Monday, July 26, 2010

Purchase Of The Summer

If you've been looking at the site regularly during the last couple of months, you've probably noticed how difficult it's been for us to get off of our asses and post. It's gotten to a point in which it's really going to take some groundbreaking shit to get me motivated enough to write (sorry). I think it goes without saying that the bathing suit (boardshorts?) to your right do indeed qualify as groundbreaking shit. Listen, everyone here at is held to a certain fashion standard. We don't set the bar insanely high, but we end up looking unreal anyways, and this is just an example of that fact.

This is the type of purchase that you tell your grandkids about. When I look at these boardshorts do I see a blazing hot article of clothing that's so visually appealing I might seize (which is exactly what they are)? No. What I see is an investment. I invest in this suit for a week in Nantucket. Girls invest in me. It's simple econ, read a fucking book. I'm wearing them right now and I've never looked more fuckable and I've never been so in to myself (and that's saying a lot because we all remember what I looked like in my tux at last year's Boston Winter Ball). Combine every steroid Floyd Landis and Barry Bonds injected to gain an advantage over the competition and you still don't even come close to how unfair these things are going to be on Nobadeer Beach.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Camera: $189, Skateboard: $50, A 4 Miunte Rant From A Drugged Out Homeless Guy: Priceless

This is one of those videos that gets funnier every time you watch it (especially when you're bored in class at flight school)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Casillas Being Fresh

Top 500 Feelings - #255 New Sweatpants

Few things in this world are as comfy as new sweatpants. It’s like new sweats have millions of microscopic hookers in them jerking off each and every one of your leg hairs. I could be on the electric chair waiting for death but in a new pair of sweats I would be feeling like I’m on a beach in Mexico. When I wear new sweats at my AA meetings and listen to people criticize the way I live my life (til the party’s over) all their comments flow in one ear and out the other. I could be watching the College Softball World Series in Kyle Singler’s 8-man and be having the time of my life in new sweats.

Sweats are so goddamn versatile it makes me shed a tear just thinking about it. 85% of the time I wear them I’m also rocking basketball shorts underneath in case it gets hot later and I wanna take off the sweats (god forbid). If it gets sorta-hot-but-not-really, I roll the bottoms up to my shins/knees and aerate my lower legs. Women think it looks weird but they also think mullets look weird so I guess that’s confirmation that the sweats-to-the-shins look is a good one. Think of it as a non-pedophile version of those cargo pants that have zippers at the knees for when it gets hot. The other thing about sweats is that almost any size fits anybody. If they’re too big there’s a handy-dandy drawstring and the ankles on them are elastic…genius. If they’re too small, you rock the basketball shorts underneath and sag the shit out of ‘em (sagging is still cuello, right?)

Do yourself a favor and buy new sweats. Rock them as long as possible without washing them to preserve the sanctity of the holy fleece. And whatever you do, never, ever let the drawstring disappear into the never ending abyss of the wasteband. Not only will you spend hours trying to dig the string out, but your boner’s emergency exit into the safe haven that is the wasteband has been eliminated and you will have real questions to answer then.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Hot? Awkward? Nadal?

Is there anything better than watching Rafa watch Shakira dance?

Downtown Oakland is Poppin' Off!

Back story: a cop on a public train killed an African American man by shooting him. He claimed he reached for his tazer and thought it was his tazer but it was in fact his gun. He got pinned with involuntary manslaughter, which was pretty light considering he could have gotten murder. So the good folks of Raider Nation have taken to the streets. Many people think it could end up being worse than the L.A. riots. If only Sublime were still around to make another song about it.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Summer Ramblings From Uncle Chafe

I know I know, I haven't posted in some time, everyone calm down. I decided it might be a nice idea to just muse for a while about nothing in particular. Deal with it.

Lebron needs to relax. We get it. WE GET IT. You're a free agent. Now just tell us where you're going and let's get on with life. I'm really excited for this nonsense to be over. When Air Jordan came back from "retirement" (sleazy baseball stint), what did he do? Press release, two words: "I'm back," and the next night he was playing again. First class. LBJ better kill it wherever he ends up.

P.S. please don't go to the Heat and ruin basketball.

I think I heard on TV that they're talking about legit nuking the Gulf oil spill as a solution. Now that's the American way.

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. Fireworks never cease to amaze me. I think they're one of those things (like bubbles) that will just never get old.

I would take a bullet in the chest for Lance Armstrong every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Dear France: Keep drug testing him, seriously, take a gallon of his piss if you want. Don't be bitter because he's dominated your race 7 times with 1 nut.

I've really been thinking hard about making the switch from the iFresh to a Blackchafey. I have to say, I got cocky and thought I beat the game with WhatsApp. BBM may just be too appetizing to resist. If I do make the switch you better believe my pin will be on my Facebook status within the half hour, so stay tuned.

The new Jonah Hill/John C. Reilly movie "Cyrus" is incredibly sketchy. Obviously those two heavyweights (reference to their acting prowess, not to their waste sizes, although Jonah is fucking massive now) provide some laughs, but it's just not what I was expecting at all. It's worth seeing I think, but it's not Superbad and it's not Stepbrothers. It's a different angle and a different kind of humor, but lesbianis, you have nothing better to do.

When Lindsay Lohan goes to prison is she actually going to real prison? (Is that a stupid question?) Like is she in there with enormous, tatted women named Bertha and Phil, or is she in some fresh, chic Hollywood spot where she can go about her coked-up, drunk-off-her-ass ways?

I don't get the "Twilight" thing. I really don't. This one's a werewolf... That one's a vampire... Is that really enough for 70 mill (or whatever it was) in a first weekend? Should I become a screenwriter?

Everyone needs to watch the Drake documentary "Better Than Good Enough" on MTV. I like him a little too much... Shit I think I might like him like him.

What happens when you click Barstool New York? Is there actually a website there or is that just for show?

FYI sports are really about to start sucking. Once World Cup is over it's basically the dog days of baseball for the remainder of the summer. I think we all know how much ESPN poker is on the way (fuck).

One last shout out to Jimmy and Kevin Hayes of BC hockey. Jimbo got traded from the Leafs to the Blackhawks, who also drafted Kevin (incoming Freshy) in the first round. Clearly Patty Kane no longer runs Chitown.


Can someone, anyone, please explain to me why the fuck ESPN chooses to make some bullshit exposé on David Ortiz the main story on their homepage today? The World Cup is as exciting as its ever going to be and Chris Bosh announced he's headed to Will Smith's favorite town to team up with Dwyane Wade. And oh yeah, the biggest signing in the history of the NBA is being revealed tomorrow. Notice there isn't even a picture of Lebron in the subsections at the bottom. Am I missing something? An article about a has-been, on a third place team, at a completely irrelevant point in the season?

Also, if you're looking for an official Broston prediction on where LeBron is going to end up, you're not gonna get it. All's we know is wherever he goes, jersey sales are gonna set unbreakable records. Assuming he leaves Zydrunas and da boys back in Cleveland.

Verse of the Week - Lose My Mind (Drake)

Do I love these hoes, mmm, kinda sorta
I got em drinking Sangria like its fucking water
Some Miami women, tan lines showing
And they really bout’ whatever shit is mind blowing
Fuck what they talk, do what I say
Bust it open girl, and send it my way
You say you like it like that I think I like it too
Half a million in a week its only right I do
All seeing eye, my eyes seen it all
I talk a lot a shit, I swear I mean it all
103, and 4 figures to the hater tryna front on me, aghhh

Spitter of the Week - Pop Secret

(With butter)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Coaster of the Week - Vuvuzela

Yes, we already had a coaster this week. But this is our first international coaster, and the World Cup is reaching its most exciting point so we had to. It also marks the first time we have used a chafe as a coaster.