Monday, May 3, 2010

Chafe - Bibliographies

Let me start out by saying that bibliographies are not your friend. They can never help you on a paper/project, but they sure as hell can hurt you. How many times have you ever heard someone say, “Ehh my intro and conclusion were pretty rough but I nailed the bibliography, I should get an A on it.” The answer is zero. At no point in time does anyone actually know how to do a bibliography. What the fuck difference does it make if it’s an MLA format or an APA format? For all I know a teacher could tell me that there is an NBA and NFL format and I wouldn’t flinch. I would google a “how to” on bibliographies and pray that I can just plug in the random shit needed and click “unchafe,” hoping that the website spits out anything that wouldn’t get me points taken off. Does a teacher really need to know what publishing company published the book? I’d say that is as useful as knowing where Chan Ho Park grew up (yeah you’ll win an argument one time in your life with it). All the indentation and italics and bold just are unnecessary chafes that have been plaguing us since an early age.

One of the worst feelings too is when you finally complete your paper (or so you think) at 10:40 for your 11 O'clock Theology class. Now all you need to do is print, staple, and hand in. Right? Not so fast my friend. You forgot the bibliography (there is no bibliography reminder on Facebook to save your ass like there is for birthdays.) You are in an all-out scramble now and you're most likely going to mess up more now that you're in a rush. Why the hell does it have to be in alphabetical order? Why would we put an author's last name before his first?

It seems as though bibliographies were supposed to be common knowledge by the 6th grade, but I can truthfully tell you that if someone gave me a book, told me to put it in MLA format and then proceeded to put a gun to my head and tell me my life depended on it, I’d by RIP’ing in a grave on Comm Ave. I wish bibliographies were never invented and everyone could just plagiarize. God damn.

P.S. here’s my bibliography for this post…

Jenkems, Lieutenant. Why Bibliographies Suck. Walsh Hall. Chafes R’ Us, 2010.


  1. I love you! Well, not really, lol, but I do love this post. As a person who spent 7 years as an undergrad and am now working on my MA studying *omininous music plays* ENGLISH, I've had to write an arseload of MLA citation format essays and some APA ones as well. I usually use Son of Citation Machine, but it gets things wrong sometimes. I love this post of yours. I found it while Googling "bibliography" because I'm currently trying to format one for an anthology I'm compiling.