Back in the day (I’m talking elementary school), it didn’t take much for a girl to grab my attention. If she wasn’t huge, she was an automatic 6. If she had long hair, that brought her up to a 7 at least. From there, it was all about popularity. What made a girl popular other than looks? Style and attitude. Even if a girl was skinny with long hair, I wasn’t chasing her if she didn’t have a choker necklace. If she rocked the choker necklace, I dreamed about unfreezing her in a fresh game of freeze tag during morning recess. I wanted to walk her home from school if and only if her neck was covered by that twisting piece of plastic. It's hard to believe that a single accessory was such a deal-breaker, but it was. Life was simple back then: wake up, race to school, some simple multiplication, play running bases or pick-up football, eat, scope out the choker necklaces, try to impress the girls with said necklaces, spread rumors about who liked who, cry after losing in gym class, color inside the lines, then go home and get a neighborhood game of cops and robbers or manhunt going.
Life was also socially simple. A girl was either skinny or fat: there was no other distinguishing feature about her body. Because of that, guys had no choice but to scope out the neck. And I’d be damned if a rumor spread about me liking a girl who didn’t sport one of those bad boys. I don’t think that I’ve ever encountered an Aphrodisiac as strong as a choker necklace. Back in the day when I’d think about my perfect wife, she definitely would have been rocking a choker at the altar. Now they sit in the shadow of society. Someone out there, please bring these back. I miss them.