Just imagine for a second receiving this e-mail. You see that you've got an e-mail from ResLife or University Housing or whatever it may be and you're thinking of the million reasons as to why you might be fucked. The booze they found, the drugs they confiscated, the dead hooker under your bed. Semen pipe cloggage isn't exactly the first thing that pops in your head, is it?
"We have encountered such clogs before, but never in this quantity." Two parts to that sentence. First, they're making it sound as though students are clogging the shit out of pipes with semen every weekend, and second, that these guys are producing Tiger Woods style volumes of it. Like I'm imagining maintenance guys in hazmat suits or something. "As you are probably aware, semen is not water-soluble." As you apparently aren't aware, nobody is aware of that. That's why students at your school are racking up $700 jizz bills.
But you have to love the last bit too. Basically as if to say, "Guys, we're fine with you jerking off like wild hyenas, just please do it at your desk and not in the shower."
P.S. Is this real? I want comment chatter.