I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce myself and rub in the fact that I got this internship and a bunch of you stains didn’t. The alias is Stoop Kid, the year is sophomore, and the current residence is Vanderslice (9 man swag). I’d like to thank the boys for giving me this opportunity, and the other intern applicants for making me feel accomplished. To piss off those who unsuccessfully applied, you’ll be very displeased to see that I am going to contribute nothing but mediocre, half-witted posts to this blog. Yes, I am an asshole. Yes, I do talk a big game. Yes, I do cower away from physical confrontations. I’m nothing special, just an average Joe with the uncanny ability to blend in. I’m no hero. I’ve probably stood with you in line at lower, shared an elevator ride with you all in Hillside (good looks on 350 feet per minute, none of that 150 fpm bullshit), and made a complete fool of myself at a party you were at. By now you readers are probably asking yourself, “Why the fuck did this kid get picked?” To that I can say nothing funny or meaningful. All I can say is “I don’t fucking know.” I look forward to this partnership, even if I am the lowest of the low on the Broston totem pole. I look forward to using this internship as a pick-up line...and failing. Last but not least, I look forward to silencing the critics. Let's hear it haters.
Editor's Note: First, Stoop Kid is funnier than you. Second, he absolutely dominated a Broston house party interview on Saturday and was flirting (successfully) with the hottest girl there every time I looked over. Just thought you should know.