Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Are They Good Or Are They Good?


Feeling Inadequate, Ladies?


The Boss Dips Into Other Genres

Jimmy Fallon is Neil Young. Bruce Springsteen is Bruce Springsteen. Enjoy.

P.S. Fallon is scary good at being Neil Young.

Facebook Albums


For many of us (myself included), there is literally no difference between a good F-book album and hardcore pornography. Nowadays, every group of friends comes equipped with 2 - 5 girls that can absolutely murder an album. They've got the camera, they go to the fresh parties, they emphasize the good-looking, and they're timely with their posting. Between about Sunday at 3 p.m. and Tuesday at 9 (I don't like it when you're lazy, girls), we've come to expect (dare I say demand) albums 100 photos deep, documenting the social scene of an entire weekend. Listen, I don't want to do it, I don't even want to know how it's done, I just want my goddamn album. I'm assuming one girl uploads, signals a roommate with some sort of tribal shout, she then tags, another tribal shout, cuing the final roommate to do captions.

Sound about right?

However, Facebook albums have recently been irreversibly altered with the introduction of "mobile uploads." These seem to be becoming all the rage on the Social Network. As if the entire Facebook/Twitter culture wasn't already narcissistic enough, Facebook (Zuckerberg) has found a way to turn us in to our own little paparazzi. There's something unavoidably strange about going online and seeing a picture of yourself that was taken seconds or minutes prior. It seems like the days of waiting 'till Sunday for your albums are fading fast. I'm tearing up.

P.S. It's not cool to untag or make your pictures private (unless of course you have a girlfriend at another school).

P.P.S. Tag me, tag me.

Baby Chafe - Lollipop Wrapper Refusing To Come Off

























And why does this only seem to happen with Blowpops? It's about time for these motherfuckers to revamp their wrapper department.

Chafe - Losers Winning The Best Raffle Prizes


This is one of those age old chafes that I'm sure your parents could relate to as well as your parent's parents. For some odd reason, raffles are rigged more than the NBA lottery is. When is the last time you remember winning anything boss? It never seems to happen. Not to you and not to your friends. Raffles are basically the ultimate equalizer (other than flip cup). It's the losers turn to take center stage and bring home every Xbox 360 out there, a new Mustang, and a free round trip to anywhere in the world (courtesy of Jetblue). No matter how hard you try, you never get the prize that you want. The worst is the fact that your 360 just got the red ring of death (uber chafe) and you're in desperate need of a new one. Now you have to watch some kid from your spanish class that hasn't said a word in three years walk past you to collect his winnings when his raffle number is read off. What the 'h-e double hockey sticks' is he going to do with that thing? Get kinect and play dance dance revolution? It's absolute bullshit that he gets the Xbox. There should be two separate raffles at senior prom. One for the kids whose names you know, and the other for the hoodlums that eat their lunch in the stalls. That way, they can go nuts when they win a $20 Borders gift card, and we can go ape shit when we win a Peyton Manning autographed Colts jersey. As disappointed as I am after every raffle, I still continue to play. This is either because I'm constantly feeling lucky, or because I have a gambling addiction that I should probably get checked out.

Monday, November 29, 2010

The North Chafe

With Winter comes snow. With snow comes chafe. Dig in and bundle up. Let's go global warming.

Rumor Mill

Rumor has it that Stokes North is installing moving walkways in the building. Again, nothing has been confirmed.

Flight School Final Exam

Light up the devil's lettuce and enjoy.

A Bro You Should Know - Peyton Hillis


I'm worn out from Thanksgiving break and colossally chafed with work but I couldn't let another week of NFL action slip by without giving a shout out to Peyton (C)Hillis. The heir-apparent to Mike Alstott as the burly white RB who nobody wants to tackle went for 131 yards and a very casual 3 touchdowns. Cleveland, you have your new king (Sorry Colt). If their jerseys weren't so repulsive I'd be all over a number 40 right now, it being "Cyber Monday" and all. I'd like to do this video justice but I really can't beat the description of the guy who uploaded it: Peyton Hillis Takes Charles Godfrey's Cornbread. Tell me you don't feel the wrath of Thor reigning down from above when Hillis gets down on his knee and rips apart the heavens.

P.S. Coincidence Alstott wore 40 as well? You tell me.

Chafe - Playing For The Bills


Worst drop ever?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

FROM?!

A fresh dish of Thanksgiving FROMs?! Strictly football players today as it's Thanksgiving. As always, answers under each pic.

Bob Sanders
FROM?!

Thomas Jones

Pierre Thomas

Shawne Merriman


Bonus Challenge:
Tracy Porter

Marcedes Lewis


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Top 500 Feelings - #102 A Good Home-Cooked Meal


I consider myself a big-time fan of the local eateries around campus. They suck my wallet dry but I'll be damned if I'm not satisfied after every Roggie's chicken parm/Boloco smoothie/Dunkin muffin. I tell myself that eating on campus is basically the same price as going to these establishments, but that's mainly just to make myself feel less guilty about blowing mommy and daddy’s greenbacks. Of course this mindset is forgetting to take into account the fact that Eagle Bucks/meal plan money is not actually real money. I digress.


As Thanksgiving arrives, we all take a break from both on-campus dining and Brighton eateries to head home. Other than getting to bash cheeks with your go-to hookup at home (hopefully she’s picked up a few new tricks at school), the best thing about Thanksgiving break is the food. If you disagree with that, get the fuck off my website. Yeah, you get to hit up your favorite delis and breakfast spots at home but I’m talking about that finger-lickin’, chop-smackin, mommy-made grub. What we all took for granted for 18 years is now a treasured rarity. This week, we’re all members of the Clean Plate Club. Don’t act like your mom didn’t play that game with you too. Not only is it free, this shit is good, so thank your ma’s and pa’s for the grind they put in in the kitchen.

It's So Ridiculous It Might Just Work

This will either be the best movie of all time or the worst movie of all time.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Lower Live for Thanksgiving Anyone?

Top 5 Hottest Characters According To: Uncle Chafe

5. Brooke ("The Break-Up")
Jen is always incredible, but in this above average, Vince Vaughn comedy she was firing 7 different kinds of smoke. The movie is mostly about her trying to impress other dudes, so all she does is crush dress after dress, scene after scene. Most importantly you get a naked back shot that just leaves you wanting to be a better man. She's aging like fine vino, and the fact that Mayer dated her automatically means she's good enough for me.

4. Kristen ("Laguna Beach")
Just a pure flamethrower. She was hot and she knew it. Season 1 of 'Guna documented Kristen's junior year in high school, so the answer is yes, we're talking about a complete, 100%, no-doubt-about-it illegal. In that year there's no way that Kristen wasn't in the top 5 of junior high school girls in the nation, right? Top 3? 1? I mean what 16-year-old could bring the noise like she could? The fact is, I'll always be jealous of Stephen, and the scary part is, he might have been hotter.

Molly ("She's Out Of My League")
If you ever give me any credit for anything I've ever done or written on this site, give it to me for this (honestly what a call). Has there ever been a more "If I stumble upon it on TV I'll watch it" movie in the history of movies? Just insanely mediocre. The dudes in this flick are basically a homeless man version of the Rogen/Jonah Hill crew, but this chick (I have no idea what the actress's name is nor have I seen her in anything else) is just outrageously, unfairly hot. Not to mention the character is cool as shit (Like we gettt ittt Molly you're fresh).

2. Tenley Parrish ("Summer Catch")
I'm obsessed with Beil. I don't like her, I don't like like her, I'm not in love with her. I'm obsessed with her. First let me give my props to whoever cast her for this roll. Cape League romantic comedy with Freddy Prince as the lead and you need the rich girl down the road for the love interest? Yeah, that's called nailing it. Not to mention the hottest name this side of Brooklyn Decker. If you're a brunette and you make this list, you're special. Biel's special.

1. Serena ("Gossip Girl")
When I started this Top 5 there was just no way she wasn't going to be 1. Everyone has a 1, she's mine. The Good Lord took his time with Lively. Blake, if you're reading this, I love you, and we belong together. Saying any more would be disrespectful.


Coaster Of The Week - Perfect Pushup





Baby Chafe > A Word Of Advice...
























So I experienced a baby chafe last week that was cured by a visiting brethren from Fairfield days later. I was explaining to him how annoyed I was with gas pumps that didn't have the little ridges to hold the pump in place (forcing you to hold that bitch with the python death grip for all $7 worth of gas), when he whipped out some mint pouches (what a pussy) and alleviated my chafe in one fell swoop like Lubriderm on a cold winter night. Cheers to you, Skoal, you've done it again.

Friday, November 19, 2010

A Bro You Should Know - Brian St. Pierre


First off, if you don't already know who Brian St. Pierre is you're probably on the wrong site. For anybody living under a rock (between the years of 1999-2002), he was BC's quarterback that treated Big East defenses like sex-offenders treat Russian mail-order brides. By the time he had snagged the '01 Music City Bowl and '02 Motor City Bowl, St. Pierre had ran through 50% of chicks in all 4 grades, plus had experimented with a few lucky law school ladies. But his time had come. It was time for the big show. The Steelers drafted BSP in the 5th round of the 2003 NFL draft (steal). Clearly the Steelers didn't grasp the scope of St. Pierre's potential. And by that I mean in the only game he played for them, he finished 0/1 on passing and had 5 carries (4 were kneel-downs) for a grand total of -3 yards.

Alas, there was no way Brian St. Pussymagnet wasn’t going to finish his NFL career without getting a start. The salty vet (now with the Panthers) has been restrained to the sidelines for far too long, probably gone through a midlife crisis or two, but all the while has kept the old cannon oiled and ready. Finally, this Sunday, he will get his first start against the Ravens. Now don't all jump to your fantasy "Add Player" option at once, but when you see St. P drop 4 TD's plus another one rushing this weekend, remember where you heard it first.

The Loko Memories Pour In...

Thanks to the readers who sent us pics of their Four Loko memories. FYI: taking a picture of a single Four Loko on a table with no real context does not constitute as a "memory". Glad we got that cleared up. The guys in the last picture really aren't fucking around. If you think you can top these, e-mail snapshots to brostoncollege@gmail.com.







Happy Flannel Friday!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Chafe - Being Greg Oden


PORTLAND, Ore. -- Trail Blazers center Greg Oden, the former No. 1 draft pick whose short career has been marred by injuries, will have microfracture surgery on his left knee and will not play this season.

Oden hasn't played since last December because he needed surgery to repair a fractured left patella. The Blazers say this operation, announced Wednesday night and scheduled for Friday in Vail, Colo., will repair damaged cartilage and is unrelated to the patella injury.
-ESPN.com


Dude has taken a bigger beating than clam at Cityside. And to think he could have been the next Mutombo.

Happy Thursday!

"Hello?" "Never ever lay your paws on my tin." "Then why would you leave it here?" "Did you go on that beer run earlier?" "I got 6 30's and some Burnetts." "That's good. I'll be in my shower doing my pubes at 7:45 sharp." "What you're not coming up to my dorm?" "This isn't a date, it's business." "Where are you taking me anyway?" "I'm taking you to a restaurant called the Whosie...tomorrow. Very elegant." "All right, I'll meet you at Whosie but only because I paid for my ticket." "Well thank you very much...Get her back for me please." "Mr. Stuckey's got Adderall in the other room." "Yes, tell him I'm in the middle of a very important phone call." "Hello?" "I thought I told you not to touch my fucking tin." "Then stop buying Citi pouches. Sick."


Where Are They Now? - Weird Al Yankovic


After given the name Alfred Matthew Yankovic at birth, folks knew this man would be special. Soon he would grow up to be "Weird Al" and would gain the King's throne of parodies. His humor remixed with pop culture and hit singles created a genre of music that touched the heart and souls of our generation. Where is he now you might ask? Dead. Just kidding, he's fine and in good health. Weird Al has recently gotten Lasik eye surgery to get rid of his glasses and he has cut his mustache to complete his new image. He is currently working on a new album that is suppose to drop sometime in 2010 (time is running out Alfred) and has supposedly targeted Lady Gaga as a new victim. Other than that Weird Al isn't doing much. If I were asked what he is doing currently, my guess would be that he is listening to Amish Paradise on repeat while stuffing his face with twinkies. We all went through a Weird Al phase, I just hope everyone got out of it like I did. If you haven't yet then may God have mercy on your poor soul.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Just Chad Killin' It



Throws such a catchable ball too.

IS IT THURSDAY YET?

Baby Chafe - Sticky Plastic Baggies


I've seen a kid once stand in front of these baggies and attempt for a solid eight minutes to get one free. A wise man told me today that the key is to lick your fingers before grabbing them. I feel for you students at flight school, I feel for you.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's Like The Loaves And The Fishes, Just The Total Opposite

This is our generation's Boardwalk Empire. Brighton: I run this fucking city. Send your best FourLoko memory pictures to brostoncollege@gmail.com.

Massachusetts To Ban Four Loko



Tufts Daily - Massachusetts authorities are moving to restrict sales of alcoholic beverages containing caffeine and other stimulants, which includes Four Loko.

Massachusetts Alcoholic Beverages Control Commission (ABCC) Chairman Kim Gainsboro said the ABCC will file an emergency regulation next Monday to restrict sales of caffeinated malt beverages containing alcohol. The ban extends to any alcoholic malt beverage containing caffeine or any herbal stimulant, the Associated Press reported tonight.


Well you can't say we didn't have our day in the sun with her. It was one hell of a run. We'll tell our kids about these few months when Four Loko was on the racks, I'm sure. "You drank Four Loko, Dad?! No Way!" "Hell I Met your Mom when I was OchoLoko, son, a Lemon Lime and Blue Raz," I can just hear it now. We'll tell of the race-car heart rate, the armageddon hangover, the demonic shits. We'll tell of the only kid we knew brave enough to shotgun one. We'll tell of the 4'11" blonde girl who took one down by herself (RIP). We'll tell of the fights that happened because of it, the memories made with it, and the adderall we took despite it. So go stock up like it's Y2K, because this weekend, we share one more waltz with the evil mistress. See you Thursday, Four Loko, and maybe in another life.



Monday, November 15, 2010

Chafe - Someone Walking In Front of You During A Video Game


This is an age old chafe. One that has been around since Nintendo 64 and one that will be around for a long time to come (although with the new Xbox 360 Kinect I'm sure walking in front of someone playing will have more consequences to it, maybe cause the Kinect to go haywire or even get the red rings of death (uber chafe!)).

I understand that at times there is no way to get from point A to point B without crossing through the battlefield that is the television screen. If you absolutely have to walk in front of the gamers, don't be rude, give them a heads up. Don't try and be the hero that jumps across the room as if they were Carl Lewis. You may think you did no damage but take another look. Usually you'll see Ed Reed taking back a pick six or Drogba strumming a rocket into the back of the net. Pointing fingers is never a good thing, but that one split second when a video gamer's vision is obscured can change the whole outcome of a game and even a night. Now, I'd expect this chafe from a Mom (not my Mom, I have trained her over the years to take the detour around the back of the room to get to the printer) but never from another gamer himself. It's a disgrace to the video game industry and a disgrace to your family to walk in front of two kids doing battle. This is easily preventable but something that needed to be discussed.

Chafe - This Fucking E-Mail

A few notes on this e-chafe. Bravo to the Morpheus who sent it out to all of Eastern Massachusetts. The "hit reply all, it worked for me" line got us all, let's admit it. Not really sure what drove you to do such a thing, but I'm not gonna dive into a rant on him/her needing to find friends or become more involved in activities at school. If this is what makes you happy, do it with a smile on your face (as you wack it to kiddy porn in your single in Greycliff).

I'll also admit that when I saw people I knew on the list I obviously opened theirs up to see if they just sent it back blank or attempted to make a joke in it. I don't think the BC campus as a whole has typed "fuck" this many times in a day since Chris Crane was robbed of the 2008 Heisman. I also haven't seen 254 new e-mails on my Blackberry since my dick pics from last summer were leaked (488 that day) (I thought I told you those were meant to be kept private, Gisele).

Well fuck, they keep pouring in and I literally just cleaned out my inbox (chafe) this morning. Though I could have searched this kid's email in the Portal and found out everything about him (year of graduation, height, his opinion on Trojan's Fire and Ice umbrellas) I'm in no mood to do that. We're not in the business of ruining people's lives here at Broston and probably never will be.

Sorry about all the parentheses.

John Clayton Has Some Flow, Is a Sperm

I'm tempted to make a Pinky and the Brain reference.

A Word Of Advice...


When you go to sub place (pictured is Moogy's) go halvsies with a buddy. Two different sandwiches, one meal, one happy ending.

Singler Makes it Too Easy

Get a fucking hobby, Draco. For more on the inside scoop on Singler's free time, click here.

FROM?!

From now on in "FROM?!" I'll be including an added challenge at the end of each section to really separate the ballers from the squares. To open up this bonus round I've included 2 toughies this week. Answers under each pic.

Roddy White

Richard Jefferson

Mo Williams


Hines Ward

Jason Terry



Challenge:

Earl Boykins


Haloti Ngata

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Top 5 Hottest Characters According to: The Great Fratsby

5. Cheryl David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Just a classic MILF. You didn't think I'd make it through this list without one did you? I've given up my years of wondering what's she's doing with Larry and accepted I'll never be the man in her life.

4. Mrs. Ari Gold (Entourage)

Double whammy on the MILFs, no shocker there. I wanted to make a poll on who was hotter between Mrs. Ari and Cheryl but had to give both these bangin' mommys the respect they deserve and include them on my list. The fact that she puts up with Ari's shit (and doesn't even have a first name in the show) makes me think she'd be great to come home to every night.

3. Jane Smith (Mr. and Mrs. Smith)

Although I've never been quite as on the Jolie train as everybody else, you've got to give props when they're due. Janey can assault me with an AK any night she wants.

2. Claire Bennet (Heroes)

Hayden, Hayden, Hayden. She had to be on here somewhere, I really could have picked anything she's in. The girl is an angel among mere mortals. Just a stone cold boner machine.

1. Sloan McQuewick (Entourage)

Second girl from Entourage, yeah, I went there. Fuck you E, you pussy. Similar to my hatred for Larry David, but about 27 times as worse. Sloan makes my balls jingle in ways I can't explain. So I'm gonna stop now. I love you Sloan. And yes I know that picture isn't from Entourage but I'm pretty sure nobody's arguing about it. Let me get that zipper for you.