Friday, December 30, 2011

A Little Commencement Speaker Chatter


I'm not sure when BC announces who the commencement speaker is but I've heard some pretty interesting ideas as to who it could be. While Boggs could certainly provide us all with a wealth of knowledge and Milwaukee's Best, I don't know if the faculty would go for that one.

As for some more realistic options, I'll throw out a few names.

Barney Frank - other than the whole being-gay-and-jewish thing, the Congressman would be a good fit for BC as he is one of the funniest people in politics and is about to retire.

Malcolm Gladwell - Outliers was the first leisure book I've finished since the Harry Potter book where Cedric Diggory dies and I'm sure Gladwell could make us all think about the world differently for at least 20 minutes.

Bill Clinton - Being a democrat and the shitload of charity work he's done would sit well with the Jesuits but I don't see us roping in a name this big.

Robert Kraft - Big name in the sports world that has donated to BC in the past and also done a lot of charity work who I'm sure would have plenty to talk about given the recent death of his wife. Overall not the best public speaker though.

Jerry York - God I hope BC doesn't pull something like this on us.

Dennis Lehane - Boston area writer who wrote Shutter Island, Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone as well as a few episodes on The Wire.

Amy Poehler - BC grad who gave Harvard's commencement last year. Would definitely be entertaining.

Marquis Daniels - Role model for many in the Boston community, heard he's a profound speaker.

Who am I forgetting?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I Guess The Heat Didn't Get The Message

Did all of America not rip them apart for doing the infamous intro last year? Why would they go out and do this? I guess they can't just stick to basketball in Miami.



Sunday, December 25, 2011

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Oh My God

Just watch.

Friday, December 23, 2011

And The Worst Commercial of Christmas Goes To...

Lexus.


I think that might be America's most annoying couple. I'm just baffled as to how anyone could hear 5 seconds of that song and automatically know that someone just bought them a Lexus.


Little better:

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Thursday!

"Give her my test, give her the Reservoir test."
"What's the Reservoir test?"
"All right listen to me. You tell her you're going to Reservoir to pick up booze, right. Before you go, you dilly-dally around her dorm, waiting for her to offer 5, maybe 10 bucks to chip in. You open the door, you turn back to face her on your way out, and if she doesn't take out her wallet and give you cash, you dump her."
"Just like that?"
"Listen to me kid, if she doesn't reach over and take out that cash so you can buy more booze, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you seen is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast."

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Scott Van Pelt Has Game

This is old but I'd never heard it. It's a voicemail SVP left for some chick he met at a bar. Everyone at ESPN is lightyears behind him in every aspect.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Bro You Should Know - Charles Haley


Charles Haley got mentioned a few times in last night's game because Aldon Smith of the 49ers broke his single-season sack record for a rookie. I did a little research on this dude and found two main bullet points: he is the only person to have won 5 Super Bowls and he's a crazy motherfucker.

Towards the end of this clip you'll hear him tell Troy Aikman something along the lines of, "Troy, if I hit yo momma with my dick and rub my dick on ya, just call you my bitch." Don't quote me on that. When Michael Irvin says "he was crazy...fa real" and giggles like that I feel like he's thinking of some absolutely absurd things he's seen Haley do that he would never be able to mention on the NFL Network. Ignore the guy's comments in the background and pay special attention to Ken Norton's cowboy hat.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Kim Jong Da Illest

This video is pretty absurd - North Koreans balling crying over the death of Kim Jong Il. Something tells me most Texans wouldn't react like this if Obama died.





Sunday, December 18, 2011

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Down With The BCS!


Here at Broston we are pro-tournament. If there was one this year there could have been a potential Oregon v. Boise State Championship and how fresh would those jerseys be?

Sorry for how overwhelming big the video is. Deal with it.

You Should Have Heard the Noise I Made When I Saw These



Just pure sex appeal. I heard the government kills a terrorist every time you lace these up. Santa, I hope you read the site during finals.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Rudy's in Some Deep Shit


The SEC charged that Mr. Ruettiger and 12 others participated in a scheme to provide false and misleading statements about their company in news releases, SEC filings and promotional materials. The false and misleading statements, which included exaggerated claims about their "Rudy" sports drink, were designed to boost the price of the company's stock and allow the participants to sell their shares at inflated prices, the SEC said.

Mr. Ruettiger agreed to pay $382,866 to settle the SEC's charges, along with 10 others who agreed to settle, the SEC said. The agency is still pursuing litigation against two other individuals

"Investors were lured into the scheme by Mr. Ruettiger's well-known, feel-good story but found themselves in a situation that did not have a happy ending," said Scott Friestad, Associate Director of the SEC's Division of Enforcement. "The tall tales in this elaborate scheme included phony taste tests and other false information that was used to convince investors they were investing in something special."

For example, a promotional mailer to potential investors falsely said that in "a major southwest test, Rudy outsold Gatorade 2 to 1!" the SEC said. The false or misleading statements about the company were also distributed in messages posted in Internet chat rooms dedicated to penny stocks and videos placed on the Internet for public viewing.

Wall Street Journal


Rudy just wanted it so badly. His sports drink was such an underdog to Gatorade, and if Rudy Nutrition could survive, it'd give hope to all other small business owners with long-shot odds on playing with the big boys. Well, now Rudy's in the shitter. This isn't a very juicy story, but it's about Rudy and people who are obsessed with Rudy annoy me when they say he's never done anything wrong. His story's great and inspirational (if not corny), but he's not perfect. Tebow is the only sinless football player on this earth and that's a fact (had to throw in a Tebow reference just because everyone else is doing it). Moreover, Rudy's story is in no way a reflection on Notre Dame's program today. Not that I hate Rudy: I hate how people at Notre Dame use his story to try to prove that Notre Dame's program is full of athletes with upstanding character. They try to say that Rudy is evidence that Notre Dame cares about it's athletes and that they have unmatched tradition. That's bullshit. It's a cool story, just unfortunate that I have to cringe every time I hear it because the image of Lou Holtz masturbating almost immediately pops into my head.


They're Baaacccckkkk


The ACC just gave some good news to the BC football team about next year. Let's be honest here, there isn't much optimism going on around campus about the squad, but this news certainly starts next season off in the right direction. Montel Harris, Kaleb Ramsey, Ifeanyi Momah, Cj Jones, and Connor Wujciak all received medical hardship waivers, granting them an extra year of eligibility. In case you were wondering (you never know), the ACC also granted Jose Estevez of the cross-country team a medical hardship waiver. Don't know why this was included in the same article but I'm pumped about it.
This is huge. Look at the names on this list. To refresh your Shay-hazy memories, Ifeanyi Momah played like Moses in our game against Northwestern before tearing a ligament in his knee. Momah is 6'6 and a freak athlete. Kaleb Ramsey is a solid defensive tackle with experience. Ramsey led our D-Line in tackles two seasons ago. He didn't lead our team though. Kucehly did. Wujciak was a four-star recruit on rivals, which is basically as good as it gets for BC other than Kuechly. Kuechly if you're reading this please stay. Cj Jones was poised to have a big year until he went down in the Northwestern game as well. Montel just does all ill types of shit out there on the gridiron. Best to tear up Alumni since Willie Green (to the kid who rocks a Willie Green Browns jersey on gamedays: we see you, and we appreciate you).

In an off-season that started with worry that a 4-8 campaign would cause recruits to back out, here's some good news that will keep my head up and give me hope that there is something to do between Shea parties on Saturdays in the fall.

Jose Estevez's personal record in the mile is 4:20. Fratty.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

This is How You Embarrass a Goalie

Happy Thursday!

"Distract the bouncer! When this asshole asks for your ID, cover me! Go!"
"Sir!"
"Get him! Fratsby! Keep goin, keep goin!"
"I don't have a backup!"
"I got it!"

"RBV!!!"

"Did you sneak in? Did he see you?"
"Yeah, I can hear Rihanna blaring."

Throwback Music Video Of The Week - Ride With Me

Nelly just knew how to bring the noise and he also knew how to make a music video. I wish they were more relevant nowadays.

Little Mang

I love when little guys dominate a big mans game.

Nickname: "The CrimeStopper" because when he plays everyone comes out and watches him and the crime stops....only in Baltimore

Is This Funny?

I can't decide if my brain has just been numbed from staring at my computer all week or if this is actually funny.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #426 Magazine Arriving in the Mail


I'm a huge fan of magazines and I love getting them delivered to me. It's not as easy on campus because I have to hoof it to the mail room, which requires asking my roommate (probably the one who brought the vacuum) what our mail code is. I've been an SI guy my whole life but I think ESPN is starting to pass it in the ranks.

A solid pile of mags close by the toilet is an important part of any living space.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Strip Mod Video

As most of you know each year the kids that live in 27 A/B get buckwild and take their clothes off in front of an audience. I'm baffled that the BC fun police haven't ended this tradition, but anyway, here's this year's video. Looks like it took a lot of work, props.

Sporcle.com

As a community, we need to come together. I know there are a lot of differences in the student body, and a lot of us might not agree with each other on certain topics (Tuscan Cheese people freak me out), but now is the time to come together as a group and reclaim our spot atop the Sporcle leader-board. The class of 2011 must have been devoted to Sporcle, because we were always flirting with the top spot last year and this year we're nowhere to be found. For those who don't know Sporcle, go there now. Stay there, stay as long as you can. For the love of God cherish it. Sporcle is the Goldbond to BrostonCollege's academic chafes. The variety of games will blow your mind. Seriously, it's fantastic. Maybe I just want to see some evidence that everyone else at this school has given up on their academic pursuits for the semester. Maybe I take an absurd amount of pride in being able to name all 54 countries of Africa. Maybe I just want to see BC on a leader-board of some sort. Whatever the reason is, I want to make that climb real bad. Help me out here people. In doing so, I think you'll find that you're also helping yourselves out.

We're sitting in the 10 spot right now. Not tonight. This is our time. I am sick and tired of hearing about how good a Sporcle school Michigan has. Screw 'em.

Finals Week: Scrubs Claiming Rooms



Why not just draw a big middle finger? I've been taking finals for the past 4 years here and I don't think I can remember people ever doing this in the past. What gives? If the room really is "taken" which I would assume means there is a group discussion going on, would it really have wrecked your concentration that badly for me to open the door, pop my head in, and leave after seeing that the room was full? Well, judging by these notes I guess the answer is yes, in which case I highly suggest a pair of noise-canceling headphones and a heavy, heavy ritalin prescription. Side note - If I walk into a "claimed" room and don't find a group discussion but instead find two girls giggling over Parks and Recs clips I will go apeshit. I'm talking Artest in the Palace of Auburn Hills apeshit.

But seriously, this is pretty ridiculous. What would have happened if I got to Devlin 008 this morning and put a "Taken" sign on the door? Would I have gotten all 300 seats? Just like that? Fuck your signs. This isn't a game of Risk. I know finals week brings out the animal in every nerd on campus, so if you're gonna be an animal, do as they do. You want the room that bad, you pee on the door. Both sides. That's how to get me to not walk in.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Silent Night

At Taylor University in Indiana, they have a tradition called "Silent Night" that takes place the week before fall finals. Basically the crowd remains dead quiet until Taylor scores their 10th point, at which point the place goes gorillas. Here's the 10th point:

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #382 Popping a Pimple


There's something really cathartic (read a fucking book) about popping a pimple. The guy's been waiting to bust out of you for a few days and you've been even more impatient waiting for it to be gone. Going toe-to-toe with the beast is a lot like taking Perspectives, you know it's gonna hurt when you do it but it's gonna feel amazing to get it done. And no I don't believe that's a real pimple that she's trying to pop.

Happy Thursday!



And uh, I just want to say one thing, umm, to the fans and everybody in Thursday Nation, umm, I'm sorry, extremely sorry, you know we were hoping for an undefeated season, that was my goal, something Thursdays never done here. But I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any kid in the entire country, drink as hard as I will drink the rest of the season and you never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of the season and you never see a team drink harder than we will the rest of the season, God bless.

Plex Rival




















Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean most times) I forget just how big this school really is. Because of that fact, the student body is able to provide some 'grade A' competition at the Plex at a pretty consistent rate. I'm hoping the pick-up basketball scene takes off next semester with the resurgence of the NBA (Heat over Lakers (pending Chris Paul OR Dwight Howard to the Lakers)) and the ever approaching March Madness bug.* But it's not always fun and games when you get on those miniature basketball courts. There's a lot of hatred that gets tossed around the gym and I've seen my fair share of brawls. Everyone has a plex rival. The main difference between a plex rival and an NBA rival is the plex rivalry usually stems from issues off the court. Most of the rivalries are born in a bar and almost all revolve around a common chick. You duke it out on the court trying to impose your alpha male mentality through 3-pt goggles, and1 finishes, and the I-think-I-look-like-Ginobili-but-I-don't-at-all-Euro Step. It truly is a shame that the ellipticals and treadmills aren't strategically placed above the bball courts for the girls to see what's really going on when the sun is up. You have to love to win but you also have to hate to lose, especially when you're playing your rival. The sad thing is, most rivalries only go one way. Heck, half the time you don't even know the other kid's name. So does that mean it's not a rivalry? Maybe. But for the most part that just means there wont be an ESPN film on you two anytime in the near future. Rivalries are what you make of them.


*The Butler Bulldogs are 1000/1 odds to win it all. Is that a joke? Brad Stevens will have that squad in the national championship in New Orleans come April 1st without a doubt. If he does then I'm fairly certain he will be the next President of the United States.

Inside Broston?



Bill Simmons is a love or hate kinda guy (according to Drake, jealousy is love and hate at the same time) but I've really grown to like him over the past year. He should never color commentate a game again, but his writing is definitely in the top 1%.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Game of Honor

Showtime is making a documentary film about the Army-Navy football rivalry. Even the preview is the manliest thing I've ever seen.




I legitimately think these Navy uni's for the game could be my favorite football uniforms of all time.


Classic Rick



I wonder where he filmed this.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

What The Plumlees Don't Want You To Know...


We chased Singler off to Spain. I'm sure these three goons will do in his absence.

The Plumlees wash their hands thoroughly every time they leave the MA's bathroom.
The Plumlees shut down their computers daily.
The Plumlees are BC's offensive coordinators.
The Plumlees got written up for having a keg of O'Doul's in the mods.
The Plumlees still use the word "nunya."
The Plumlees fax their order to Chipotle.
Mason Plumlee's only walk of shame came from Miles Plumlee's room.
The Plumlees look up to Kyle Singler.
The Plumlees read the instructions for every video game before they play.
The Plumlees think Wade Boggs drinks too much.
The Plumlees love when their desktop is really cluttered.
The Plumlees each bought a FIAT because they liked Kyle Singler's Nissan Leaf.
The Plumlees hope Tim Tebow goes to hell.
The Plumlees bet their life savings that Montee Ball will win the Heisman.
The Plumlees refuse to wear deodorant.
The Plumlees keep their shirts on when they go in the water.
The Plumlees skipped Prom Night because they were too nervous to ask a chick.
The Plumlees think Jack and Jill is Adam Sandler's best piece of work.
The Plumlees got matching tattoos of Skip Bayliss' face on their groins.
The Plumlees once got beat up by the Three Ninjas.
The Plumlees answer "maybe" to every Facebook invite they're invited to.
The Plumlees complained about our HerCampus article.
The Plumlees only share study guides and old tests with each other.
The Plumlees went to BC Homecoming.
The Plumlees can't stand "Levels".
The Plumlees' favorite college basketball team is UConn Women.
The Plumlees refused to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.
The Plumlees frequently try to 4 way kiss with girls when they black out.
The Plumlees always write 11 pages for 8-10 page papers.
The Plumlees conceal hickeys with turtlenecks.
The Plumlees were disappointed to see Tiger win again.
The Plumlees only have one BBM group (yes, they have Blackberry Pearls). It's with each other.
The Plumlees hate chicken noodle soup.
The Plumlees stopped watching Entourage after Season 1.
The Plumlees feel bad stealing a sip at the soda fountain.
The Plumlees refuse to invite underclassmen girls to their parties.
The Plumlees prefer Hillside's Mediterranean Humus to the Baja Chicken.
The Plumlees least favorite college basketball analyst is Jay Bilas.
The Plumlees flew to Notre Dame.
The Plumlees wear coats and ties to class presentations that don't require them.
The Plumlees' favorite "Lion King" Character is Scar.
The Plumlees like "The Office" better without Steve Carell.
The Plumlees ask questions when class is trying to end.
The Plumlees prefer benching each other to going to the gym.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Norte Beer With a Gem




Having a koozie is fresh as it is. But having a koozie with special powers changes the entire game. Pictures are great and all, but sometimes ruining a picture gives me so much more satisfaction than participating in one. This koozie is as close a thing to an invisibility cloak as I'll ever see. The way I see it is this: if you don't want any documentation of you getting scummy at Cantab on a Thursday, bring this guy with you and there will be no photo evidence. Whenever this koozie is in a picture, the flash bounces off of it and the entire picture just comes out white. Bringing photobombing to a whole new level. Well in, Norte.

Where Are They Now? - Kia Shine


Not only is "Krispy" the song that automatically plays in my head when I see the O'Neill security guard trudging around, it was the club-banger to end all club-bangers a few years back. Kia Shine was poised to take over the rap game and then all of a sudden it was as if he was kidnapped. I never heard from him again. What would rap be like today if Kia was still around? I know the sample size is small (1 song) but this guy makes nothing but absolute hits. Kia...if you're out there, get back in the studio. For your sake and mine.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sign Up for Hoops for Hope










This Saturday at 11 am in the Plex is BC's Hoops for Hope tournament. It's a 3 v. 3 charity basketball that raises money for the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. You can have up to 4 ballers on your team and there are men's, women's, and co-ed divisions. Winners of each bracket get legit prizes, and the top fundraiser gets a signed Mark Herzlich Giants jersey. Facebook group here. Register HERE.

There's a Hero Somewhere in South Carolina

This is today's Greenville News in South Carolina. Some hero truly knows how to start a Thursday with style. The mastermind behind this stunt just loves to party and hates his boss. What a combination. And make no mistake about it: this isn't a pedestrian story in their paper today. This is down South and they're talking about college football. A lot of people are going to be reading this article. The guy knew what he was doing when he placed "fuck" by itself between the second and third paragraphs.
vaginaboob
He's been planning this for weeks, and he nailed it. The best part about it is that it's not even clever. He just wanted to be as straight-forward as possible. He didn't want to get too elaborate, he just wanted to let people know that he beat the system and was able to write "fuck" in a published newspaper article. To this hero, wherever you are, if you're ever looking for employment after your inevitable termination tomorrow, you know where to find us...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Pac - 12 "Championship Game"



The Pac-12 has two divisions: North and South. If you were to rank all the Pac-12 teams together, UCLA would be in 4th place. But, because college football makes a lot of sense, they will be playing Oregon this Friday in the Pac-12 Championship game. What's the spread? 32.5. That's appalling even for a college basketball game. I don't know if the BCS is technically to blame for this but they're getting the blame by default. Let's hope the Bruins cover for their own sake.

I Think We've Won The Battle


Kyle Singler will remain in Spain to play for Real Madrid rather than return to the United States and play for the Detroit Pistons, Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports is reporting. Singler was the 33rd pick in the 2011 NBA Draft out of Duke University.

Singler began his overseas career playing for Alicante, where he averaged 15 points per game. He signed with Real Madrid Tuesday to replace Rudy Fernandez, who will be returning to play with the Dallas Mavericks.

“Real Madrid presented a really attractive package that Kyle couldn’t pass up,” Singler’s agent Greg Lawrence told Yahoo! Sports. “While playing in Alicante, Kyle fell in love with Spain, but he’s also looking forward to career in the NBA with the Detroit Pistons.”

Detroit will still own rights to Singler for the 2012-13 season, when he is expected to return to the NBA. The Pistons will have a chance to make a counter offer December 9 if they are interested in luring Singler back stateside.

After years of us divulging embarrassing and true information about Kyle Singler, his reputation has finally taken a bad enough hit to the point where he has fled the country. "Real Madrid presented a really attractive package that Kyle couldn't pass up." Like what, not living in Detroit? Just when I thought those Chrysler ads saved that city it's right back down in the dumps again when even a lowlife like Singler turns it down. He's your problem now Spain. With Singler's emigration, look forward to hearing some pretty interesting facts about the Plumlees in the very near future.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Reemergence of Dan Orlovsky


For those of you who don't remember possibly the worst season in the history of professional sports, this video pretty much sums it all up in a hilarious 22 seconds.



Orlovsky will be under center this Sunday for the Peytonless (winless) Colts against the Pats. Vegas' 21 point line seems a bit small in my opinion. Who knows though, maybe Orlovsky can claim the glory he's always deserved. Either way, the guy is better at looking completely defeated than anyone in sports. Wonder how many Orlovsky jerseys I'll see this week...

It's That Time Of Year















Oh how the Holidays come early. You really never see this many gorgeous females together in one place unless you're at a Justin Bieber concert. I wonder what song they are going to use to top Akon's Angel from last year? There's really no reason not to have this on the tube tonight.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Robots Are Cool


Honda built this robot they call "Asimo." I would have so much fun bringing this guy out with me.
The other video is pretty ridiculous too.



Saturday, November 26, 2011

Top 500 Feelings - #422 Lighting Stuff on Fire


Nothing is as pure as lighting stuff on fire. And everybody loves to do it. It starts from a young age with birthday candles, then you move up to bonfires/s'mores where random debris is inevitably thrown in the fire, then you finally graduate to getting the hook up for illegal fireworks.

Speaking of which, shoutout to whoever's RV that was in South Bend that made it look like the 4th of July after the game. Surprisingly legit pyrotechnics. Playing with fire is as American as apple pie.


This is so Thailand (watch the whole thing):

Jacob Tucker

5'11'' whiteboy with a 50 inch vertical. Sounds like Lieutenant Jenkems.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Winter Classic Tour W/ BroBible at Royale 11/30
























BroBible and Broston bringing you Savoy at Royale the tonight. It's 18+ and booze is being sold to those 21+. Tickets are 20 bucks through Ticketmaster. All signs point to this being a really good idea.

Savoy:



The last time we did something with BroBible:


Tickets here.

Facebook group here.

Pepper Spray Cop Killin It

This cop from Occupy UC Davis has become an instant hit on the web. I giggled.







Throwback Music Video of the Week - Batter Up

Nelly comin' in hot with an absolute gem of a video. What more could you ask for from a baseball themed video - it's got pitbulls on the field, babes in bikinis packing doggies in the dugout, a bunt homerun, Murphy Lee hitting a forehand for a homer, a team scoring 420 runs, and a trophy with a chrome rim on it. Take notes Bud Selig.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Happy Thursday!

"None of you know what you have to do. Remember - everyone and I mean everyone comes into our house and pushes us around. This is their game now gentlemen, and for you seniors it's your last one so make it count because you will be riding pine in the NFL for the rest of your lives. Happy Thursday!"


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Astros to the AL




The sale of the Houston Astros got approved by Major League Baseball on Nov. 16, but not before a strict stipulation got placed on the new owner. In exchange for an approval on sale, MLB is forcing the Astros to move to the American League. -yahoo

I guess I could say I saw this one coming, but I don't want to lie to you guys. Sort of a random move if you ask me, but the MLB knows more than I do. Honestly, after following David Freese bask in his glory in the week following the World Series, I've been off baseball. Now here comes this news out-of-the-blue and it's got me asking the obvious question: how are the Astros, a team whose recent interleague record is as good as my attendance record in history lectures, going to survive in the AL for the next few years? They're 7-23 in the last two seasons against the AL, and their struggles aren't looking to turn anytime soon. Maybe there's a possible Rangers vs. Astros rivalry in the making, but let's be honest: Selig should have at least given us back the Colt .45s. What a squad. What a country.

Chafe - Fire Hydrant Cock-Block


I'm no rookie to Cleveland Circle. I'm an Eagle's Deli advocate, I've had my fair share of Resevoir Liquor Store buys, and I've gone to Chipotle enough to know that having the worker "mix that all up a bit" benefits a burrito so much it shouldn't be free. Cleveland Circle is a popular spot. With all the crowds in our own little Times Square comes a vast shortage of parking. Parking sucks as it is, but particularly so when you're hungry. And after every time I make the Hail-Mary U-Turn across the T-Tracks (lot of hyphens), as I drive up to Eag's I see a gap between cars right in front of it. My lucky day, a gap between cars. It wants to be filled. It wants my car. No...it's just a damn fire hydrant. It always has been. That same fire hydrant has crushed my future more than I care to count and I still get fooled by it. It hurts. All fire hydrant cock-blocks do. Maybe it's because finding parking elsewhere in the vicinity is tough, and maybe it's the glimmer of false hope I get every time I drive up to it. Either way, it's the type of chafe that keeps on chafing. Usually just ends up in a trip to Tedeschi's and a afternoon full of shame.