Monday, January 31, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #275 Hitting the Snooze Button

I know, it's a temporary joy, but a joy nonetheless. When you hear your iPhone blasting the Jeopardy theme song at 8:15 in the morning (or in Notorious's case, a Buffet anthem at 3:00 pm), you want nothing more than to fire that fucker out your window. You probably would if it wasn't for the red tags handcuffing the screen to your windowsill (A word of advice: live off-campus). That's why God, God or Zuckerberg that is, invented the snooze feature.

To hit the snooze button is to give a big fat middle finger to the rest of the world. Nothing on Earth matters more than getting back to that dream of plowing Brooklyn Decker on the 50-yard line in front of a sold-out Alumni. And holy shit did the sandman come last night...your eyes are crustier than Bart Simpson's favorite clown. You have to piss like a racehorse but that means nothing at this point. You'll gladly accept minor bladder problems later in life if it means you get your extra 15 minutes of Z-time in (and climax with Brooklyn).

Here's to you, snooze button, you beautiful enabler you.

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