturday afternoon, BYOB (binoculars). See you Sallies out there. Back to the grind.

Playoff Chatter

The playoff season is well underway and both leagues have provided some really solid entertainment so far. Let me take a break from crushing key terms and spit some knowledge for a minute:

• Which big 3 team's run is more over - Garnett/Ray/Pierce or Duncan/Ginobili/Parker? This won't go over well but I'm gonna say the Celtics. This is not to say that the team is in ruins, they're still gonna be a tough team to beat next year, but it's because the East is getting really good, really fast. The Bulls, Heat, Hawks, and yes, even the Knicks are all on the rise while the C's and Magic (assuming they lose Howard) are slowly fading from the top. Although the Spurs are aging, they had the second best win pct. in the league (first in the West), and actually do have some budding up-and-comers in DeJuan Blair and my man Gary Neal. Plus Tony Parker's only 28. Sidenote - did you know Manu is 6'6''? Could have sworn he was no more than 6'0''.

• Postseason MVP thus far goes to the regular season MVP, with Dirk and D-Wade certainly in the conversation. D-Wade has quietly/ehhh not so quietly performed better than LeBron in the postseason, leading the Heat in average points, assists, and steals. On the other hand LeBron has led the league in triumphant howls and flexing motions in the direction of the crowd so he's got that going for him. Dirk took a big German dump on the Lakers' D and in my mind has become the best foreign player of all time, sorry Darko.

• What's there to say about the Thunder that you don't already know? They're young, wild, and free and consistently the funnest team to watch. Sure, Westbrook could dish to Durant a bit more, but a good coach should be able to work that out. Time to prove yourself Scott Brooks. Much love for the small-market squads (I see you Grizz Nation).

• In the NHL, we've seen some quality playoff games as well. Plenty of getting pucks to the net, that's fer sher. B's-Habs really could not have gotten much better as a series. The Lightning are a scary squad but I'm taking the Canucks to win it all, unless the Sharks wear their black uni's in 4+ games of the Western Conference Finals.

• Kind of going on a tangent here, but 3 things I would change about hockey:
1. Shorten the time between periods - should be more like a quarter break in the NFL/NBA rather than halftime in either of those sports. These guys are subbing every few minutes and are already in insane shape, they don't need that long. Then again, this is coming from a guy sitting on a couch sucking down Milwaukee's Beast and nachos.
2. There is no reason fighting should be "less allowed" during the playoffs. I despise rules that apply to the playoffs and not the regular season (see NFL overtime rule). Not only are fights one of the best things about hockey, they'd be twice as heated in the playoffs. The NHL could help itself out a lot by not issuing suspensions for fights.
3. Make the goals bigger. Simple request that could change the game for the better. One of the main things I don't like about hockey are garbage goals. Goals that come from 7 people flailing around the goalie trying to find the puck as if a full tin were thrown into my common room. This isn't entertaining to watch, it's just not good TV. I want snipes. I want twisted wristas. I want Hawkeye bullets from the ladies' tees. Bigger goals would get guys to shoot from farther out, and obviously would lead to more scoring. Hockey is way more entertaining to watch in person rather than TV, probably more so than any other sport, and anytime I watch a scoreless period on TV I feel like I've just wasted 45 minutes of my life.

• Lastly, sad to see Phil Jackson get swept (how many times have you heard that?) to end his career. Billy Simmons had a solid article about him on ESPN.com today, though I did think he was a bit harsh on reminding us how old Phil was. Spent way more time talking about Phil's actual body than necessary. Bill is right, though, in that Jackson will not be remembered for this sweep but for the godlike mark he left on the game. You can say that players like Kobe and Michael barely even need a coach, but I'll let Simmons cover that argument for me. Sayonara, Zen Master.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Chris Lilley From "Summer Heights High" Is Back

I think this is what they like to call a "good blog post". Jenkems blabbering for two days straight about his blogging prowess. And then this happens. Chris Lilley of "Summer Heights High" fame is back in a new show called "Angry Boys". It premiered in Australia last night and is going to be aired on HBO in the U.S. this summer. Couldn't find a release date (which means there probably isn't one yet (I'm pretty good at the Internet)). This is going to be special.

Episode 1 part 1 above, part 2 below. Live from the outback.

Obama on 60 Minutes

Funny? Not funny?

Book Report

I got sniped by the librarian trying to steal this book the other day.

The Canucks' Secret Weapon

Wanted: BC Dining

I don't know what's bigger larceny, getting T.J. Whoseyamomma in the 7th round OR BC dining taking back all the money we didn't spend at the end of the year. We get ittt BC, you give us a lot of moneyyyy. Some savages spend it all. Others are walking around with 1,000+ monopoly dollars in their pocket. For the underclassmen out there that are packing heat, don't be afraid to help someone in need. It's a great way to start convo with a babe and its a great way to avoid getting wedgies from the older bullies. About 87% of all juniors out there are on welfare right now. Eagle bucks can only take us so far, but for this final homestretch we need younger siblings, cousins and friends to crutch on. It erks me that BC wants the money they give us back. I thought this was a Catholic school? At least at the end of the year give us 60 dollars or something, anything (no coincidence why I chose 60$, ok $55 if you're lucky).

To get back at the dining devils, feel free to buy everything you can carry. It's like having a minute to run through Toys R' Us and get as many squirt guns and RCA trucks as you can. Only this time you have to grab as many cases of Vitamin Water and Ritz Bitz as possible. Even if you don't need anything, buy it and throw it at someone. Just don't let BC win this war. Viva la Revolucion!

Baby Chafe - Not Knowing Where The Sound Is Coming From On Your Computer

All of us have a little Sherlock Holmes deep down within, but sometimes our pet computers get the better of us. Macs (tell me you don't have a PC) for the most part are flawless when it comes to pop ups, but let's be honest, we really test its abilities by going to certain websites. Now that everyone tries to advertise on the world wide web we see and hear a lot of commercials. Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's in a small little box on a window that you just can't find. You check to see if your itunes (aka ichunes) is playing and you close any unnecessary windows down, but you still can't find it. The worst noise is hearing, "Congratulations, you have just won..." Eventually you find that little critter and you mute or exit the shit out of it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Style Report: New Wizards Jerseys

Holy threads, Batman! They'll be wearing these all next season, they're not a throwback. Dead sexy.

Anti-Bro of the Week: Luke Rodgers

Luke Rodgers is a madman with a bald head and a nose for trouble. The redcoat has been in the headlines for bad reasons before. One time back in England, he got into it with an opponent and
waited for him in the parking lot after the game (enough with the Gilmore quotes already). After he scored a hat-trick in another match, he went out to celebrate and got arrested at a pub for a "violent crime." Those are both pretty legendary stories that should not be hated on by this site, but it's pretty downhill from there. Once Rodgers set off two fireworks outside of a Bromwich pub one night, one of the which lost control and hit a 16 year-old girl in the face. The firework got stuck to her face until it exploded, leaving irreversible burns and scars. Rodgers got 100 hours of community service.Then there's this, which cements this chache as an Anti-Bro of the Week. He's most recently been in the headlines for calling Landon Donovan a dickhead during Saturday's Red Bulls-Galaxy game. Anyone who respects America will hate on that, especially after watching this and this (chills). As hard as it is to hate on a guy as down-to-party as Rodgers, I have to deem him an Anti-Bro for that stunt. I know how heated players get in games, but don't call the face of American soccer a dickhead in his own country. You just made yourself one powerful enemy. Fuck you, Luke.

P.S. Good luck to Sacir Hot, former BC man who is now with the Red Bulls. Never met the kid, but I hear he could be doing big things in the future.

The NBA Season Is Getting Even Bigger

What a flipping night of games! Cannot wait for these playoffs to continue.

Fresh Full Version

I guess Heineken wants to save some dough by not spending money to get a minute and a half slot for one of their best commercials in recent memory. Anyway, the full version is three times as good as the one on TV.

P.S. Shazam'd the song in this commercial. It's called 'The Golden Age' by 'The Asteroids Galaxy Tour'

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Tribes And Tribulations Of Finding A Good Study Spot

Well Day 1 has officially started. This is the time when girls get really serious (study guides become hard to get your paws on). The bad weather is almost a blessing in disguise. In my opinion it is much easier to study in the rain then it is to study in sunny 80 degree weather. With that being said, here are some words of wisdom on finding a good spot to study:

-Don't go to O'Neill. Plain and simple. You'll walk around for 30 minutes and find absolutely nothing. You wont even find a place on the ground to sit criss-cross apple sauce. Not only that, but the atmosphere in there is frightening. Everyone in O'Neill seems nervous, and I attribute that to all the young blood walking around. A clear rookie mistake to think you'll do a solid job studying in O'Chafe Library.

Upside: Printers
Downside: Claustrophobia
NBA Comparison: Eric Snow

-Find some comrades and get a classroom. Your study roster really only needs about 3 good starting pitchers. If one of them has a good curveball aka a car (off campus purposes) sign him. If one of them has a good fastball, aka a tin of skoal, bring him. What you bring to the table is heavily scrutinized when selecting a crew to hunt down a classroom (hunting down a classroom during finals week is as difficult as naming the starting rotation for the Pittsburgh Pirates). Keep your inner circle small. The more people you bring, the less focused you'll be.

-Get as many tables into a classroom as you can. Desks remind us of class, class reminds us of pain. What better way to work then to sprawl out all over a desk and sit in a chair that isn't attached to anything? If there are no tables, make a MegaDesk with as many as you can.

-Be prepared to fight. More than once have I seen a revolution started. A mutiny can take place at any time as classrooms and study spots switch leadership. Don't let a bunch of chicks take over your spot. Make them show you the teacher who they claim is holding a review session in the room. Don't give up your real estate without seeing cold hard proof. There are a lot of snakes out there and it's hard to trust people during finals week (never trust anybody with two first names either). On the contrary, if you are a real dick, you can sometimes overthrow a classroom, usually by bringing in a lot of peeps (not the mallows) and being noisy you can run some squids out of the room. Make sure to half mass the flag so everyone knows the room has been taken over.

-Don't reveal your spot too early. People love to mooch off kids with classrooms. There are usually two outlets per room, so keeping a 4 person cap is ideal. Though of course you need reserves in case anyone gets injured (i.e. carpel tunnel syndrome).

-Get sleazy. Sleaze wins championship during finals week. I found myself in an ERC study room yesterday. I didn't even know that place existed.

-Gotta hold court. You can't be locked up in a room forever (despite what that Asian girl in your Analytical Chemistry class might say) so make sure you leave in shifts or leave the right stuff behind if you all bounce to grub. No one steals anything on this campus (except for my bike and any sign that has the word Walsh on it).

Enjoy the grind.

Chafe - Starting a Paper (featuring baby chafes)

With every study day comes two distinct grinds: the grind itself and the “grind before the grind”, if you will. I just walked through four middle-campus buildings and came up empty-handed in all of them, opening classrooms to friends and foes alike, tearing down every sign posted on doors that read “in use”, and losing hope. The “grind before the grind” was so intense today that when I finally found a spot in building five that no one will ever be able to find, I thought I had won the battle. How naïve. I immediately sat and packed a victory gumper (‘tis the season), but then it hit me: I hadn’t even begun the real grind of the day yet. I realized that I came to this place to start writing a paper, and damn I forgot just how painful that is.

I don’t think I’ve outlined a paper since the days of the five-paragraph essay in middle-school. I usually prefer my own method, which entails sitting in front of my computer the day before the bitch is due, opening up Word, minimizing Word to check any and all social media sites, and waiting for a good topic sentence to come to me. This method makes it take a while to get into the rhythm of a paper. Sometimes the topic is just way over my head, sometimes it’s way too boring, and sometimes the whiteness of Document 3 just gets the best of me for a while. I usually end up changing my first sentence four or five times before I feel somewhat comfortable moving on. If anyone ever asks you for an example of a “grind", tell them that it’s writing the first paragraph of a paper with an obscure topic. If that task were a comedian, it’d be this guy. Twenty minutes later, I'm about seven or eight sentences in. twenty minutes after that, I'm usually done with the paper. Once I conquer the first paragraph or two, I’m usually alright, and I just spell-check my way to victory. And when spell-check fails, that’s a chafe in its lonesome, one for a different post entirely (spell-check: where were you on that one dipshit? (1:30)). It's just the start of the paper that really grinds my gears.

A Bro You Should Know - Edinson Cavani

Guest writer Tuna enlightens us:

If you didn’t watch the World Cup and you don’t at least occasionally play Fifa you might be a little in the dark on this one, but if that's really the case then you’ve probably come to this website by mistake.

Cavani has been tearing up the Italian Serie A for Napoli, racking up a league high 26 goals with levels of both flow and freshness unmatched by a Uruguayan (thanks wiki) since Diego Forlan, also known as Jesús, was in his prime. We all saw Uruguay tear it up in the World Cup. I for one have nothing but respect for Suarez’s
greasy goal-saving hand ball at the last minute against Ghana. And I would have given my left natty for Forlan’s extra time pk to have sunk a foot lower and under the crossbar. The fact that he was 32 and probably and wouldn’t see the pitch for another world cup was a pretty crushing blow. Who knew that just left of the spotlight, El Matador was warming up those steed-like springs the whole time for the 2011 season. He might be the most expensive man in soccer (will someone who knows math figure out how much 86 million pounds is worth in dollars), but possibly the most underrated aspect of his overall game is the fact that he looks pretty damn weird. Note the convincing Imhotep impression he pulls at 0:50. Nothing like belching a few scarabs into the stands during a celly to get the intimidation factor going.

Responsible Sexting

Text messaging has completely revolutionized hooking up. Without texting... I don't even want to think about that so I won't. It's 2011, and solid, well planned, well executed sexting is how you hook up. Plain and simple. Being a shitty, creepy, desperate sexter, on the other hand, is how you wind up pathetic and alone like Singler. In my eyes text game is slowly but surely surpassing in-person game in terms of importance.

Some girls are just shitty texters, while others will respond in under 15 seconds 100 times out of 100. Things get sticky when a girl who's normally on point doesn't respond. Worse, when she negs an aggressive, 2+ am, 'you know exactly what my intentions are' type text that she'd normally respond to. Now shit's awkward. Never send a follow up text. Never. OK? Never. If it's a girl you've hooked up with a couple of times before then there are only so many explanations: She's with another dude, she's tired/doesn't feel like hanging out, she's asleep/blacked out, she lost her phone, or she's just disinterested. None of these scenarios can be helped by you shooting over an anxious "Hello?" or "Ouch". I know it's hard, I know you want to, but be disciplined. Take your cut and see what happens. God forbid you send 2 awkward texts post 2 am and run in to the girl the next day. If that's not a passer-by that you whip out your phone and pretend to be typing for I don't know who is.

Top 500 Feelings - #131 Pointing Out The Same Actor From A Different Movie

Give credit where credit is due. Making a good call in front of the fellas usually merits a nice old healthy smirk. I'm not talking about putting two and two together with an obvious actor (unless you go way back into the vault and point out a throw back flick (i.e. Jonah Hill in Grandma's Boy)). I'm talking about making a call that no one would have thought about by themselves. The one's that make people go, "Oooooooh yeahhhhh. Good call Fratsby!" The ones that stir up an argument and bring in the iPhresh for the tie breaker. An example is connecting Eddie from the Hangover and Avi the Waiter from Old School (I spent an hour trying to find a youtube clip. The best I could do was retype the script)

Avi: "Okay, that's one pecan pie and two coffees. And don't worry, for the Godfather, it's always on the house."

Mitch: "Not here."

Avi: "I know who you are. I am Avi. I am a big supporter of what you guys are doing."

Mitch: "Thank you."

Avi: "You are beautiful. No offense though, he is the king. You are taking coffee and pie with a living legend."

Mitch: "That is very kind but I insist I'll pay."

Avi: "Your money is no good here. I look forward to pledging next semester."

A good snipe is just a good feeling. You look like you're a movie buff and if you're lucky enough maybe someone will disagree and you can throw some bones down for a bet. Some of the best ones are when you call out someone from your childhood who found their way back onto the Hollywood scene.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

S'more Blaise

A few Blaise Sindone songs for your finals grind. Couple of Brenton beats mixed in there. Did I mention this was recorded in a closet? In my house?

Full mixtape here.

Freshman Orientation Roommates

Well as we sit here in the midst of our finals grind, we search for ways to diverge from our studies about mexican immigration, balance sheets, (not so) basic finance formulas, molecular biology (?) and even our courageous efforts to know. Our hatred for Kyle Singler can only distract us so much, but eventually words need to be written down on the computer in front of us. Before you head back to wherever it is you sleaze during these hard times, take a second and just think back to your freshman orientation roommate. It is a bond that can never be broken. It doesn't matter if you hate the kid's guts or you just got a mod with him, you will always remember your freshman orientation roommate. Some people bonded over doggies, others didn't speak more than a handful of words to each other. Some people had their first ever college pillow talk, others got kissless tugs after the toga party. Awkwardness can't even begin to describe the feeling you get when the both of you make eye contact on campus. It's like every member of a group project combined into one person, Manbearchafe. Regardless of which jabroni you were dealt, it was the first person you met at BC. It was a nervous time in all of our lives. No one was sure if they were going to be stuck for three days with a Jaba the Hut or a Justin Timberlake. Your bond with your orientation roomie is similar to the bond with the two kids that sandwiched your picture in your yearbook growing up. Heroes get remembered, but freshman orientation roommates never die.

P.S. I'd say 3% of people become friends with their direct freshman orientation roommate.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Well that's gonna be burned in my mind for a long time.

The (ex) Cleveland Circle Movie Theater

I’m just gonna go off on a tangent here, but if you were looking for something meaningful, you're reading the wrong blog. I’m no Roger Ebert, but damn I love going to the movies. Other than the fact that the theater was the best place for making out in grade-school (where are they now? – Sheila, my first kiss), hitting up a flick in theaters is a quality experience, especially when you bring doggies. I go to movies when I really want to see a specific flick, when I have time, and when it’s convenient. Because I only have two roommates with cars, one of them doesn't let anyone drive it because it is his love, it is his passion (1:30), my movie theater game is subpar at school. The T can be a bit chafey, and sometimes the added time of the commute deters potential companions from going. I simply am not man enough to go to a movie theater alone. It’s possible that one day I will summon the fortitude to be that guy with a trench coat and a baseball cap pulled down over my eyes, sitting—no—lurching in the back corner of the movie theater alone, but, for better or for worse, that day has not yet arrived. So I am left begging for channel 48 to keep throwing out the gems that they have been in recent months. However, every time I walk through our little Times Square (Cleveland Circle), I cringe at the sight of the shut-down theater next to the Applebee’s.

If that theater isn’t going to resume business, why doesn’t BC buy it? Turn that warehouse into an off-campus O’Connell House of some sorts, except with less weird events and more bangers. Somehow alleviate the pain I feel from being deprived the pleasure of seeing movies before they hit DVD's. Sign me up for that shit.