Tuesday, November 30, 2010
This is one of those age old chafes that I'm sure your parents could relate to as well as your parent's parents. For some odd reason, raffles are rigged more than the NBA lottery is. When is the last time you remember winning anything boss? It never seems to happen. Not to you and not to your friends. Raffles are basically the ultimate equalizer (other than flip cup). It's the losers turn to take center stage and bring home every Xbox 360 out there, a new Mustang, and a free round trip to anywhere in the world (courtesy of Jetblue). No matter how hard you try, you never get the prize that you want. The worst is the fact that your 360 just got the red ring of death (uber chafe) and you're in desperate need of a new one. Now you have to watch some kid from your spanish class that hasn't said a word in three years walk past you to collect his winnings when his raffle number is read off. What the 'h-e double hockey sticks' is he going to do with that thing? Get kinect and play dance dance revolution? It's absolute bullshit that he gets the Xbox. There should be two separate raffles at senior prom. One for the kids whose names you know, and the other for the hoodlums that eat their lunch in the stalls. That way, they can go nuts when they win a $20 Borders gift card, and we can go ape shit when we win a Peyton Manning autographed Colts jersey. As disappointed as I am after every raffle, I still continue to play. This is either because I'm constantly feeling lucky, or because I have a gambling addiction that I should probably get checked out.
Monday, November 29, 2010
I'm worn out from Thanksgiving break and colossally chafed with work but I couldn't let another week of NFL action slip by without giving a shout out to Peyton (C)Hillis. The heir-apparent to Mike Alstott as the burly white RB who nobody wants to tackle went for 131 yards and a very casual 3 touchdowns. Cleveland, you have your new king (Sorry Colt). If their jerseys weren't so repulsive I'd be all over a number 40 right now, it being "Cyber Monday" and all. I'd like to do this video justice but I really can't beat the description of the guy who uploaded it: Peyton Hillis Takes Charles Godfrey's Cornbread. Tell me you don't feel the wrath of Thor reigning down from above when Hillis gets down on his knee and rips apart the heavens.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I consider myself a big-time fan of the local eateries around campus. They suck my wallet dry but I'll be damned if I'm not satisfied after every Roggie's chicken parm/Boloco smoothie/Dunkin muffin. I tell myself that eating on campus is basically the same price as going to these establishments, but that's mainly just to make myself feel less guilty about blowing mommy and daddy’s greenbacks. Of course this mindset is forgetting to take into account the fact that Eagle Bucks/meal plan money is not actually real money. I digress.
As Thanksgiving arrives, we all take a break from both on-campus dining and Brighton eateries to head home. Other than getting to bash cheeks with your go-to hookup at home (hopefully she’s picked up a few new tricks at school), the best thing about Thanksgiving break is the food. If you disagree with that, get the fuck off my website. Yeah, you get to hit up your favorite delis and breakfast spots at home but I’m talking about that finger-lickin’, chop-smackin, mommy-made grub. What we all took for granted for 18 years is now a treasured rarity. This week, we’re all members of the Clean Plate Club. Don’t act like your mom didn’t play that game with you too. Not only is it free, this shit is good, so thank your ma’s and pa’s for the grind they put in in the kitchen.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I'm obsessed with Beil. I don't like her, I don't like like her, I'm not in love with her. I'm obsessed with her. First let me give my props to whoever cast her for this roll. Cape League romantic comedy with Freddy Prince as the lead and you need the rich girl down the road for the love interest? Yeah, that's called nailing it. Not to mention the hottest name this side of Brooklyn Decker. If you're a brunette and you make this list, you're special. Biel's special.
Friday, November 19, 2010
First off, if you don't already know who Brian St. Pierre is you're probably on the wrong site. For anybody living under a rock (between the years of 1999-2002), he was BC's quarterback that treated Big East defenses like sex-offenders treat Russian mail-order brides. By the time he had snagged the '01 Music City Bowl and '02 Motor City Bowl, St. Pierre had ran through 50% of chicks in all 4 grades, plus had experimented with a few lucky law school ladies. But his time had come. It was time for the big show. The Steelers drafted BSP in the 5th round of the 2003 NFL draft (steal). Clearly the Steelers didn't grasp the scope of St. Pierre's potential. And by that I mean in the only game he played for them, he finished 0/1 on passing and had 5 carries (4 were kneel-downs) for a grand total of -3 yards.
Alas, there was no way Brian St. Pussymagnet wasn’t going to finish his NFL career without getting a start. The salty vet (now with the Panthers) has been restrained to the sidelines for far too long, probably gone through a midlife crisis or two, but all the while has kept the old cannon oiled and ready. Finally, this Sunday, he will get his first start against the Ravens. Now don't all jump to your fantasy "Add Player" option at once, but when you see St. P drop 4 TD's plus another one rushing this weekend, remember where you heard it first.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
PORTLAND, Ore. -- Trail Blazers center Greg Oden, the former No. 1 draft pick whose short career has been marred by injuries, will have microfracture surgery on his left knee and will not play this season.
Oden hasn't played since last December because he needed surgery to repair a fractured left patella. The Blazers say this operation, announced Wednesday night and scheduled for Friday in Vail, Colo., will repair damaged cartilage and is unrelated to the patella injury.
Dude has taken a bigger beating than clam at Cityside. And to think he could have been the next Mutombo.
After given the name Alfred Matthew Yankovic at birth, folks knew this man would be special. Soon he would grow up to be "Weird Al" and would gain the King's throne of parodies. His humor remixed with pop culture and hit singles created a genre of music that touched the heart and souls of our generation. Where is he now you might ask? Dead. Just kidding, he's fine and in good health. Weird Al has recently gotten Lasik eye surgery to get rid of his glasses and he has cut his mustache to complete his new image. He is currently working on a new album that is suppose to drop sometime in 2010 (time is running out Alfred) and has supposedly targeted Lady Gaga as a new victim. Other than that Weird Al isn't doing much. If I were asked what he is doing currently, my guess would be that he is listening to Amish Paradise on repeat while stuffing his face with twinkies. We all went through a Weird Al phase, I just hope everyone got out of it like I did. If you haven't yet then may God have mercy on your poor soul.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I've seen a kid once stand in front of these baggies and attempt for a solid eight minutes to get one free. A wise man told me today that the key is to lick your fingers before grabbing them. I feel for you students at flight school, I feel for you.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Massachusetts Alcoholic Beverages Control Commission (ABCC) Chairman Kim Gainsboro said the ABCC will file an emergency regulation next Monday to restrict sales of caffeinated malt beverages containing alcohol. The ban extends to any alcoholic malt beverage containing caffeine or any herbal stimulant, the Associated Press reported tonight.
Well you can't say we didn't have our day in the sun with her. It was one hell of a run. We'll tell our kids about these few months when Four Loko was on the racks, I'm sure. "You drank Four Loko, Dad?! No Way!" "Hell I Met your Mom when I was OchoLoko, son, a Lemon Lime and Blue Raz," I can just hear it now. We'll tell of the race-car heart rate, the armageddon hangover, the demonic shits. We'll tell of the only kid we knew brave enough to shotgun one. We'll tell of the 4'11" blonde girl who took one down by herself (RIP). We'll tell of the fights that happened because of it, the memories made with it, and the adderall we took despite it. So go stock up like it's Y2K, because this weekend, we share one more waltz with the evil mistress. See you Thursday, Four Loko, and maybe in another life.