Monday, February 28, 2011

Trojan Dildo Commercial

I mean let's call a spade a spade. That thing is a dildo. This is a dildo commercial. Saw this shit at like 9 p.m. on a Monday night. Trojan really not being shy. Just dominating the condom business so hard they think they can run prime time ads for masturbation tools.

P.S. Am I supposed to believe that 8 women attended this bridal shower and 3 got the bride a dildo?

P.P.S. The 51 second mark is special.

A Word Of Advice...

Watch Inside Job. It just won the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature and exposes the people (coke-snorting, hooker-banging multi-millionaires) responsible for the financial crisis. Trust us, we're far from intellectuals and still got a kick out of it. It's hilarious watching some of the Wall Street cronies blatantly dance around questions and ask for the camera to be turned off. I've seen it twice and would still be down for round 3.

P.S. Toy Story 3 got seriously jobbed by The King's Speech for Best Picture.

Vote Minahan For 2012 Senate

Let me begin by saying that I've already voted and it was the very worst 3 minutes of my month. Lord knows why they made something that no one wants to do in the first place even harder, but I guess that's Boston College politics for you? Just dumb? I refuse to vote for president, and I pray that once today is over, you squares will take your orange shirts off, take showers, and put on some clean clothes.

Please just put yourselves through the chafe and vote for Al Minahan for 2012 Senate. A man's man. An American's American. A salt of the earth New England native who can can block, tackle, score the touch down, snap the ball, and kick the extra point. Hell, the boy will fill up the Gatorade cooler, walk the dog, and paint your back porch. I'm not aware of any campaign promises or platforms whatsoever from the Minahan camp, other than getting us cold Smart Water in the dining halls. Because that singular act would be the most effective piece of UGBC legislation in history, you should probably just go to and vote. I promise it'll only hurt for a second.

P.S. If you read our site you probably have never met/heard of any of the other candidates, so how about you just take our word for it and vote for big Al?

Chafe - Not Knowing Why Players Got Suspended

We see it all the time in college athletics: the stud of the squad has to ride the pine for a few games. The suspension is understandable: obviously the kid did something wrong, possibly very wrong. In this case, ignorance is chafe. Why did Andre Smith miss the Sugar Bowl in ’08? What about Tyshawn Taylor at KU right now? The university will usually release a vague statement saying that the player “is suspended indefinitely for a violation of team rules.” It’s annoying that they don’t get specific with the reasons because when the stories are leaked, they’re more entertaining than the top episodes of True Life. The Ohio State story this year was hilarious, and only got funnier as it developed (i.e. Terrelle Pryor’s tweets). The story about those football players that got dismissed from the Tennessee squad for attempting a robbery in their Volunteer Football gear was a great read, almost as good as the naked football player story. Seriously, all of these are awesome. I don’t like being left out in the dark, especially when it comes to great stories like these. Usually I just wait until a Deadspin tipster pulls through, but that could take months, long after I stop caring.

Louisville Cheerleader Almost Costs His Squad The Game

At the end of the video, you can see the Louisville cheerleader lose his composure and throw the ball up in the air. Whoops. Louisville got a technical, Pitt sank both free throws and got the ball out-of-bounds. Thankfully for the cheerleader, Pitt's final shot sailed wide, but it's still amazing that a cheerleader almost single-handedly lost a game for his squad. Will this dude get kicked off the squad for this?

P.S. Pitino's killin' it in white.

Spitter Of The Week: Papaya Enzyme Bottle

What else?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Erin Andrews Just Tweeted This

...So I figured I should share it with you guys. Killin' it before the Oscars. If I ever met her I wouldn't mind if she just made this face for 15 minutes straight. Wouldn't be weird at all to me.

A Bro You Should Know - Al Iafrate

Iafrate’s playing days may have been a little before our time, but his stories never get old. I can only speculate how many lips he used to pack in his heyday, all I know is the man liked his tobacco. When new technology brought improved sticks to the NHL, the hard-nosed Iafrate declined to use them and stuck with the wooden twig. It served him well, and the fact that he held the hardest shot record with the old fashioned wood piece is a testament to how strong he was. Iafrate never let his oversized bald-spot stop him from growing an unreal mullet, and he rocked that look for quite some time. “The Planet” knew how to celebrate his goals with style. Sword fighting and glass-jumping were two of his finer works. He can be best summed up with this little story: in a post-game interview after a close victory, a reporter asked Iafrate why he purposely shot wide of an empty net in the last minute of a game. The legend quickly responded: “Empty net goals are for faggots.” We salute you, Al.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Chafe - The "Fuck I Should Have Worn A Bigger Jacket" Feeling

Why do we do this to ourselves? It's been more or less the exact same temperature for 2-3 months, and yet every now and then we go out in just a light Fratagonia or a simple Nike hoody. Is it from all those hours of posting up on the couch playing COD? Do we just forget what the outside feels like? Is it because we didn't do our laundry (who actually washes snowjackets)? Is it the adderall pumping through our recently-fully-pubescent bodies? Who knows.

Two chafes to this issue: One (1): Not wearing the proper amount of layers. But Two (2) and more importantly: being the first guy to admit you were wrong. Look, you may have shit the bed and not worn that jacket your mom bought you last Christmas, but if another guy in your walking party admits he's cold before you do, you've got a glimmer of hope. While you're somewhere in the baby-chafed to mediocrely-chafed region, this guy's chafe meter has reached Defcon-1. Chafe-ageddon. Threat Level Midnight. Bask in that 1% warmness you have in knowing you're not him (he's probably named Noah or Micah). And if you're him, my thoughts go out to you. A word of advice: start jogging.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Bite Your Tongue, Don Imus

TAMPA — Senior forward Porche Grant, USF's leading rebounder in her past three seasons, was suspended for two games by women's basketball coach Jose Fernandez after making an obscene gesture to opposing fans in the final minute of Wednesday's loss at Rutgers.

The 6-foot-2 Grant had to be separated from Rutgers players after she committed a foul with 38 seconds remaining, and she was ejected after being assessed a flagrant technical foul as a result of the altercation. As Grant was escorted off by a Bulls assistant coach, she raised both middle fingers to Rutgers fans.

-St. Petersburg Times

My motto's always been this: if you're gonna go out, go out swinging like Griner. Don't get me wrong: Porche throws 'em up really well, but if you wanna go out with a bang, put someone on the floor

P.S. Porche Grant is a great name. Someone should give her this guy’s number.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Can't Get Enough Of Ray Hudson The Soccer Enthusiast

"Merciless like Kathy Bates with that sledgehammer in that movie"

"And little blondie says, 'I want to be like him,' I doubt it very much."

So dramatic with his commentary, but you gotta love the similes.

Where Are They Now? - Aaron Carter

If there was a “Bieber of the ‘90s” contest, Aaron Carter would at least be a finalist. No mediocre kid goes and drops a music video with Shaq (unreal lyrics), and any 13 year-old on MTV Cribs is doing well for himself. It was cool for boys to hate him, and natural for girls to love him. My second grade crush was obsessed with little blondie, and it just broke my heart. With hits like Aaron’s Party and others, the kid was going places—until the “P-word” got him, just like it gets all other childhood stars.

Sometime after his voice first cracked and before he got the consistent five o’clock shadow, Carter got lost in the mix a little. He hung around, but was not as prominent as he was before. Carter’s career had definitely shifted, and his reality TV show in 2006 was just sad. His blonde locks snagged Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, and playmate Keri Ann Peniche, to whom he was briefly engaged. In 2009, he snagged 5th place on Dancing With The Stars. Like most childhood stars, he’s been in and out of the recording studio, mixed in a few tours, and tried acting a few times, but nothing seemed to fit like it did back in the ‘90s. Aaron also ended up where most childhood stars do—rehab. In January, Carter entered the Betty Ford Center for his second stint (the first was on VH1's Celebrity Rehab), and completed earlier this month. He’s back in the studio now giving stardom another go. He’s a little older, a little wiser, and less cute, but no matter how badly this next album may be, one thing is for sure: the average man doesn’t have a dating resume half as impressive as this guy.