Saturday, April 30, 2011

Baby Chafe - "Let Me Put My Window Up"


It kills me that you need keys in the ignition to put your windows up or down. When somebody parks and you leave your window down, well, you hate to be that guy and everybody else now hates you for being that guy. The driver's thought process with this is pretty funny. Instead of automatically doing it, they pause for a second and do a quick mental breakdown of the pro's and cons: Is there a chance of rain? Are we in a bad neighborhood where my shit might get stolen? Do I have any valuables in the car? If I don't put the keys back in am I gonna have these fears in the back of my head all day?

Window-seat riders, you've got one responsibility. Be aware when you're about to park and don't chafe your driver.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Potter




6 to midnight.

God's Gift


St. John's coach Steve Lavin has to hope his newest recruit is as impressive on the basketball court as his name.

God's Gift Achiuwa -- a 6-foot-9 power forward and first-team juco All-American from Erie (N.Y.) Community College -- is the ninth player to commit to the Red Storm for next season. St. John's has the No. 3-ranked recruiting class, according to ESPN Insider's top 25.

The Nigerian native, whose father is a minister, chose St. John's over Washington and Cincinnati.

Achiuwa averaged 22.3 points, 13.1 rebounds and 2.2 blocks for Erie last season and adds some much-needed size to the wing-heavy recruiting class. He will have two years of eligibility with the Red Storm.

"Gift is a talented frontline player who possesses tremendous size, strength, speed and skill," Lavin said. "He is an ideal fit for our baseline-to-baseline attacking style of play."

God's Gift (20) is the third of six children born to Eunice and Donatus Achiuwa of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. He has one older brother, Promise, and two younger brothers, God's Will and Precious. He also has one older sister, Grace, and one younger sister, Peace.

- espn.com


Well done, Mr. and Mrs. Achiuwa.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Baby Chafe - Sand


Let me preface this post by saying that I enjoy going to the beach as much as the next guy. Tossin’ a few back while overlooking the water is a fantastic time, Top 500 material if you ask me. That being said, it’s a post-facto chafe when the sand leaves the beach with you. Who wants sand all up in their shorts hours after they’ve left the spot? It’s a Goddamn travesty that this shit is so annoying that it almost deters me from going to the beach. You can shower, but that won’t get rid of all the grains. They take over. How does it get in my hair? Being sandy is arduous, and it takes dedication and time to rid yourself of the army of chafe. I can't be comfortable until they're gone, and that just takes such a long time. I absolutely hate waking up the morning after a beach day with sand all over my bed. Leave me the fuck alone sand, I’m sick of your shit.

Happy Thursday!

"I choose Thursday ethics"
"Mr. Gordon, the Thursday ethics environment has fundamentally changed following the recent bar raids and sex scandals. Explain Thursday ethics and how the rules don't apply on this day."
"The uhhh ethics of Thursday can be summarized in um...yeah umm...ethics are...you know the thing about...AHHHHHHH! That question was not fair, that was not in the reading! I demand a new question!"

FROM?!


Been a while since we played. Name that college, answers under each pic.

Nnamdi Asomugha
http://www.gcobb.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/NmandiAsomugha4.jpg
FROM?!

Junior Seau
http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/assets_c/2010/10/junior-seau-getty-thumb-420xauto-17396.jpg
FROM?!

Matt Bonner
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/716/811/99051905_display_image.jpg?1297477968
FROM?!

Deuce McAllister
http://cache.blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/deuce-mcallister.jpg
FROM?!

Jason Richardson
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_42w5-R0zz2g/SafaUt9kh6I/AAAAAAAAFiE/yEesu2zu5Q0/s400/jason+richardson+dunks+on+lamar+odom+2.jpg
FROM?!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's Happening...


I haven't been to the Eagle's Nest in a while, but I might have to frequent the place after this discovery. BC has to make strides like this one if it ever wants to see an alumni donation from me. You know who was behind all this? Anna, that sandwich-making phenom. Thanks, Anna. I love you.

Absurd Commercial


This is the sluttiest thing I've seen on TV since Justin Timberlake showed us all Janet Jackson's udder during the Super Bowl (most rewinded moment in Tivo history, fun fact). This chick defines DTF. After she says, "Don't tell me your a doctor!" he might as well have come back with "Don't tell me you have a vagina!" If there's one thing I've learned from this, it's that sexy ass doctors who bang hot sluts use Certain Dri. And that my friends, is a product worth buying.

Talking On The Phone Next To Your Rents














I think it's pretty safe to say that ignorance is bliss when it comes to parenthood. Our parents know more than we think they know, but they also know less than they think they know (what?). Regardless, at one point or another you are going to get stuck talking on the phone with a buddy right in front of your parents. This could happen in the kitchen while you're meandering around the fridge, or if you're really unlucky, in the close confinements of a car. In this sticky situation, your friend on the other end of the line is letting it all fly while you're adapting your game to be as appropriate as you can. Your friend is obviously not around anyone with authority, talking like it's just a bunch of fellas sitting around on the couch playing 18 holes of Tiger at Augusta, with a few contraptions out in the open. They don't know the circumstance you're in so they ask unfiltered questions expecting R rated responses. Clearly you can't answer everything fully, but hopefully your friend is dishing out partial credit. You try and not make it seem obvious in front of your Mom what it is you guys are talking about and you're usually pretty blunt (Where are they now? - James Blunt) with your answers. Sometimes you'll even say something that is completely off topic just to throw your rents off track. A follow up text message almost always follows the conversation. You explain why you couldn't speak like the fratstar you are and the festivity planning is solved via text.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #35 Getting a Job


I know, I know. A mature Top 500 Feeling. That's right brethren, not all of life's best feelings involve sex or drugs, although landing a job can and often does lead to both of those. Getting word that you've been chosen to work for somebody gives your life a small bit of meaning, whether you're a gardener chopping hedges or CSOM nerd working for a hedge fund (see what I did there?).

The 4 of us at Broston, through nothing short of a miracle, have now all landed jobs - all with pro sports teams (fratty) except the intern, who obviously has landed a job with us (more fratty). Not to brag, but the feeling is pretty unbeatable. Correction: It is beatable by 34 feelings, but nonetheless it's fresh. To those of you still searching, godspeed. To those of you who have been hired, welcome to feeling #35. I'm looking forward to insider trading with many of you for years to come.


It's All About The U




"...on. every. level."

Scalabrine, Brian


Ex-Boston Celtic and current Chicago Bull Brian Scalabrine has never gotten much playing time in the NBA, but damn it he's a fan favorite everywhere he goes. "The Ginga Ninja" has always reminded me of the guy at the gym who takes pick-up games way too seriously. Equipped with headbands, armbands, red hair, and a good sense of humor, Scal's ability to be a sub-par player and still manage to get his name chanted every time he enters a game is unmatched. If I was a bench player for an NBA team, I'd strive to be like Scalabrine. Anyway, with zero registered minutes thus far in the Bulls/Pacers series (he hasn't played since March 15th), Scalabrine has made his mark off the court with his twitter (pretty good twitter game outta Scalamander, even though this is a retweet). The Bulls lead the series 3-1.

Brian Scalabrine
RT: @ "Pacers coach Frank Vogel: "We feel like if we win this game tonight, we'll win the series." - Yeah...so do we

That a boy, Whitemamba (how many nicknames does this guy have?)

Messing Up A Lyric While Singing Along



I honestly don’t think there’s a more awkward moment out there. Sometimes we’re brazen. Sometimes we start singing along with/lip syncing a song that we’re not completely comfortable with. Not “Piano Man” or “Follow Me” or “Tiny Dancer”, songs that you could recite backwards blacked out, but maybe something newer, one you’ve only heard a couple of times. But you’re feeling cocky and vocal and it’s Thursday so you start belting. And then it happens. Fucking up a lyric while singing along feels like a sort of miniature seizure. Your heart immediately sinks and you quickly try and reverse the error by forming a word that resembles baby gibberish to cover your tracks before hopping right back in. Did anyone notice? Did I play it off OK? Can I recover? Should I just take my medicine, shut up and let Drake do his thing? As far as awkward, internal moments go, the song lyric screwup ranks pretty high. Take comfort in this: It happens to the best of us.


Yes!!!!




Phew, was beginning to think it got lost in the mail.

(Sorry intern, we'll take pics for you)

Top 500 Feelings - #438 Having an Empty Airplane Seat Next to You


Despite the claims made in the airline commercials, no plane provides enough legroom for people to sit comfortably (especially when Sergeant Asshole in front of you reclines his seat the full 8 inches (is that any more comfortable?)). With the large list of inevitable chafes encountered on every travel day, the pleasant surprise of having an empty seat next to you for the 3 hour plane ride is simply arousing. It’s not like the usual people who sit next to you are ever people you want nearby. I can’t remember the last time I sat next to a good looking girl on a flight, because I don’t think I ever have. Instead, it seems like I’m always stuck next to Scut Farkus or a guy with a severe throat clearing problem. Walking onto the plane, you never anticipate this extra space. Then, as traffic in the aisle starts to die down, the thought pops into your head and you start waiting for the flight attendant to close the door. It finally comes, and you shoot the guy in the window seat a glance. He reciprocates the look, and the unwritten, unspoken contract is now binding. You have agreed to split custody of the bitch and each take half the legroom. It’s a beautiful thing indeed.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Style Report: ASU's New Uni's


Looks like it isn't only Oregon that Nike is giving facelifts to. ASU unveiled their new football garb this week and........drumroll......it's fresh! Love that they included the Pat Tillman "PT 42" crest on the front. By the way, their first coach was named Frank Kush? You had me at hello.



Blaise - "Knock On Wood" Mixtape


Blaise Sindone is a 21-year-old rapper from Long Beach, NY. He's a Junior at BU (we won't hold that against him), he's our boy, and he's going to blow up. Couldn't be happier that it's all starting here. In my opinion he's right up there with any young, white rapper today. After a listen I think that will be your opinion also.

I couldn't figure out a good way to post the whole mixtape because music blogging isn't in my job description. We'll probably just post a couple a day in no particular order. Every song is good so it doesn't really matter. Here are two to get you started:



Download the full mixtape here.

Friends Signing Your E-Mail Up For Stuff
























Oldest trick in the book. Well, this and selecting all of the periods in your paper and making them size 14 font. Let's just say when I received my first "Cougar Life" e-mail asking me to confirm my status as a "cub", I knew something was afoot. The culprit couldn't have been more obvious, but the pussy fled abroad to Australia before I could make him feel the wrath of my 140 lb frame. But he gets the last laugh, doesn't he? I'm going to keep getting e-mails about being a cub until I go to Cougar Life and remove myself from the e-mail list, which will happen the Thursday after never. Touché La Fleur.

P.S. Who on God's green earth describes themselves as an "Average" Cougar on a social networking website? Like those must be the nastiest 60-year-old creatures alive. Or they're just trying to be honest. Probably both.


Never Say No To The Panda


Don't know how this thing has been traveling the world wide web forever and no one ever decided to show me it. For those of you that haven't seen it, I think you'll be satisfied.

Baby Chafe - When Piss Dribbles Back At Your Feet Mid-Stream


















Kudos to the ladies that read the title of this post past the words "when piss". Regardless, I'd say this is a pretty asexual post. Nothing is better than a nice leak outdoors. Momma Nature offers the biggest toilet seat in the world, and one where you're never confined and missing is impossible. The only trouble that comes into play is when the surface is slanted down back towards your feet. If you have a longer-than-usual piss and you're unable to distance that thing far enough away, there could very well come a moment when you either gotta dangle like Ovechkin (rumor has it he only wears his fake tooth around his parents) or take the hit-by-pitch and get a base on balls. For some reason I feel like this almost always happens in the vicinity of a car.

Chafe - Crossing Traffic
























The life and death situation that comes into play while crossing traffic usually brings your A game in terms of paying attention. One of the first things I remember being taught as a kid was look to left and look right before crossing the street. I bet that was actually the only thing we needed to learn to pass the 1st grade (I wish I could have had fresh graduation parties like Billy Madison). I've had many years of experience under my belt (how many belts on average do you think a person has?) when it comes to crossing traffic, but recently the traffic has been getting harder to cross. Maybe we've unlocked the next level or something, but I feel like I've heard of many more accidents than ever before. I know two kids that have gotten hit by cars this year alone. Before that I don't think I knew two kids in my life who had gotten hit. I see a lot of kids with their headphones in listening to ch-unes, and I see a lot of people who are twalking (tweeting & walking). The fact of the matter is, danger is all around us. So take caution, and especially in Cleveland Circle area a.k.a. our own little Times Square. That place houses what has to be one of the top five worst intersections in the country.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Is That Who I Think It Is?


So I'm watching the playoffs on TNT and keep seeing these commercials for this show "Franklin and Bash". It looks pretty awful. Anyway, recognize that lead actor? That's right - Peter Bash is played by Mark-Paul Gosselaar a.k.a. the Zack Morris. I might tune in to one episode just for like five minutes to see how Zack's changed (fingers crossed he still uses the same phone). Fingers also crossed for a Kelly Kapowski cameo.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #389 New Edition in a Series of Commercials


Well that was by far the hardest title to a post I've ever had to come up with. The series of commercials I'm talking about are ones such as "This is SportsCenter", "The Most Interesting Man in the World" or the increasingly less funny E-Trade baby ones. The Dos Equis ones are still funny but have lost a little bit of flair (pretty sure I could write those things(just use the opposite of everything we say about Kyle Singler)). The SportsCenter ones are still fresh and there's no reason they ever won't be. If I was a pro athlete I'd be begging to get on one of these.






Top 500 Feelings - #405 A Good Wave


Chill shredders, don't wanna harsh your mellow but I'm not talking barrels here. I'm preaching of course on the glory of a wave that passes throughout a stadium when fans are too bored or drunk to be concerned about the game. First off kudos to whoever invented the wave. I was gonna leave it at that but my ADD got the best of me and I just had to look up where it came from. Turns out some Mexicans at a soccer game in the 1960's invented it. Of course they did. I'd give my left nut to get shithoused and go to a Mexican soccer game in the 60's, especially one where the fucking wave was invented.

Anyway, you've gotta love when a wave gets a few laps around a stadium. It's one of the rare things that even fans of the visiting team can get involved in. Do players get fired up when they see the wave or do they just think "ah fuck we've lost their attention again"? Can't wait to experience my next wave.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Coaster of the Week - Towel Hook

Reader E-mail:

7 am marathon monday. Balance is key.

Yes it is.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Philosophy Class Canceled
























And I don't think she means Easter.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Reds Pitcher Arrested for Shoplifting


Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Mike Leake was arrested and charged with misdemeanor shoplifting on Monday, after stealing six shirts from a Cincinnati area Macy's.

-bleacherreport.com

Isn't the league minimum $500,000? How are you gonna get caught shoplifting? Why are you shoplifting t-shirts? The amount of the six shirts was under 60 dollars combined. Where's your steeze man? Meanwhile,
Aroldis is out there throwing absolute piss (weird video, sorry).

Federal Crackdown On Online Poker



The Tuesday after Marathon Monday...she's a sad one. Lots of fatigue, class (I make joke), and then there's this: supposedly there's a huge crackdown on the three main online poker sites. I'm not a huge online poker guy myself, but most certainly am not opposed to it. However, there is a silver lining to the elimination of online gambling: ESPN is going to stop showing poker tournaments as a result of this. I never liked when they showed Texas Hold 'em and Phil Hellmuth rubs me the wrong way. I wonder how ESPN is going to fill the time-slots in the wee-hours of the morning. I'd suggest that they just air Mayne Events to fill the slots. What a guy. What a channel. I digress.

Beans, Creams, And Dreams...In Action


A rare shot of the coffee spot outside of lower while it's open. I've never understood the purpose of a shop that's open one day a year, but what a day it was.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Chafe - Being Emmanuel Eboue


Don't think you can really fuck your team over much worse than what Eboue pulls here.

Internship: Found















Hold the phone! What am I doing wasting my time on all these cover letters and resumés when Tedeschi's has an open position during the graveyard shift?! For the love of God, how was this not on the Career Center's website? I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my two years of working a summer camp will make it seem like I have enough experience for them. I can't wait to sell scratchers to drunk bums at 4 in the morning! I'm assuming this is unpaid but don't wanna speak too soon.

Peep My Sleep Cycle

Reader E-Mail:

This was my sleep cycle from Friday night when i passed out.


Admirable. First off, great e-mail. Quick and to the point, no dancing around it, just, "Yo i passed out hard, check it." Homeslice straight embarrasses the "Deep Asleep" mark. He should get his own level, maybe just "Carcass". Our reader hit the hay at 1:27 and enjoyed himself a nice little coma until 9:00 (also admirable wake-up time). Love how there's no transition from near-death sleep to the wake up. That line is straight vertical. This kid didn't bother messing around with tossing and turning in the morning, just hopped right out of bed the second he woke up. For the record, Broston does not endorse comas. We are anti-coma.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

BC Hockey Making Moves In The League


Shout out to Ben Smith '10 netting his first playoff goal for the Blackhawks.

The New Beastie Boys Album Is Gonna Be Fairly Legit


Unreal cameos in this promo for the new album. About time they came out with some tracks that sound like their old stuff. How fun would filming this have been?



"I think we're all on the same team here, and that's the no pie, no sledgehammer team."

Upton, We Gettt Ittt


























Annnddd we love it.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Co-Flow Crisp


Damn he wears it well.

Top 500 Feelings - #90 Two Drinks Coming Out Of A Vending Machine



















Moments like this are what drive us to come up with a list of the 500 Top Feelings. Such a simple pleasure and yet one that provides such happiness. You didn't need two drinks but now you've got two. You can keep it and get yourself extra-hydrated or give it to a friend and act like you're always that much of a Good Samaritan. Every single time I punch an order into a vendy I always pick my drink of choice and then let loose a rapid-fire on all the other buttons to see if any are feeling a little loose for me. Works about 0.3% of the time but I live for that fraction.

And Kenyon Martin Was Fined...


Zero dollars.


'Twas The Night Before Monday


I'm reposting this now because no one will be on their computers this weekend. And because it deserves to be seen. Notorious, we love you, wherever you are. Without further ado:


'Twas the night before Monday, when all throughout Walsh, the sluts and the bros all prepared for the raunch. The 30’s were lined in the fridgeys with care, in hopes that Crunkushevene soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of beer dragons danced in their heads. And Jenkems in his croakies, and I in my flatty, had just cracked ourselves our first scrumptious Natty.

When out in the Mods there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the window to see what was the fratter. Away to the Mods we flew with a flash, threw on some fresh pinnies to prepare for the bash.

Jenkems screamed out: “What’s that, is it chay?” I looked to the sky, dropped my jaw and said “Nay!” When, what to my blood shot eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh spewing out beer.

With a legend old driver, a drinking machine, I knew in a moment it must be Crunkushevene. Quicker than gravity he chugged like a boss, he howled and he shouted “FUCK YOU
MIKE ROSS!

He descended from the heavens, and called us by name. Then he echoed out amongst us and explained why he came. “I’ve come for the crunk,” he said with a grin. “I know of tomorrow, now, who brought the tin?”

Lucky for us, I was strapped with a tinny, and I pulled out the Skoal tucked under my pinny. “I’ve seen you before,” Jenkems said with a pause. “Me too” I agreed… "Aren’t you…
Wade Boggs?”

My question amused him, he laughed and he said : "'Tis but a farce my good bros, you’ve all been misled. I am more than this beard and this Rays jersey of green. I am the Keeper of the Crunk, some call me Crunkushevene.”

“Now bros, I need pussy! Go find me a vixen. I’ve flown miles to be here, now I need me a fixin'. From the skanks of Co Ro, to the sluts of Walsh Hall, dash away, dash away, dash away all!”

The task at hand was not tough at all, just dropped the name Boggs and the sluts they did fall. After slaying 47 girls in 30 minutes or so, Boggs was done, and he was ready to go.

He climbed back on board his magnificent jet, and quickly inhaled 13 Miller Lites like a legendary vet. Climbing high into the heavens his plane it did soar, ascending to the ranks of Monday folklore.

There we stood, minds in a daze, still bedazzled by the great Boggs’ ways. From the stirrups to the biceps to the impeccable stache, his aura was majestic, his style unmatched.

Now it was bound to be a Monday unlike any other. Boggs came to Walsh as a god, but left as our brother.

He DUI’d his sleigh back to who-knows-where, beer dripping down his chin and Skoal ingrained in his facial hair. Off to a land where women were objects and “No means Yes”, how many he assaulted he’ll never confess.

Knowing not of personality nor brains, Boggs focused on breasts. The children lay warm anticipating a Monday of buddy sips and arrests.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Baby Chafe - Worms















Can you think of a more useless animal? Okay, cool, you guys can crawl forwards and backwards. Why though? So you can go play in some new dirt you saw behind you? Why God/Zuckerberg assigned this ability only to worms is beyond me.

Classmate Roster


Well boys (and girls, but I don’t think this applies), it’s that time again. Fresh out of class registration and far away from the grind of Fall 2011, all you can really do is scope out the cast. Kiper and McChay have their draft coming up in two weeks, but we have our very own right now. Classmate rosters are available today, so it’s officially time to get your hopes up, to make resolutions to sit next to that girl (sweatpants girl, I’ll save you a seat), and to dream the dream. Some consider this Christmas, I prefer to think about it as homework. The first day of class is going to be blurry enough, so you’re going to want to know if that guy you were cool with freshman year but lost touch with sophomore year as a result of the Co-Ro chafe and then he went abroad junior year so you haven’t talked to him in a while but he’s still cool is in your class. You’re going to want to tag-team that class, and coordinate it before-hand. In some classes the roster will seem thin. You’re going to have to deal. In others, you’ll strike gold, and find jackpots other people never knew existed. When looking at all lists, remember a few rules: 1. These are pictures, don’t get fooled. Take away all illusions. The last thing we want to do is get fooled. 2. If you feel like you’re coming up empty, remember that classroom hot is a lot different than regular hot. Think outside the box here. 3. Remember that these rosters are subject to change. Keep your hopes up, and good luck with your hauls.

Top 500 Feelings - #468 Pitcher Hitting A Home Run



Every time a pitcher comes to a bat it's a joke. An automatic strikeout. Every once in a while one will bunt and get on via an error, or even more rarely, one might dribble a grounder through a gap. The home run is totally out of the question. Carlos Zambrano has proven he's probably the best power-hitting pitcher of all time. Dude kissed another one goodbye last night (428 feet, not too shabby). Here's to the pitchers that give us a reason to watch when they step to the plate.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Happy Thursday!


Starts at 5:13

Lt. Jenkems walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the CRAP out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million Thursdays even for 20 dollars have the guts to put the moves on the bartender. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from Copperfield's forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the bartender looked down from her tower, right over at Jenkems, and smiled.

Top 5: Conversations to Be A Fly On The Wall For

According to The Great Fratsby:

5. Boise State's 2007 Offensive Coordinator/Head Coach Meeting
Those pasty bastards from Idaho. They knew they more or less had no right to even play Oklahoma so they decided to have a little fun. Not only did they pull off the classic hook and ladder, but they followed it up with a sexy little maneuver on the 2 pt conversion to win the thing. Then there was that sleazy marriage proposal after the game by one of the players to a cheerleader. No way those two were dating for more than 3 weeks. No woman is saying no to mystery like that. Arguably the best trick play in football history and there's no way their program would be where it is now without this playcall.



4.
Reggie Bush's Talks With USC:
I was thinking about listening in on Cam Newton but when it came down to it, Bush got way more free goodies and I just like him a lot more. I'd kill to hear Pete Carroll and Co. t
ell Reginald everything that they could provide him with. I'd love to know if they phrased it in code i.e. "If you come we'll certainly take care of you" or did they lay out it all out there i.e. "If you come we'll give you 300,000 dead presidents, a Range Rover, and whatever else your little heart desires."

http://www.huliq.com/files/imagecache/article_main/ex%20kim%20kardashian%20reggie%20bush%20push%20up.jpg

3. The Trojan Horse Idea
How sick would it be to listen to these Greeks sound totally stumped as to how they were gonna defeat the Trojans, when all of a sudden some space cadet chimes in with a "Wait a minute guys, I think I may have something. Let's build a big fake horse and get inside it and pop out of its ass when they least expect it." Legendary maneuver.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_sHwJT2LC9Ds/SUrVz5mMhBI/AAAAAAAAA5U/FB4r6ifwJBg/s400/Trojan_horse.jpg

2. In The Car With Tupac Before He Was Shot
I mean I just wanna know if he's dead or not. Also if I was literally a fly I would buzz around Pac's ear right before he was about to get shot so he'd swat me away and hopefully duck to avoid me/the bullets.



1. O.J. Simpson's Murder and Police Chase
Oh man. I'd argue that no human has ever felt as raw of an emotion as O.J. did that day. What was going through his head? "Oh fuck, I'm one of the most popular people in America, I just ended my wife, and the whole world knows it. What should I do now? Let's hop in the Bronco and play it by ear. Aw shit, there's some feds behind me. Aw shit, there's multiple choppers above me with cameras. All right, let's throw out a suicide threat and see what happens. Am I being serious with this threat? I don't even know. What if I can make it to court? Nah, there's no way I'm getting away with this shit. How much gas do I have left? Are they gonna take my Heisman from me?" I wish I was old enough to remember the day this happened. O.J. single-handedly gave Ford Broncos the reputation that Ford Broncos have and without a doubt had
the craziest day anybody can possibly have. That's a man I want to associate myself with.