Window-seat riders, you've got one responsibility. Be aware when you're about to park and don't chafe your driver.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Window-seat riders, you've got one responsibility. Be aware when you're about to park and don't chafe your driver.
Friday, April 29, 2011
St. John's coach Steve Lavin has to hope his newest recruit is as impressive on the basketball court as his name.
God's Gift Achiuwa -- a 6-foot-9 power forward and first-team juco All-American from Erie (N.Y.) Community College -- is the ninth player to commit to the Red Storm for next season. St. John's has the No. 3-ranked recruiting class, according to ESPN Insider's top 25.
The Nigerian native, whose father is a minister, chose St. John's over Washington and Cincinnati.
Achiuwa averaged 22.3 points, 13.1 rebounds and 2.2 blocks for Erie last season and adds some much-needed size to the wing-heavy recruiting class. He will have two years of eligibility with the Red Storm.
"Gift is a talented frontline player who possesses tremendous size, strength, speed and skill," Lavin said. "He is an ideal fit for our baseline-to-baseline attacking style of play."
God's Gift (20) is the third of six children born to Eunice and Donatus Achiuwa of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. He has one older brother, Promise, and two younger brothers, God's Will and Precious. He also has one older sister, Grace, and one younger sister, Peace.
Well done, Mr. and Mrs. Achiuwa.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Let me preface this post by saying that I enjoy going to the beach as much as the next guy. Tossin’ a few back while overlooking the water is a fantastic time, Top 500 material if you ask me. That being said, it’s a post-facto chafe when the sand leaves the beach with you. Who wants sand all up in their shorts hours after they’ve left the spot? It’s a Goddamn travesty that this shit is so annoying that it almost deters me from going to the beach. You can shower, but that won’t get rid of all the grains. They take over. How does it get in my hair? Being sandy is arduous, and it takes dedication and time to rid yourself of the army of chafe. I can't be comfortable until they're gone, and that just takes such a long time. I absolutely hate waking up the morning after a beach day with sand all over my bed. Leave me the fuck alone sand, I’m sick of your shit.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I haven't been to the Eagle's Nest in a while, but I might have to frequent the place after this discovery. BC has to make strides like this one if it ever wants to see an alumni donation from me. You know who was behind all this? Anna, that sandwich-making phenom. Thanks, Anna. I love you.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I know, I know. A mature Top 500 Feeling. That's right brethren, not all of life's best feelings involve sex or drugs, although landing a job can and often does lead to both of those. Getting word that you've been chosen to work for somebody gives your life a small bit of meaning, whether you're a gardener chopping hedges or CSOM nerd working for a hedge fund (see what I did there?).
The 4 of us at Broston, through nothing short of a miracle, have now all landed jobs - all with pro sports teams (fratty) except the intern, who obviously has landed a job with us (more fratty). Not to brag, but the feeling is pretty unbeatable. Correction: It is beatable by 34 feelings, but nonetheless it's fresh. To those of you still searching, godspeed. To those of you who have been hired, welcome to feeling #35. I'm looking forward to insider trading with many of you for years to come.
Ex-Boston Celtic and current Chicago Bull Brian Scalabrine has never gotten much playing time in the NBA, but damn it he's a fan favorite everywhere he goes. "The Ginga Ninja" has always reminded me of the guy at the gym who takes pick-up games way too seriously. Equipped with headbands, armbands, red hair, and a good sense of humor, Scal's ability to be a sub-par player and still manage to get his name chanted every time he enters a game is unmatched. If I was a bench player for an NBA team, I'd strive to be like Scalabrine. Anyway, with zero registered minutes thus far in the Bulls/Pacers series (he hasn't played since March 15th), Scalabrine has made his mark off the court with his twitter (pretty good twitter game outta Scalamander, even though this is a retweet). The Bulls lead the series 3-1.
I honestly don’t think there’s a more awkward moment out there. Sometimes we’re brazen. Sometimes we start singing along with/lip syncing a song that we’re not completely comfortable with. Not “Piano Man” or “Follow Me” or “Tiny Dancer”, songs that you could recite backwards blacked out, but maybe something newer, one you’ve only heard a couple of times. But you’re feeling cocky and vocal and it’s Thursday so you start belting. And then it happens. Fucking up a lyric while singing along feels like a sort of miniature seizure. Your heart immediately sinks and you quickly try and reverse the error by forming a word that resembles baby gibberish to cover your tracks before hopping right back in. Did anyone notice? Did I play it off OK? Can I recover? Should I just take my medicine, shut up and let Drake do his thing? As far as awkward, internal moments go, the song lyric screwup ranks pretty high. Take comfort in this: It happens to the best of us.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
So I'm watching the playoffs on TNT and keep seeing these commercials for this show "Franklin and Bash". It looks pretty awful. Anyway, recognize that lead actor? That's right - Peter Bash is played by Mark-Paul Gosselaar a.k.a. the Zack Morris. I might tune in to one episode just for like five minutes to see how Zack's changed (fingers crossed he still uses the same phone). Fingers also crossed for a Kelly Kapowski cameo.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Well that was by far the hardest title to a post I've ever had to come up with. The series of commercials I'm talking about are ones such as "This is SportsCenter", "The Most Interesting Man in the World" or the increasingly less funny E-Trade baby ones. The Dos Equis ones are still funny but have lost a little bit of flair (pretty sure I could write those things(just use the opposite of everything we say about Kyle Singler)). The SportsCenter ones are still fresh and there's no reason they ever won't be. If I was a pro athlete I'd be begging to get on one of these.
Anyway, you've gotta love when a wave gets a few laps around a stadium. It's one of the rare things that even fans of the visiting team can get involved in. Do players get fired up when they see the wave or do they just think "ah fuck we've lost their attention again"? Can't wait to experience my next wave.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Mike Leake was arrested and charged with misdemeanor shoplifting on Monday, after stealing six shirts from a Cincinnati area Macy's.
Isn't the league minimum $500,000? How are you gonna get caught shoplifting? Why are you shoplifting t-shirts? The amount of the six shirts was under 60 dollars combined. Where's your steeze man? Meanwhile, Aroldis is out there throwing absolute piss (weird video, sorry).
The Tuesday after Marathon Monday...she's a sad one. Lots of fatigue, class (I make joke), and then there's this: supposedly there's a huge crackdown on the three main online poker sites. I'm not a huge online poker guy myself, but most certainly am not opposed to it. However, there is a silver lining to the elimination of online gambling: ESPN is going to stop showing poker tournaments as a result of this. I never liked when they showed Texas Hold 'em and Phil Hellmuth rubs me the wrong way. I wonder how ESPN is going to fill the time-slots in the wee-hours of the morning. I'd suggest that they just air Mayne Events to fill the slots. What a guy. What a channel. I digress.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
This was my sleep cycle from Friday night when i passed out.
Admirable. First off, great e-mail. Quick and to the point, no dancing around it, just, "Yo i passed out hard, check it." Homeslice straight embarrasses the "Deep Asleep" mark. He should get his own level, maybe just "Carcass". Our reader hit the hay at 1:27 and enjoyed himself a nice little coma until 9:00 (also admirable wake-up time). Love how there's no transition from near-death sleep to the wake up. That line is straight vertical. This kid didn't bother messing around with tossing and turning in the morning, just hopped right out of bed the second he woke up. For the record, Broston does not endorse comas. We are anti-coma.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
"I think we're all on the same team here, and that's the no pie, no sledgehammer team."
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm reposting this now because no one will be on their computers this weekend. And because it deserves to be seen. Notorious, we love you, wherever you are. Without further ado:
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of beer dragons danced in their heads. And Jenkems in his croakies, and I in my flatty, had just cracked ourselves our first scrumptious Natty.
When out in the Mods there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the window to see what was the fratter. Away to the Mods we flew with a flash, threw on some fresh pinnies to prepare for the bash.
Jenkems screamed out: “What’s that, is it chay?” I looked to the sky, dropped my jaw and said “Nay!” When, what to my blood shot eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh spewing out beer.
With a legend old driver, a drinking machine, I knew in a moment it must be Crunkushevene. Quicker than gravity he chugged like a boss, he howled and he shouted “FUCK YOU MIKE ROSS!”
He descended from the heavens, and called us by name. Then he echoed out amongst us and explained why he came. “I’ve come for the crunk,” he said with a grin. “I know of tomorrow, now, who brought the tin?”
Lucky for us, I was strapped with a tinny, and I pulled out the Skoal tucked under my pinny. “I’ve seen you before,” Jenkems said with a pause. “Me too” I agreed… "Aren’t you…Wade Boggs?”
My question amused him, he laughed and he said : "'Tis but a farce my good bros, you’ve all been misled. I am more than this beard and this Rays jersey of green. I am the Keeper of the Crunk, some call me Crunkushevene.”
“Now bros, I need pussy! Go find me a vixen. I’ve flown miles to be here, now I need me a fixin'. From the skanks of Co Ro, to the sluts of Walsh Hall, dash away, dash away, dash away all!”
The task at hand was not tough at all, just dropped the name Boggs and the sluts they did fall. After slaying 47 girls in 30 minutes or so, Boggs was done, and he was ready to go.
He climbed back on board his magnificent jet, and quickly inhaled 13 Miller Lites like a legendary vet. Climbing high into the heavens his plane it did soar, ascending to the ranks of Monday folklore.
There we stood, minds in a daze, still bedazzled by the great Boggs’ ways. From the stirrups to the biceps to the impeccable stache, his aura was majestic, his style unmatched.
Now it was bound to be a Monday unlike any other. Boggs came to Walsh as a god, but left as our brother.
He DUI’d his sleigh back to who-knows-where, beer dripping down his chin and Skoal ingrained in his facial hair. Off to a land where women were objects and “No means Yes”, how many he assaulted he’ll never confess.
Knowing not of personality nor brains, Boggs focused on breasts. The children lay warm anticipating a Monday of buddy sips and arrests.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Well boys (and girls, but I don’t think this applies), it’s that time again. Fresh out of class registration and far away from the grind of Fall 2011, all you can really do is scope out the cast. Kiper and McChay have their draft coming up in two weeks, but we have our very own right now. Classmate rosters are available today, so it’s officially time to get your hopes up, to make resolutions to sit next to that girl (sweatpants girl, I’ll save you a seat), and to dream the dream. Some consider this Christmas, I prefer to think about it as homework. The first day of class is going to be blurry enough, so you’re going to want to know if that guy you were cool with freshman year but lost touch with sophomore year as a result of the Co-Ro chafe and then he went abroad junior year so you haven’t talked to him in a while but he’s still cool is in your class. You’re going to want to tag-team that class, and coordinate it before-hand. In some classes the roster will seem thin. You’re going to have to deal. In others, you’ll strike gold, and find jackpots other people never knew existed. When looking at all lists, remember a few rules: 1. These are pictures, don’t get fooled. Take away all illusions. The last thing we want to do is get fooled. 2. If you feel like you’re coming up empty, remember that classroom hot is a lot different than regular hot. Think outside the box here. 3. Remember that these rosters are subject to change. Keep your hopes up, and good luck with your hauls.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
5. Boise State's 2007 Offensive Coordinator/Head Coach Meeting
Those pasty bastards from Idaho. They knew they more or less had no right to even play Oklahoma so they decided to have a little fun. Not only did they pull off the classic hook and ladder, but they followed it up with a sexy little maneuver on the 2 pt conversion to win the thing. Then there was that sleazy marriage proposal after the game by one of the players to a cheerleader. No way those two were dating for more than 3 weeks. No woman is saying no to mystery like that. Arguably the best trick play in football history and there's no way their program would be where it is now without this playcall.
4. Reggie Bush's Talks With USC:
I was thinking about listening in on Cam Newton but when it came down to it, Bush got way more free goodies and I just like him a lot more. I'd kill to hear Pete Carroll and Co. tell Reginald everything that they could provide him with. I'd love to know if they phrased it in code i.e. "If you come we'll certainly take care of you" or did they lay out it all out there i.e. "If you come we'll give you 300,000 dead presidents, a Range Rover, and whatever else your little heart desires."
3. The Trojan Horse Idea
How sick would it be to listen to these Greeks sound totally stumped as to how they were gonna defeat the Trojans, when all of a sudden some space cadet chimes in with a "Wait a minute guys, I think I may have something. Let's build a big fake horse and get inside it and pop out of its ass when they least expect it." Legendary maneuver.
2. In The Car With Tupac Before He Was Shot
I mean I just wanna know if he's dead or not. Also if I was literally a fly I would buzz around Pac's ear right before he was about to get shot so he'd swat me away and hopefully duck to avoid me/the bullets.
1. O.J. Simpson's Murder and Police Chase
Oh man. I'd argue that no human has ever felt as raw of an emotion as O.J. did that day. What was going through his head? "Oh fuck, I'm one of the most popular people in America, I just ended my wife, and the whole world knows it. What should I do now? Let's hop in the Bronco and play it by ear. Aw shit, there's some feds behind me. Aw shit, there's multiple choppers above me with cameras. All right, let's throw out a suicide threat and see what happens. Am I being serious with this threat? I don't even know. What if I can make it to court? Nah, there's no way I'm getting away with this shit. How much gas do I have left? Are they gonna take my Heisman from me?" I wish I was old enough to remember the day this happened. O.J. single-handedly gave Ford Broncos the reputation that Ford Broncos have and without a doubt had the craziest day anybody can possibly have. That's a man I want to associate myself with.